Hi there. How are you? I wanted to drop you a little note before we officially meet. Like most new relationships, the first few months can be filled with anxiety, hope and those wonderful little squiggies one gets in their belly when you are expecting something amazing. So in hopes that the transition will be both smooth and enjoyable for both of us I want to lay a couple cards on the table from the get go.
See, 2008 was a bitch. Much like her predecessor, she mind-fucked me pretty good and frankly, just wasn't so nice. Needless to say, I could really use a break and I think you are just the year to do it. You have a lot of potential 2009, and I would love to see you live up to every last bit of it. There are a few things I have been waiting for my entire life and previous years, who shall remain nameless, have shut me down without even batting an eye.
So here is a simple list of requests. If you could follow them as closely as you can, I would greatly appreciate it.
1. Don't mess with my family's health. I can't handle any more of them heading off to the hospital, especially more than one at a time.
2. If any hard feelings are developed, please leave my uterus out of it. It's just doing the best it can.
3. 2008 was the resident drama llama, so that title is already taken. No need to rinse and repeat.
4. Contrary to popular belief, I am a big-hearted mush ball. I am going to do my best to yell less and love more so if you could return the favor, I think we can be great pals.
5. If you see 2007 or 2008, can you do me a huge favor and kick them in the yam sack for me? I would greatly appreciate it.
So there you have it, 2009. I think that if we work together we can really do some awesome things. I look forward to meeting you.
Sincerely,
Bernice
P.S. If you see Motivation, send her on over. There is a pep-talk a brewin' and I think she is just the one to receive it.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
True Talent
I will always have a fondness for Metallica but this dood takes it to a whole new level. Enjoy
Enter The Kazoo Man
Enter The Kazoo Man
My Apologies.
I don't proof read. I barely even re-read. And by the time I do get around to reading something I am too damn lazy to fix it.
So I guess this isn't a very good apology after all, just a plea to hang in there and try your best to ignore my bad spelling and grammar.
And yes, I'm talking to YOU!
So I guess this isn't a very good apology after all, just a plea to hang in there and try your best to ignore my bad spelling and grammar.
And yes, I'm talking to YOU!
A not so gentle reminder
Where I come from, there are vast rolling hills and farm fields. In the winter trails of packed snow snake through them creating a patchwork quilt of the earth. Truly a sight to see from the air, I'm sure. Depsite the beautiful picture that has been carved into your head, these lines that lead you across the beautiful scenery of my town and the next can be deceiving. They can lead you down a path of good times and merriment and they can chew you up and spit you out. Both of these scenarios may or may not be influenced by libations one can partake in along the way.
As you may or may not recall, not so far into the past, the Lieutenant received the business end of a Ski-do(zer). While he is more than willing to "get back on the horse" I am filled to the brim with worry and what-if's. Especially when you get handed a not so little reminder of how dangerous it can be.
The snow was fresh and clean and the trails were groomed to perfection. The air was cold enough for the sleds to run smooth and strong but yet not cold enough to opt for staying inside. Just as the Lieutenant and I were settling into the couch for the evening, the pager's beeping booted us out of the warmth into the cold night. After some reflection and strategic planning, the truck was locked in 4-LOW and seatbelts were fastened. The truck bucked and reared as we headed down a trail half as wide as the tire tracks.
As he yelled in pain we packaged and braced and loaded him onto the 6-wheeler. I shivered as I held blankets over him and layered the inside of his bibs with hot packs. At this point, keeping him warm was the name of the game. As we drove he explained what happened. He took a dive off his sled and as he stood to right his machine he was taken out at the legs by a buddy who wasn't doing a very good job of paying attention. I stifled the laugh as he recalled trying to stand up and "feeling something move in his leg." That line seemed so familiar since I had heard it not two years before.
When the trauma sheers came out, the groaning and moaning started anew but this time in mourning for his $250 coat and even more expensive bibs. With a line established we eased the pain with a little morphine only to find it barely touched it. Not that I was surprised. Ones leg really shouldn't be found at such an odd angle, well that is unless God graced him with two ankles and if that was the case, I would think he would have found his place with the traveling circus and not a band of vagabond snowmobilers. We pushed more morphine and laughed as he re-rated his pain at a 7.75 a short fall from the 8 he had reported with the last 2mg.
Thoughout it all, he laughed and winced remaining in good spirits considering. Until he suddenly wondered why his leg was wet. I really didn't have the heart to tell him it was because his bones were taking a little vacation from inside his skin to say hello to the outside world and that the "wetness" was not melting snow, but eas blood that was slowly oozing out of his shattered limb.
I never said anything to the Lieutenant just smiled and shook my head. Now someone tell my why I am sending him up north again? I think I might have actually gone Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs.
Also, while you are here - Check out some new tunes. I may have a new favorite! (Stop laughing, I know I have like a million favorites... that's not the point! Just listen okay?)
All I Want - Staind
And one more thing... I have the final design for my wrist tattoo. Now to find the financing and place to do it. And no, I don't feel like sharing it on the interwebz. I prefer for my tattoos to remain a singular piece of artwork that can only be found on one body and not the masses. But if you must know, it is a whimsical and feminine version of a dragonfly. I love it and can't wait to rock it.
As you may or may not recall, not so far into the past, the Lieutenant received the business end of a Ski-do(zer). While he is more than willing to "get back on the horse" I am filled to the brim with worry and what-if's. Especially when you get handed a not so little reminder of how dangerous it can be.
The snow was fresh and clean and the trails were groomed to perfection. The air was cold enough for the sleds to run smooth and strong but yet not cold enough to opt for staying inside. Just as the Lieutenant and I were settling into the couch for the evening, the pager's beeping booted us out of the warmth into the cold night. After some reflection and strategic planning, the truck was locked in 4-LOW and seatbelts were fastened. The truck bucked and reared as we headed down a trail half as wide as the tire tracks.
As he yelled in pain we packaged and braced and loaded him onto the 6-wheeler. I shivered as I held blankets over him and layered the inside of his bibs with hot packs. At this point, keeping him warm was the name of the game. As we drove he explained what happened. He took a dive off his sled and as he stood to right his machine he was taken out at the legs by a buddy who wasn't doing a very good job of paying attention. I stifled the laugh as he recalled trying to stand up and "feeling something move in his leg." That line seemed so familiar since I had heard it not two years before.
When the trauma sheers came out, the groaning and moaning started anew but this time in mourning for his $250 coat and even more expensive bibs. With a line established we eased the pain with a little morphine only to find it barely touched it. Not that I was surprised. Ones leg really shouldn't be found at such an odd angle, well that is unless God graced him with two ankles and if that was the case, I would think he would have found his place with the traveling circus and not a band of vagabond snowmobilers. We pushed more morphine and laughed as he re-rated his pain at a 7.75 a short fall from the 8 he had reported with the last 2mg.
Thoughout it all, he laughed and winced remaining in good spirits considering. Until he suddenly wondered why his leg was wet. I really didn't have the heart to tell him it was because his bones were taking a little vacation from inside his skin to say hello to the outside world and that the "wetness" was not melting snow, but eas blood that was slowly oozing out of his shattered limb.
I never said anything to the Lieutenant just smiled and shook my head. Now someone tell my why I am sending him up north again? I think I might have actually gone Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs.
Also, while you are here - Check out some new tunes. I may have a new favorite! (Stop laughing, I know I have like a million favorites... that's not the point! Just listen okay?)
All I Want - Staind
And one more thing... I have the final design for my wrist tattoo. Now to find the financing and place to do it. And no, I don't feel like sharing it on the interwebz. I prefer for my tattoos to remain a singular piece of artwork that can only be found on one body and not the masses. But if you must know, it is a whimsical and feminine version of a dragonfly. I love it and can't wait to rock it.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Back To The Grind
Back to work today, well desk work anyway. While I enjoyed my week off, it sure proved to be mentally and physically challenging to say the least. Mostly Christmas Eve which I will have to write about another time, but for right now I am catching up on blogs, emails and brain cells.
Hang in there for me folks. Good stuff off the port bow.
In the mean time... (Thanks Epi!)
1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you?
Well, the Lieutenant pretty much calls me ‘hunny’ or ‘hun’. There are other nicknames I was given by others but they either make me want to kick puppies or vomit, so we will just stick with this.
2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say “cut” what style is it?
Style? It’s called blow dry and run. I believe the appropriate name for my haircut is “stacked.” It’s hot and I totally rocked this look before Victoria “My face is so sharp it puts cheddar to shame” Beckham was hanging out on the spice rack.
3. What’s your least favorite Christmas song?
Feliz Navidad. Hate me if you must but it makes me a cranky person.
4. How many colors are you wearing now?
Brown boots, brown tights, brown/cream plaid skirt, cream sweater, white cami. Hmm… technically three. Interesting.
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Mostly extrovert unless I’m in serious pain. Then I withdraw from the world mostly for the sake of my loved ones.
6. What was the last book you read?
I just finished The Guardian, and now I am reading The Doctor’s Wife and Plain Truth
7. What’s one piece of fiction that changed your life?
I have no idea. I can’t say that anything I have ever read has changed my life.
8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do?
I can’t rightly say. I think we all like to say what we would do in certain situations, but until you find yourself in the thick of it, I don’t think any of us can really say what we would do with any degree of certainty.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Is this a trick question?
10. What’s your favorite dessert?
Cheesecake. Or caramel. Or fruit and chocolate. Or pie. Or… oh hell, who am I kidding. I love all desserts. Well, unless they contain peanut butter.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
For work? I would say a solid 25 minutes. When my hair was at a pony-tail length and I showered the night before easily 10.
12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it?
Several news websites for obvious reasons, certain blogs and at the very least my own and gmail.
13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job??
*blink* *blink* I don’t even know what the hell you are asking? My last job before this was Shop Support/Load Planning. But that was the best way to dumb it down a pay grade. In all reality I was the trucking manager and planned the workload for the shop for the next day.
14. Do you like to clean?
If I am angry, I clean. It is an instant reaction ingrained into my brain from my childhood. There are days I want nothing more than to scrub the dirt out of my house and inhale that intoxicating scent of lemony fresh clean. But then there are days I would rather remove my right eyeball than clean. So yeah…
15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head?
I had one on repeat in my head for days, but I can’t think of what it was and for that I am thankful. But I heard a song on the radio last night that is haunting me today and yet I have no idea what song it was.
16. What’s the last movie you saw?
I watched a ton of movies this weekend, but I think the very last one I watched was Miracle.
17. Pirates or Ninjas?
Pirates of the Johnny Depp variety. **drool**
18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday?
Only have conversations with the Lieutenant over the phone or going to work. Can’t really decide.
19. Best time of your life?
**EDIT** The days of trucks, boots, bonfires and booze. Carefree and drunk as a skunk. What could be better?
20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year?
Sticking up for myself and what I want and need. Thinking less of what everyone else needs/wants and doing what makes me happy. Yelling less and laughing more.
Hang in there for me folks. Good stuff off the port bow.
In the mean time... (Thanks Epi!)
1. What is a nickname a former (or present) lover gave you?
Well, the Lieutenant pretty much calls me ‘hunny’ or ‘hun’. There are other nicknames I was given by others but they either make me want to kick puppies or vomit, so we will just stick with this.
2. How do you style your hair? If you just would say “cut” what style is it?
Style? It’s called blow dry and run. I believe the appropriate name for my haircut is “stacked.” It’s hot and I totally rocked this look before Victoria “My face is so sharp it puts cheddar to shame” Beckham was hanging out on the spice rack.
3. What’s your least favorite Christmas song?
Feliz Navidad. Hate me if you must but it makes me a cranky person.
4. How many colors are you wearing now?
Brown boots, brown tights, brown/cream plaid skirt, cream sweater, white cami. Hmm… technically three. Interesting.
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Mostly extrovert unless I’m in serious pain. Then I withdraw from the world mostly for the sake of my loved ones.
6. What was the last book you read?
I just finished The Guardian, and now I am reading The Doctor’s Wife and Plain Truth
7. What’s one piece of fiction that changed your life?
I have no idea. I can’t say that anything I have ever read has changed my life.
8. If you are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship (or married), what might do you do?
I can’t rightly say. I think we all like to say what we would do in certain situations, but until you find yourself in the thick of it, I don’t think any of us can really say what we would do with any degree of certainty.
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Is this a trick question?
10. What’s your favorite dessert?
Cheesecake. Or caramel. Or fruit and chocolate. Or pie. Or… oh hell, who am I kidding. I love all desserts. Well, unless they contain peanut butter.
11. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
For work? I would say a solid 25 minutes. When my hair was at a pony-tail length and I showered the night before easily 10.
12. Name one website that you visit daily. Why do you read it?
Several news websites for obvious reasons, certain blogs and at the very least my own and gmail.
13. What was your last job before either you are at home or at another job??
*blink* *blink* I don’t even know what the hell you are asking? My last job before this was Shop Support/Load Planning. But that was the best way to dumb it down a pay grade. In all reality I was the trucking manager and planned the workload for the shop for the next day.
14. Do you like to clean?
If I am angry, I clean. It is an instant reaction ingrained into my brain from my childhood. There are days I want nothing more than to scrub the dirt out of my house and inhale that intoxicating scent of lemony fresh clean. But then there are days I would rather remove my right eyeball than clean. So yeah…
15. What was the last song to get stuck in your head?
I had one on repeat in my head for days, but I can’t think of what it was and for that I am thankful. But I heard a song on the radio last night that is haunting me today and yet I have no idea what song it was.
16. What’s the last movie you saw?
I watched a ton of movies this weekend, but I think the very last one I watched was Miracle.
17. Pirates or Ninjas?
Pirates of the Johnny Depp variety. **drool**
18. What is your least favorite thing to do that you have to do everyday?
Only have conversations with the Lieutenant over the phone or going to work. Can’t really decide.
19. Best time of your life?
**EDIT** The days of trucks, boots, bonfires and booze. Carefree and drunk as a skunk. What could be better?
20. What are you most looking forward to in the coming year?
Sticking up for myself and what I want and need. Thinking less of what everyone else needs/wants and doing what makes me happy. Yelling less and laughing more.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Merry Christmas!
I hope you all have a very safe and merry Christmas! May Santa bring you all you asked for.
I will catch you all in the new year.
Stay safe and watch out for reindeer poop!
I will catch you all in the new year.
Stay safe and watch out for reindeer poop!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
White Death
Is getting ready for the 1-2 knockout. First round set me back 3 hours of my day that was spent sitting in a car (thanks again to Jo for letting me take a little snooze though...)
I love me some beautiful snow scenery, but driving in it is a whole different ballgame folks. I mean, I don't mind if it is just me and the cold white stuff, but when you add other eejits to the equation, then I get nervous.
In happier, better news... I have identified why it is so damn hard for me to play the guitar. The strings are too thick? Tight? Not really sure of the correct lingo here... Really don't know but I have been promised they it be remedied in the next few days. Super excited! Practicing will be more productive and far less painful and who knows, maybe I will actually start learning something! Hooray!
Oh and for those of you that have been asking, I am slowly but surely feeling better. Everything has settled into my chest so my head is a lot clearer (I really had some dumb days in there - sorry again JB) and the coughing fits seem to be less frequent like oh say every other hour instead of every time I breathe or think about breathing. Now to contain that to the hours I am awake instead of those that should be spent snoring and drooling, I would be forever thankful.
I love me some beautiful snow scenery, but driving in it is a whole different ballgame folks. I mean, I don't mind if it is just me and the cold white stuff, but when you add other eejits to the equation, then I get nervous.
In happier, better news... I have identified why it is so damn hard for me to play the guitar. The strings are too thick? Tight? Not really sure of the correct lingo here... Really don't know but I have been promised they it be remedied in the next few days. Super excited! Practicing will be more productive and far less painful and who knows, maybe I will actually start learning something! Hooray!
Oh and for those of you that have been asking, I am slowly but surely feeling better. Everything has settled into my chest so my head is a lot clearer (I really had some dumb days in there - sorry again JB) and the coughing fits seem to be less frequent like oh say every other hour instead of every time I breathe or think about breathing. Now to contain that to the hours I am awake instead of those that should be spent snoring and drooling, I would be forever thankful.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I dare you not to pee your pants.
Go here.
Watch.
Laugh.
And fight that squiggy feeling that comes bubbling up. Trust me, it gets funnier as it goes.
Watch.
Laugh.
And fight that squiggy feeling that comes bubbling up. Trust me, it gets funnier as it goes.
Monday, December 15, 2008
I have been infected
With some rare and probably deadly plague. Or just the common cold. I have yet to decide. Either way, coughing until you vomit is never a good sign. Neither is the neverending bloody nose from sneezing so hard. At least I was nice enough to come in to work to share the love.*
Also, khakis are not warm enough for 4 degree weather BEFORE the wind chill.
Also, filling one's schedule so as not to feel quite so alone is not as good of an idea as originally thought.
Also, Christmas shopping should be done as it was Saturday night. With a list and a plan of attack. Now to wrap.
Also, Christmas cards filled with glitter make me want to kick puppies. Especially when said card is opened in one's vehicle whilst on one's way to work.
Also, being stuck with no options is both exhausting and downright sucky.
Also, sometimes being angry is easier than being devastated.
Also, removing a mostly dead fingernail is both freeing and incredibly painful.
Also, Sucrets are my friend and enemy.
Also, Robitussin can't touch this and neither can Mucinex.
Yep, I think thats about it.
*My desk has been thoroughly disinfected several times today. Hands are being washed as much as my skin allows. Probably should have stayed home, but alas I did not. I'm a slave to the man my friends.
Also, khakis are not warm enough for 4 degree weather BEFORE the wind chill.
Also, filling one's schedule so as not to feel quite so alone is not as good of an idea as originally thought.
Also, Christmas shopping should be done as it was Saturday night. With a list and a plan of attack. Now to wrap.
Also, Christmas cards filled with glitter make me want to kick puppies. Especially when said card is opened in one's vehicle whilst on one's way to work.
Also, being stuck with no options is both exhausting and downright sucky.
Also, sometimes being angry is easier than being devastated.
Also, removing a mostly dead fingernail is both freeing and incredibly painful.
Also, Sucrets are my friend and enemy.
Also, Robitussin can't touch this and neither can Mucinex.
Yep, I think thats about it.
*My desk has been thoroughly disinfected several times today. Hands are being washed as much as my skin allows. Probably should have stayed home, but alas I did not. I'm a slave to the man my friends.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday Funny
Discussing oober religious and oober creepy coworker that wears white athletic socks and loafers every.damn.day. Drives me batty. Well that and his incessant need to "stop by" and ask about the Lieutenant and how he is healing. Um dude, the accident was two years ago and this is like the nine-millionth time I have told you he is fine. All healed up. Back to work for a year and a half... All while silently willing him to go the eff away. Ah, yes, I digress... the conversation...
Coworker: Oh crap. This is the SECOND time "John" has won an item of "Grand Prize" status. I expect to hear another story of how he prayed for this one...
Me: Oh boy. *insert hearty eye roll here*
CW: Couldn't'a'happened to a nicer guy.
Me: Sure if nicer = creepier
CW: Hey. Some of us are just magnets for those kinds of people. It can't be helped. Like the flickering candle-light for creepy moths.
Best analogy I have ever heard. And that must make me the biggest MFing candle this side of the Mississippi.
Coworker: Oh crap. This is the SECOND time "John" has won an item of "Grand Prize" status. I expect to hear another story of how he prayed for this one...
Me: Oh boy. *insert hearty eye roll here*
CW: Couldn't'a'happened to a nicer guy.
Me: Sure if nicer = creepier
CW: Hey. Some of us are just magnets for those kinds of people. It can't be helped. Like the flickering candle-light for creepy moths.
Best analogy I have ever heard. And that must make me the biggest MFing candle this side of the Mississippi.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Worry not for me.
I do not mean to worry anyone. I'm sure you have all experienced that point in time where everything just becomes too much and you just go numb. Thoughts become fuzzy images that you just can't seem to focus on one at a time and emotions seem to spill one into the next making them barely recognizable.
I wouldn't even know where to start with the list of things that run on repeat through my head on a daily basis. Mix in some sleep issues then a brewing knock-your-ass-out-because-it's-just-better-that-way cold, yeah... you have on very emotionally unstable and exhausted Bernice.
But things are always looking better. I have one amazing support system. I'm just learning how to use it. So, thank you to all of you out there who care. I may not say it as often as I should, but thank you.
I wouldn't even know where to start with the list of things that run on repeat through my head on a daily basis. Mix in some sleep issues then a brewing knock-your-ass-out-because-it's-just-better-that-way cold, yeah... you have on very emotionally unstable and exhausted Bernice.
But things are always looking better. I have one amazing support system. I'm just learning how to use it. So, thank you to all of you out there who care. I may not say it as often as I should, but thank you.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I hurt.
In a particular organ that resides somewhere in the left side of my chest.
I'm not sure how much more sadness and pain that poor little guy can handle.
I'm not sure how much more sadness and pain that poor little guy can handle.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Breakfast of champions.
Because I lack anything more exciting to write about than my breakfast, you get to know the list of crap that I have consumed as of 5am.
1 bottle of water
1 large cup of cream and sugar with a splash of coffee
2 Starbursts (one orange, one red and yes, the color does matter)
1 roll of Sweettarts candy
1/2 can Arizona green tea (still in the process of consuming)
1 mini Hersheys bar
1 Tootsie pop sucker in the flavor of grape
No wonder I feel like utter and complete crap. Need to go grocery shopping but that is so far down the list of things I have to do, it will have to wait until this weekend. If I even get time then.
I promise I will come up with something a little more entertaining than my sugar buzz inducing breakfast soon. At least I hope so. This is getting a little sad. Heh.
1 bottle of water
1 large cup of cream and sugar with a splash of coffee
2 Starbursts (one orange, one red and yes, the color does matter)
1 roll of Sweettarts candy
1/2 can Arizona green tea (still in the process of consuming)
1 mini Hersheys bar
1 Tootsie pop sucker in the flavor of grape
No wonder I feel like utter and complete crap. Need to go grocery shopping but that is so far down the list of things I have to do, it will have to wait until this weekend. If I even get time then.
I promise I will come up with something a little more entertaining than my sugar buzz inducing breakfast soon. At least I hope so. This is getting a little sad. Heh.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Bah Humbug
Yep, still not into Christmas and I just can't seem to get anything done that I need to. My list gets longer every day and I have no will to do anything besides stuff my face with special edition candy cane love filled oreos.
Just a regular ol' ray of sunshine right here folks. I promise I wont come back until I at least have something to say worth reading.
Just a regular ol' ray of sunshine right here folks. I promise I wont come back until I at least have something to say worth reading.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
It's a small world
And I have a big mouth.
But I'm not the only one.
Yeah...
Also, I am having a very hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. I love Christmas and yet just like every other holiday this year, I just can't get myself to care. The tree is up, but it is one sad looking Christmas tree. Not very festive at all and yet I don't really care enough to do something about it. Blah.
Or better yet. Bah humbug.
But I'm not the only one.
Yeah...
Also, I am having a very hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. I love Christmas and yet just like every other holiday this year, I just can't get myself to care. The tree is up, but it is one sad looking Christmas tree. Not very festive at all and yet I don't really care enough to do something about it. Blah.
Or better yet. Bah humbug.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Reinforced Sleeves
That's what I need because I have finally come to the realization I wear all my emotions right out there for everyone to see. Most times, they take up both sleeves.
Between the conversation I had with The Momma and relaying recent conversations with the Lieutenant, it all makes sense. I can't just pretend that everything is okay. I may say I can, but I really can't. Granted for those that may not know me as well as others probably wont notice, especially patients but on more than one occasion, I have had to be reminded to "wipe off the worry" while staring at the BP cuff wondering how in the hell a person can actually register a BP that high. If I am feeling sad, angry, happy you can tell. My mannerisms change, my tone changes and most of all, those horrible little field-goal-post lines find themselves permanently etched between my eyebrows.
As I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, I weighed the pros and cons of my new-found affliction. In some cases it is good. How many people go through life never revealing how they truly feel? I'm certain that can't be very healthy. But on the other end of the spectrum, having a sudden onset of motor mouth because you just have to get everything out RIGHT NOW isn't exactly stellar either. Especially when what you want to say may be beneficial for you, but in turn hurt someone else very deeply. Of course, along with everything else, moderation is key. So then how does one change how they are? I am pretty sure I would bite straight through my tongue or grit my teeth so hard I turn my pearly whites into dust.
I don't think I was always this way. I think back to when I was younger, before all the BS and pain and tears and I remember a girl who laughed often and let things roll off her back like nothing was ever going to bring her down. Sure I laugh now, but I don't think I laugh nearly as often as I used to. How the hell does one go back to that? Without all of the bad, I wouldn't be who I am today. But sometimes I sure do miss that girl.
I wonder what the real difference is between then and now - how I carried myself, if I spoke differently, has how I interact with others changed?
I want to be that carefree, fun-loving, laid back girl again. Not so much for me, but for him. I just don't know how to get there.
Between the conversation I had with The Momma and relaying recent conversations with the Lieutenant, it all makes sense. I can't just pretend that everything is okay. I may say I can, but I really can't. Granted for those that may not know me as well as others probably wont notice, especially patients but on more than one occasion, I have had to be reminded to "wipe off the worry" while staring at the BP cuff wondering how in the hell a person can actually register a BP that high. If I am feeling sad, angry, happy you can tell. My mannerisms change, my tone changes and most of all, those horrible little field-goal-post lines find themselves permanently etched between my eyebrows.
As I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, I weighed the pros and cons of my new-found affliction. In some cases it is good. How many people go through life never revealing how they truly feel? I'm certain that can't be very healthy. But on the other end of the spectrum, having a sudden onset of motor mouth because you just have to get everything out RIGHT NOW isn't exactly stellar either. Especially when what you want to say may be beneficial for you, but in turn hurt someone else very deeply. Of course, along with everything else, moderation is key. So then how does one change how they are? I am pretty sure I would bite straight through my tongue or grit my teeth so hard I turn my pearly whites into dust.
I don't think I was always this way. I think back to when I was younger, before all the BS and pain and tears and I remember a girl who laughed often and let things roll off her back like nothing was ever going to bring her down. Sure I laugh now, but I don't think I laugh nearly as often as I used to. How the hell does one go back to that? Without all of the bad, I wouldn't be who I am today. But sometimes I sure do miss that girl.
I wonder what the real difference is between then and now - how I carried myself, if I spoke differently, has how I interact with others changed?
I want to be that carefree, fun-loving, laid back girl again. Not so much for me, but for him. I just don't know how to get there.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sonofa...
Dropped my cell last night. My already loose antenna has now become 100% detached. I know this surgical tape is good stuff, but I'm not so sure it is good enough to hold my phone together for very long.
There are very few things I hate more than having to go into the Nextel store. Especially when I want nothing more than to drop their crappy service.
Dang.
There are very few things I hate more than having to go into the Nextel store. Especially when I want nothing more than to drop their crappy service.
Dang.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Happy Friday To Me...
And now to you.
Excuse me while I go clean the drool out of my keyboard.
Jo, you get me. You really get me.
And now I have the urge to yell "Cuff me Booth! Cuff me!"
OMG, I'm all verklempt.
Excuse me while I go clean the drool out of my keyboard.
Jo, you get me. You really get me.
And now I have the urge to yell "Cuff me Booth! Cuff me!"
OMG, I'm all verklempt.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
PSA
Do not, under any circumstances, leave a tin full of choclate covered caramel corn on your desk. This is especially dangerous in times of great stress and frustration.
Consider yourself warned. Now excuse me while I go purge the 9 million calories I just consumed.
.
Consider yourself warned. Now excuse me while I go purge the 9 million calories I just consumed.
.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
So there I was...
Today I decided I had to suck it up and tend to some wifely duties. Not THOSE wifely duties, the ones that involve trudging up and down isles, dodging other shoppers and refraining from backhanding snot-faced kids. Unwilling to make the trip into town by myself, I called up Rick. Rick and I are the dynamic duo. We have always been two peas in a pod. Partners in crime. You get the idea. So off we go. It was a rather uneventful trip although we did have some laughs at others expense. As with most grocery shopping trips, we got hungry. Like everything looks good hungry. Like, hey, do you want a can of beans? Or perhaps some fruit O's? So we decided Taco Hell would be the perfect end to the evening. We ordered and headed out to take the new road back home. As we were heading to the correct highway, there was a semi up ahead. I wondered if it could be our friend the honey wagon driver. Rick tells me to get up next to him and he would be able to tell if it was in fact him. So I eased into the accelerator and got up next to him. Low and behold, just on the other side was the friendly local law enforcement. I glanced down and realized I was traveling just a *touch* fast. Like to the tune of 17 over fast. Whoops.
Since we needed to turn left up ahead, I put on my directional, checked my mirror, checked my blind spot and eased over. Unfortunately my mad lane changing skillz did not impress the officer and he decided it was a good idea to pull me over anyway. Damn. I proceeded the oh-my-god-I-can't-afford-a-ticket-this-will-be-my-first-ticket-ever. Shit shit shit shit shit.
The very nice deputy walked up to my window and I promptly handed over my license. He asked if he knew how fast I was going and I had to tell him yes. In fact I did. But I put more emphasis in those few words of how dumb I believed I was at that point in time. I even thought about explaining WHY I was going so fast but decided excuses are a waste of everyone's time and I shut my mouth. He took my license and with a nod, headed to his car. And then came the laughter. The vision of the full time crew huddled around the scanner at the station and taking bets as to if this yahoo was indeed me or not.
After a few minutes, the officer came back to my window with my license in hand. And left me with this little token of advice...
"17 over is a bit excessive. Drive safe and thank you for wearing your seat belts."
I could have kissed the man.
So either I have always underestimated my dashing good looks or the combination of a squeaky clean driving record and those beautiful red fire plates were enough to save my ass.
I want nothing for Christmas but good will and happiness for that man... to the tune of $327.00.
Since we needed to turn left up ahead, I put on my directional, checked my mirror, checked my blind spot and eased over. Unfortunately my mad lane changing skillz did not impress the officer and he decided it was a good idea to pull me over anyway. Damn. I proceeded the oh-my-god-I-can't-afford-a-ticket-this-will-be-my-first-ticket-ever. Shit shit shit shit shit.
The very nice deputy walked up to my window and I promptly handed over my license. He asked if he knew how fast I was going and I had to tell him yes. In fact I did. But I put more emphasis in those few words of how dumb I believed I was at that point in time. I even thought about explaining WHY I was going so fast but decided excuses are a waste of everyone's time and I shut my mouth. He took my license and with a nod, headed to his car. And then came the laughter. The vision of the full time crew huddled around the scanner at the station and taking bets as to if this yahoo was indeed me or not.
After a few minutes, the officer came back to my window with my license in hand. And left me with this little token of advice...
"17 over is a bit excessive. Drive safe and thank you for wearing your seat belts."
I could have kissed the man.
So either I have always underestimated my dashing good looks or the combination of a squeaky clean driving record and those beautiful red fire plates were enough to save my ass.
I want nothing for Christmas but good will and happiness for that man... to the tune of $327.00.
Damn you Epi!
The Woman’s Work 45 Meme
1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Not really.
2. Favorite late night snack? I seem to eat slices of Kraft singles.
3. Do you own a gun? I own one. In fact, it was the first Christmas present I ever received from the Lieutenant. Of course there was also a diamond necklace in the case. *Swoon*
4. What’s your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? Pumpkin Spice Latte, or the White Chocolate Mocha. YUMMY!
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Ha, well which doctor am I going to and for what? Although some of them I am quickly becoming a pro.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I will eat them if I am starving, I will devour them if they are on a stick and wrapped in a golden blanket of corn.
7. Favorite Christmas song? Carol of the Bells, but generally all of it.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water first. Then coffee. For I am a failure. 5 months coffee free and one rough weekend sent me spiraling back. I blame E.
9. Can you do push-ups? No.
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I am quite partial to my wedding set.
11. Favorite hobby? Painting and drawing. Taking pictures. Laughing until my sides hurt.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? No, I just have too much to do.
13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? My inability to forgive and forget.
14. The last disease you contracted? Please hold while I knock on some wood… I have been illness free for quite some time. It has been two years since my last sinus infection and at least that much since the 7 Day Plague. Go me.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I miss my husband. I need to clear my throat. My tongue burns from the salty chips that accompanied my lunch.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Coffee and well, more water.
17. Current worry right now? Money. Always money.
18. Current hate right now? The Lieutenant’s job.
19. Favorite place to be? Heaven. (See sidebar for reference.) OR In the back of the squad.
20. How did you ring in the New Year? Mozeltoff! Ingesting multicolored jello shots and making phallic snow creations in the front yard.
21. Like to travel? I used to hate it. I love it now.
22. Name three people who will complete Sunday Stealing this week: You got that right Epi! I’m a sucker for these things! I don’t know who else has attained my level of boredom.
23. Do you own slippers? Yes. I have the boring black pair and then I have ones that have Tigger heads on them.
24. What color shirt are you wearing? Black and black.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Flannel is the way to go.
26. Can you whistle? Oh yeah.
27. Favorite singer/band? I don’t have a favorite. But then again Dread Pirate Roberts makes me giggle when he sings.
28. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? You bet your ass I could. Grrr baby.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower anymore. I need to move my radio back to the bathroom so I can resume my singing schedule. But then again, I have to sing quietly so as not to wake the Lietuenant.
30. Favorite girl’s names? Madelyn, Samantha
31. Favorite boy’s name? Benjamin, Ethan
32. What’s in your pocket right now? My pants don’t have pockets today. But they are plaid. Totally makes up for it.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Hmmm, I don’t believe I have laughed yet today.
34. Like your job? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *gasp* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. No.
35. WHY IS THERE NO 35?!?
36. Do you love where you live? I would love my house more if I could do what I wanted to it. I don’t really like my neighborhood, but my town is sheer awesomeness. Well not really the board per say, but the town itself is.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three, but only two are functional
38. Who is your loudest friend? Hmm, Will. Yep. Definitely Will.
39. Do you drive the speed limit or speed? I try to drive only 5 over, but I run late far too often and I generally push my luck. I am so much better than I used to be though.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope at least one person does.
41. What is your favorite book? If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. What can I say. I’m a simple girl.
42. What is your favorite candy? Milky Way. Or Twizzler Bits. Or Swedish Fish. Or caramels. Or sour worms. Like I can decide.
43. Favorite Sports Team? The home teams. Driver is my boy.
44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Snoring, I’m sure.
45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? Holy hell it’s cold.
No tagging from me today folks. But if you decide to stoop to my level, feel free to let me know.
1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? Not really.
2. Favorite late night snack? I seem to eat slices of Kraft singles.
3. Do you own a gun? I own one. In fact, it was the first Christmas present I ever received from the Lieutenant. Of course there was also a diamond necklace in the case. *Swoon*
4. What’s your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? Pumpkin Spice Latte, or the White Chocolate Mocha. YUMMY!
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Ha, well which doctor am I going to and for what? Although some of them I am quickly becoming a pro.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I will eat them if I am starving, I will devour them if they are on a stick and wrapped in a golden blanket of corn.
7. Favorite Christmas song? Carol of the Bells, but generally all of it.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water first. Then coffee. For I am a failure. 5 months coffee free and one rough weekend sent me spiraling back. I blame E.
9. Can you do push-ups? No.
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I am quite partial to my wedding set.
11. Favorite hobby? Painting and drawing. Taking pictures. Laughing until my sides hurt.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? No, I just have too much to do.
13. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? My inability to forgive and forget.
14. The last disease you contracted? Please hold while I knock on some wood… I have been illness free for quite some time. It has been two years since my last sinus infection and at least that much since the 7 Day Plague. Go me.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I miss my husband. I need to clear my throat. My tongue burns from the salty chips that accompanied my lunch.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Coffee and well, more water.
17. Current worry right now? Money. Always money.
18. Current hate right now? The Lieutenant’s job.
19. Favorite place to be? Heaven. (See sidebar for reference.) OR In the back of the squad.
20. How did you ring in the New Year? Mozeltoff! Ingesting multicolored jello shots and making phallic snow creations in the front yard.
21. Like to travel? I used to hate it. I love it now.
22. Name three people who will complete Sunday Stealing this week: You got that right Epi! I’m a sucker for these things! I don’t know who else has attained my level of boredom.
23. Do you own slippers? Yes. I have the boring black pair and then I have ones that have Tigger heads on them.
24. What color shirt are you wearing? Black and black.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Flannel is the way to go.
26. Can you whistle? Oh yeah.
27. Favorite singer/band? I don’t have a favorite. But then again Dread Pirate Roberts makes me giggle when he sings.
28. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? You bet your ass I could. Grrr baby.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower anymore. I need to move my radio back to the bathroom so I can resume my singing schedule. But then again, I have to sing quietly so as not to wake the Lietuenant.
30. Favorite girl’s names? Madelyn, Samantha
31. Favorite boy’s name? Benjamin, Ethan
32. What’s in your pocket right now? My pants don’t have pockets today. But they are plaid. Totally makes up for it.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Hmmm, I don’t believe I have laughed yet today.
34. Like your job? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *gasp* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. No.
35. WHY IS THERE NO 35?!?
36. Do you love where you live? I would love my house more if I could do what I wanted to it. I don’t really like my neighborhood, but my town is sheer awesomeness. Well not really the board per say, but the town itself is.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three, but only two are functional
38. Who is your loudest friend? Hmm, Will. Yep. Definitely Will.
39. Do you drive the speed limit or speed? I try to drive only 5 over, but I run late far too often and I generally push my luck. I am so much better than I used to be though.
40. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope at least one person does.
41. What is your favorite book? If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. What can I say. I’m a simple girl.
42. What is your favorite candy? Milky Way. Or Twizzler Bits. Or Swedish Fish. Or caramels. Or sour worms. Like I can decide.
43. Favorite Sports Team? The home teams. Driver is my boy.
44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Snoring, I’m sure.
45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? Holy hell it’s cold.
No tagging from me today folks. But if you decide to stoop to my level, feel free to let me know.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
7 Things
Epi is a major factor in my lack of productivity. So here you go...
So, the rules are... (Per Epi...)
Divulge 7 things I plan to do before I die
7 things I do now,
7 things I can’t do,
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
7 things I say most often
7 celebrities I admire
and 6 (make that seven to satisfy the OCD side of me - Epi) “interesting” things about myself.
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Be a mom. Whether it be my own biological children or a child that needs a family, it matters not to me. But I WILL be a mom.
2. Travel to Europe.
3. Get something published. A poem, a story, anything.
4. Get to a point where I don't have to be a super paranoid budget freak.
5. Be content with my life and just enjoy what I have.
6. Run a road race.
7. Learn to play guitar.
7 things I do now:
1. Think too much.
2. Yell too much.
3. Worry too much.
4. Work too much.
5. Talk too much.
6. Plan too much.
7. Want too much.
7 things I can't do:
1. Stand up to certain people.
2. Have faith in my skills.
3. Tolerate stupidity.
4. Go on vacation.
5. See my husband every night.
6. Decide on what I want to do for a 'career'.
7. Make up my mind on anything.
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. His smile
2. How he treats other people
3. How he carries himself
4. His eyes
5. His humor
6. How he speaks
7. How he looks when he talks about something he is passionate about.
7 things I say most often:
1. Dude!
2. Shut up.
3. Joseph and Mary!
4. F*ck.
5. I love you.
6. What the crap?
7. Seriously?
7 celebrities I admire:
Sadly, these days, there aren't too many to admire.
Johnny Depp - Not only is he rediculously hot, he protects his children with a vengence. He also refuses to play roles that he wouldn't want his children seeing him do.
7 interesting things about myself:
1. My elbows hyperextend to a point of being disturbing.
2. I once was a cheerleader. (SHUT UP!)
3. I have fake teeth. I was born without the adult versions so I have some procelains.
4. I was an art major in college and I am sad that I didn't stick with it. I miss it.
5. I have several different laughs. If you know me well enough, you can tell how I am feeling by how I laugh.
6. I can turn the charm on and off. As in being pissy and cursing one second and then pleasant and cordial the next. Works well when contact customers.
7. I am a closet neat-freak. If I am having a bad day or feeling anxious, a neat, clean and organized room/house/desk will put me at ease.
I won't tag anyone, but if you do plan on playing along, let me know in comments.
So, the rules are... (Per Epi...)
Divulge 7 things I plan to do before I die
7 things I do now,
7 things I can’t do,
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
7 things I say most often
7 celebrities I admire
and 6 (make that seven to satisfy the OCD side of me - Epi) “interesting” things about myself.
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1. Be a mom. Whether it be my own biological children or a child that needs a family, it matters not to me. But I WILL be a mom.
2. Travel to Europe.
3. Get something published. A poem, a story, anything.
4. Get to a point where I don't have to be a super paranoid budget freak.
5. Be content with my life and just enjoy what I have.
6. Run a road race.
7. Learn to play guitar.
7 things I do now:
1. Think too much.
2. Yell too much.
3. Worry too much.
4. Work too much.
5. Talk too much.
6. Plan too much.
7. Want too much.
7 things I can't do:
1. Stand up to certain people.
2. Have faith in my skills.
3. Tolerate stupidity.
4. Go on vacation.
5. See my husband every night.
6. Decide on what I want to do for a 'career'.
7. Make up my mind on anything.
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. His smile
2. How he treats other people
3. How he carries himself
4. His eyes
5. His humor
6. How he speaks
7. How he looks when he talks about something he is passionate about.
7 things I say most often:
1. Dude!
2. Shut up.
3. Joseph and Mary!
4. F*ck.
5. I love you.
6. What the crap?
7. Seriously?
7 celebrities I admire:
Sadly, these days, there aren't too many to admire.
Johnny Depp - Not only is he rediculously hot, he protects his children with a vengence. He also refuses to play roles that he wouldn't want his children seeing him do.
7 interesting things about myself:
1. My elbows hyperextend to a point of being disturbing.
2. I once was a cheerleader. (SHUT UP!)
3. I have fake teeth. I was born without the adult versions so I have some procelains.
4. I was an art major in college and I am sad that I didn't stick with it. I miss it.
5. I have several different laughs. If you know me well enough, you can tell how I am feeling by how I laugh.
6. I can turn the charm on and off. As in being pissy and cursing one second and then pleasant and cordial the next. Works well when contact customers.
7. I am a closet neat-freak. If I am having a bad day or feeling anxious, a neat, clean and organized room/house/desk will put me at ease.
I won't tag anyone, but if you do plan on playing along, let me know in comments.
Monday, November 17, 2008
That's just not right...
Do you KNOW what a finger looks like without a fingernail? Do you? I have never ever wondered and yet, now I know.
*shudder*
I will have to keep this bad boy taped in place for the next 3 months until a new one can grow in.
Not gonna lie folks, this whole situation is making me a touch warm and light headed. Wait... do I hear Charlie Brown's teacher? Ruh-roh...
...
*shudder*
I will have to keep this bad boy taped in place for the next 3 months until a new one can grow in.
Not gonna lie folks, this whole situation is making me a touch warm and light headed. Wait... do I hear Charlie Brown's teacher? Ruh-roh...
...
Exactly.
Coldplay: Lost
Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross
Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse
I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...
5 Things
5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago
- Getting my driver’s license
- Running over 5 miles a day
- Loathing every day of high school
- Working at a nasty restaurant bussing tables
- Sneaking into beer tents at the local country music festival
5 Things on My To-Do List Today
- Make it through the day without talking to anyone.
- Get the training set up and plan an extra scenario to include the firemen
- Finish the last three projects sitting on my desk
- Sign up for the EMS conference
- Work out before training
5 Snacks I Like
- Popcorn, especially kettle corn
- Chips and our home-made cheese
- String cheese
- Craisins and almonds
- Fruit Loops
5 Things I Would Do If I Was A Millionaire
- Pay off all of our debt
- Go on a long vacation
- Work in a job I love even if the paycheck is laughable
- Get the Lieutenant off of second shift
- Remodel our entire house
5 Places I Have Lived (for various lengths of time)
- My parents house
- The dorm
- Apartment on 11
- Apartment on 20
- My house
5 Jobs I Have Had
- Vet Tech
- Chiropractic Assistant
- Store Set-up
- Strawberry Picker
- Trucking Supervisor
5 People I Tag to Answer
The five people that read this here blog.
- Getting my driver’s license
- Running over 5 miles a day
- Loathing every day of high school
- Working at a nasty restaurant bussing tables
- Sneaking into beer tents at the local country music festival
5 Things on My To-Do List Today
- Make it through the day without talking to anyone.
- Get the training set up and plan an extra scenario to include the firemen
- Finish the last three projects sitting on my desk
- Sign up for the EMS conference
- Work out before training
5 Snacks I Like
- Popcorn, especially kettle corn
- Chips and our home-made cheese
- String cheese
- Craisins and almonds
- Fruit Loops
5 Things I Would Do If I Was A Millionaire
- Pay off all of our debt
- Go on a long vacation
- Work in a job I love even if the paycheck is laughable
- Get the Lieutenant off of second shift
- Remodel our entire house
5 Places I Have Lived (for various lengths of time)
- My parents house
- The dorm
- Apartment on 11
- Apartment on 20
- My house
5 Jobs I Have Had
- Vet Tech
- Chiropractic Assistant
- Store Set-up
- Strawberry Picker
- Trucking Supervisor
5 People I Tag to Answer
The five people that read this here blog.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Must See Movie
All of you out there, if you have not seen the Princess Bride. You must go rent it and watch it tonight. Better yet, go buy yourself a copy, because this is one you are going to want to keep on hand.
Seriously. You will thank me.
Also, I am toying with the idea of taking on a part time job in the Big City. Experience and blog fodder. What more could a girl want? AND I would be partnering with Jo. Now THAT, my friends, is destined to be a good time.
Other than that, a new chapter over at Shades of Gray. Check it out and tell me if it sucks. Better yet, don't. I am tough, but maybe not that tough.
Seriously. You will thank me.
Also, I am toying with the idea of taking on a part time job in the Big City. Experience and blog fodder. What more could a girl want? AND I would be partnering with Jo. Now THAT, my friends, is destined to be a good time.
Other than that, a new chapter over at Shades of Gray. Check it out and tell me if it sucks. Better yet, don't. I am tough, but maybe not that tough.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Award
Thank you to Chris for the blog award. It is always nice to know that people enjoy reading what I'm putting out there for the world to judge.
The Bookworm Award
Rules:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!
Since I am at work, the only book I have besides our catalog is Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high.
"You have become a vigilant self monitor.
"That is, pay close attention to what you're doing and the impact it's having, and then alter your strategy if necessary. Specifically, watch to see if you're having a good or bad impact on safety."
Here are my 5, but first...
*Disclaimer* For those of you that are wondering why in the world you were not included, I am just trying to share the love. *cough*MichaelandEpi*cough*
1. Sam at On the Clock is not only a fantastic writer, she is also one hell of a good emt. Her stories bring you into her life as if you were there. Definitely worth a glance if you haven't stopped there already.
2. Paramedic Supermonkey not only entertains but presents topics of discussion that whether or not you agree, will definitely get your gears turning.
3. Medicmarch is downright entertaining. Just finish your coffee before heading over.
4. This is one Big Bad Wolf that wont send you running and screaming for your life. Thought provoking and amusing to boot. If you are a Giants fan or just a fan of chicks in Giant's gear, you will like him that much more.
5. AD is absolutely one of my favorite bloggers. If I had a penny for every time he moved me to tears or laugh until my stomach hurt, well, I could buy one hell of a breakfast. Check him out, but bring the kleenex with, especially when perusing his greatest hits.
The Bookworm Award
Rules:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!
Since I am at work, the only book I have besides our catalog is Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high.
"You have become a vigilant self monitor.
"That is, pay close attention to what you're doing and the impact it's having, and then alter your strategy if necessary. Specifically, watch to see if you're having a good or bad impact on safety."
Here are my 5, but first...
*Disclaimer* For those of you that are wondering why in the world you were not included, I am just trying to share the love. *cough*MichaelandEpi*cough*
1. Sam at On the Clock is not only a fantastic writer, she is also one hell of a good emt. Her stories bring you into her life as if you were there. Definitely worth a glance if you haven't stopped there already.
2. Paramedic Supermonkey not only entertains but presents topics of discussion that whether or not you agree, will definitely get your gears turning.
3. Medicmarch is downright entertaining. Just finish your coffee before heading over.
4. This is one Big Bad Wolf that wont send you running and screaming for your life. Thought provoking and amusing to boot. If you are a Giants fan or just a fan of chicks in Giant's gear, you will like him that much more.
5. AD is absolutely one of my favorite bloggers. If I had a penny for every time he moved me to tears or laugh until my stomach hurt, well, I could buy one hell of a breakfast. Check him out, but bring the kleenex with, especially when perusing his greatest hits.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Friends
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.- Henry Ford
Throughout our lives, we come into contact with more people than my mind can fathom. And yet out of all of them, a few stand out from the crowd and earn the title of acquaintance. From those, an ever fewer amount earn the right to be called a friend.
For me, being considered a friend is a pretty high honor. Being a friend can be the hardest job there is; listening without judgement, accepting them despite all their faults, defending their honor on blind faith and choosing to hide your own feelings to protect theirs. All of these things represent only the tip of the iceberg that is a true friendship.
Some friends are female, some are male. Some are loud and outspoken and some prefer to keep quietly to themselves. Some you see daily and some you see when the stars align and the universe smiles. Some become husbands and some become wives. Some are introduced by birth and some are introduced by chance. Despite all the combinations of how they may differ they have one thing in common... they are there for you whenever they need you. Whether it be a visit, an email, a phone call or even a phonetically spelled text, they let you know they are there for you no matter what.
That is the kind of friend I want to be. That is the kind of friends I have.
Whether you are in the same neighborhood or in another country, nothing changes.
To all of you, and you know who you are, thank you. My life wouldn't be as fun, as rich or as wonderful without you in it. Because of you, my cup runneth over.
Throughout our lives, we come into contact with more people than my mind can fathom. And yet out of all of them, a few stand out from the crowd and earn the title of acquaintance. From those, an ever fewer amount earn the right to be called a friend.
For me, being considered a friend is a pretty high honor. Being a friend can be the hardest job there is; listening without judgement, accepting them despite all their faults, defending their honor on blind faith and choosing to hide your own feelings to protect theirs. All of these things represent only the tip of the iceberg that is a true friendship.
Some friends are female, some are male. Some are loud and outspoken and some prefer to keep quietly to themselves. Some you see daily and some you see when the stars align and the universe smiles. Some become husbands and some become wives. Some are introduced by birth and some are introduced by chance. Despite all the combinations of how they may differ they have one thing in common... they are there for you whenever they need you. Whether it be a visit, an email, a phone call or even a phonetically spelled text, they let you know they are there for you no matter what.
That is the kind of friend I want to be. That is the kind of friends I have.
Whether you are in the same neighborhood or in another country, nothing changes.
To all of you, and you know who you are, thank you. My life wouldn't be as fun, as rich or as wonderful without you in it. Because of you, my cup runneth over.
Thank you.
What can you see from your window?
I can't see anything from mine.
Flags on the side of the highway
and scripture on grocery store signs.
Maybe eighteen was too early.
Maybe thirty or forty is too.
Did you get your chance to make peace with the man
before he sent down his angels for you?
Mamas and grandmamas love you
'cause that's all they know how to do.
You never planned on the bombs in the sand
or sleeping in your dress blues.
Your wife said this all would be funny
when you came back home in a week.
You'd turn twenty-two and we'd celebrate you
in a bar or a tent by the creek.
Your baby would just about be here.
Your very last tour would be up
but you won't be back. They're all dressing in black
drinking sweet tea in styrofoam cups.
Mamas and grandmamas love you.
American boys hate to lose.
You never planned on the bombs in the sand
or sleeping in your dress blues.
Now the high school gymnasium's ready,
full of flowers and old legionnaires.
Nobody showed up to protest,
just sniffle and stare.
But there's red, white, and blue in the rafters
and there's silent old men from the corps.
What did they say when they shipped you away
to fight somebody's Hollywood war?
Nobody here could forget you.
You showed us what we had to lose.
You never planned on the bombs in the sand
or sleeping in your dress blues.
No, no you never planned on the bombs in the sand
or sleeping in your dress blues.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Thank you Grandpa for your service in WWII.
Thank you Rob for braving the deep blue sea.
Thank you Will for continuing to step up and serve.
Thank you Max for going there and leading like I knew you could.
I am blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.
Thank you. I love you.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Things that make me happy.
Hot chocolate with melty marshmallows.
The smell of wood burning fireplaces.
A clean house.
A fully pantry.
The smell of line-dried sheets.
The sound the dogs make when they are chasing rabbits in their sleep.
Silly gifts for no reason.
Freshly painted rooms.
Trying yummy new foods.
Laughing so hard you cry.
The smell of frigid air after it stops snowing.
The squeak-crunch your boots make in fresh snow.
Sledding on the old toboggan.
The smell of a baby's head after a bath.
Sleeping with a newborn on your chest.
Love notes that make you cry.
Good hair days.
Cute new shoes.
Fitting into your skinny jeans again.
Compliments from strangers.
MacGyver nights with the brothers.
Sushi nights.
Laughing for no reason at all over something silly.
The smell of wood burning fireplaces.
A clean house.
A fully pantry.
The smell of line-dried sheets.
The sound the dogs make when they are chasing rabbits in their sleep.
Silly gifts for no reason.
Freshly painted rooms.
Trying yummy new foods.
Laughing so hard you cry.
The smell of frigid air after it stops snowing.
The squeak-crunch your boots make in fresh snow.
Sledding on the old toboggan.
The smell of a baby's head after a bath.
Sleeping with a newborn on your chest.
Love notes that make you cry.
Good hair days.
Cute new shoes.
Fitting into your skinny jeans again.
Compliments from strangers.
MacGyver nights with the brothers.
Sushi nights.
Laughing for no reason at all over something silly.
Lowering the bar.
Disappointment can't find you if you set the bar so low that even a slug would have a hard time getting under. Yep, I think that is the new plan of action.
And so it shall be.
And so it shall be.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
My first, last and only political post.
I have a few friends that don't vote. I understand that it is their right not to just as it is my right to place my vote. I have heard several reasons why ranging from 1) I don't know enough about the candidates to make an educated vote,
2) My one vote isn't going to make a difference, 3) I didn't vote because I trust God has a plan and who am I to interfere.
I have thought long and hard about it and the more I think about it, the more agitated I get. In order to try and not turn this into complete word vomit, I will address the one at a time.
Not knowing enough about the candidates is just plain laziness. It is so easy to gather information about them and where they stand on certain topics. At the very least, watch the debates. See how each candidate treats the other and how they present themselves. Read an article, talk to people, get curious! I just can't understand why you wouldn't when the government has such a huge impact on your day to day life.
I'll admit, I often think that my vote isn't going to count because there has got to be someone out there that is voting for the other guy and is therefore cancelling my vote out. Right? In essence, yes but who is to say that your vote doesn't count. If we all took a passive approach and just let other people take the responsibility, then you are more likely to end up with less ideas. Like they say, two heads are better than one. Who is to say that what you think doesn't count!? By not casting your ONE vote, you are making yourself insignificant. You are resigning to defeat.
Lastly, and probably the most controversial point when considering my upbringing and my current feelings on religion in general but I digress, is those that don't vote because they feel God has a plan and it will be however he deems no matter if they vote or not. It reminds me of the story of the man who stayed in his home during a flood. He is approached three times by others that were willing to help him and save him and yet he repeatedly turned them down stating God would save him. He couldn't see the forest for the trees. Each person that stopped was God providing an escape. God provided for you to vote so that you can in essence 'save yourself.' To not utilize the means seems overtly contradictory. Maybe it is jealousy of the complete faith or maybe it is my common sense module doing into brain-goo inducing overdrive. Either way, to not vote based on any of these reasons seems such a waste.
Not everyone in this world has the ability to vote based on what they feel is right. It is a priveledge that I think is often taken for granted. Now I wont go so far as to say not to vote is going to cause our forefathers to roll over in their graves but I'm thinking they wouldn't be exactly thrilled. In essence, it is your right to vote for Michael Jackson if you wanted to or just abstain from the election process all together, but it is also my right to think you are a bloomin' butt for not.
All I can say now is at least it is all over with... for now.
2) My one vote isn't going to make a difference, 3) I didn't vote because I trust God has a plan and who am I to interfere.
I have thought long and hard about it and the more I think about it, the more agitated I get. In order to try and not turn this into complete word vomit, I will address the one at a time.
Not knowing enough about the candidates is just plain laziness. It is so easy to gather information about them and where they stand on certain topics. At the very least, watch the debates. See how each candidate treats the other and how they present themselves. Read an article, talk to people, get curious! I just can't understand why you wouldn't when the government has such a huge impact on your day to day life.
I'll admit, I often think that my vote isn't going to count because there has got to be someone out there that is voting for the other guy and is therefore cancelling my vote out. Right? In essence, yes but who is to say that your vote doesn't count. If we all took a passive approach and just let other people take the responsibility, then you are more likely to end up with less ideas. Like they say, two heads are better than one. Who is to say that what you think doesn't count!? By not casting your ONE vote, you are making yourself insignificant. You are resigning to defeat.
Lastly, and probably the most controversial point when considering my upbringing and my current feelings on religion in general but I digress, is those that don't vote because they feel God has a plan and it will be however he deems no matter if they vote or not. It reminds me of the story of the man who stayed in his home during a flood. He is approached three times by others that were willing to help him and save him and yet he repeatedly turned them down stating God would save him. He couldn't see the forest for the trees. Each person that stopped was God providing an escape. God provided for you to vote so that you can in essence 'save yourself.' To not utilize the means seems overtly contradictory. Maybe it is jealousy of the complete faith or maybe it is my common sense module doing into brain-goo inducing overdrive. Either way, to not vote based on any of these reasons seems such a waste.
Not everyone in this world has the ability to vote based on what they feel is right. It is a priveledge that I think is often taken for granted. Now I wont go so far as to say not to vote is going to cause our forefathers to roll over in their graves but I'm thinking they wouldn't be exactly thrilled. In essence, it is your right to vote for Michael Jackson if you wanted to or just abstain from the election process all together, but it is also my right to think you are a bloomin' butt for not.
All I can say now is at least it is all over with... for now.
Again, Epi is stunting my productivity.
Not that I don't have other things to think/worry about (that is my bag you know)... but a break from reality is quite welcomed this am.
So without further ado... an alphabet meme.
A is for your age:
26. This is my golden year. Can't you tell?
B is for beer of choice:
Woodchuck
C is for what you care about right now
Bills, bills and more bills. They are monopolizing all of my ability to care at the moment.
D is for your dog's name:
Which one? I have Sadie, Montana and Henri. All women. Poor Lieutenant.
E is for one essential item you use everyday:
Toothpaste
F is for one favorite TV show:
Bones... Oh David!
G is for favorite game to watch:
Hockey in person, Football on TV
H is for Home town :
If I told you I would have to kill you and I'm not that into murder. Sorry.
I is for instruments you play:
Alto Sax, Bari Sax, Soprano Sax, Trombone, Piano, Triangle.
J is for favorite juice:
Orange somethingorother you can get from Chipotle.
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick:
My AC of EMS.
L is for last place you ate:
My desk. Go me.
M is for marriage:
I have one rockstar marriage.
N is for your Middle name:
Again, you don't get to know. It is pretty friggin unique and frankly, I don't want to share despite the fact that I adore my middle name.
O is for overnight hospital stay:
Only when I slept in a chair for eight days at the trauma center with the Lieutenant.
P is for people you were with today:
Technically the Lieutenant was sleeping a mere 4 inches from me, but from there on out it has been the dogs and coworkers.
Q is for quote:
"Sometimes I wish I could ignore myself." - Bernice
R is for Biggest regret:
Him.
S is for SEX:
I am a female, yes.
T is for time you woke up today:
4L50 SNOOZE 5:00 SNOOZE 5:10 SNOOZE 5:15 HEAD TO CARPOOL 6:00 SNOOZE IN THE CAR 6:50 At my desk.
U is for underwear you have on now:
Uncomfrotable! Gonne be a long day!
V is for a vegetable you love:
Peas, green beans, broccoli, asparagus, I love them all! Well except for brussel sprouts and lima beans. *gag*
W is for worst habit:
Self doubt.
X is for xylophone (because it always is):
I used to play one of those too.
Y is for something yummy you ate today:
It is either the fiber bar I had or the bitter coffee. But the fiber bar had chocolate in it, so we are going to go with that.
Z is for zodiac sign:
Virgo
So without further ado... an alphabet meme.
A is for your age:
26. This is my golden year. Can't you tell?
B is for beer of choice:
Woodchuck
C is for what you care about right now
Bills, bills and more bills. They are monopolizing all of my ability to care at the moment.
D is for your dog's name:
Which one? I have Sadie, Montana and Henri. All women. Poor Lieutenant.
E is for one essential item you use everyday:
Toothpaste
F is for one favorite TV show:
Bones... Oh David!
G is for favorite game to watch:
Hockey in person, Football on TV
H is for Home town :
If I told you I would have to kill you and I'm not that into murder. Sorry.
I is for instruments you play:
Alto Sax, Bari Sax, Soprano Sax, Trombone, Piano, Triangle.
J is for favorite juice:
Orange somethingorother you can get from Chipotle.
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick:
My AC of EMS.
L is for last place you ate:
My desk. Go me.
M is for marriage:
I have one rockstar marriage.
N is for your Middle name:
Again, you don't get to know. It is pretty friggin unique and frankly, I don't want to share despite the fact that I adore my middle name.
O is for overnight hospital stay:
Only when I slept in a chair for eight days at the trauma center with the Lieutenant.
P is for people you were with today:
Technically the Lieutenant was sleeping a mere 4 inches from me, but from there on out it has been the dogs and coworkers.
Q is for quote:
"Sometimes I wish I could ignore myself." - Bernice
R is for Biggest regret:
Him.
S is for SEX:
I am a female, yes.
T is for time you woke up today:
4L50 SNOOZE 5:00 SNOOZE 5:10 SNOOZE 5:15 HEAD TO CARPOOL 6:00 SNOOZE IN THE CAR 6:50 At my desk.
U is for underwear you have on now:
Uncomfrotable! Gonne be a long day!
V is for a vegetable you love:
Peas, green beans, broccoli, asparagus, I love them all! Well except for brussel sprouts and lima beans. *gag*
W is for worst habit:
Self doubt.
X is for xylophone (because it always is):
I used to play one of those too.
Y is for something yummy you ate today:
It is either the fiber bar I had or the bitter coffee. But the fiber bar had chocolate in it, so we are going to go with that.
Z is for zodiac sign:
Virgo
Monday, November 3, 2008
I wonder...
We were swapping childhood war stories yesterday as we demo'ed the basement. Who hurt who with what and the comparing of the resulting scars. From that the statement was made that when it comes to being an EMT, you either have it, or you don't. Any thoughts on this? I am still comtemplating it myself...
Oh Monday...
You dirty sneaky little tramp. You promise the fresh start to a new week. A week that begs for productivity and contentment. I lay my head down Sunday night, looking forward to the routine of another week and the promise of a few nights of rest and relaxation. The sweet ideals that you whisper into my ear lull me into a slumber as I lay unaware of your plot. Moments after it becomes your day you unleash the chaos and the stupidity. You are barely born and the insanity begins.
Why, Monday? Why must you treat me so?
I don't think we can continue to be friends.
Why, Monday? Why must you treat me so?
I don't think we can continue to be friends.
Friday, October 31, 2008
I'm here.
And still alive. Life has been insane with the coming of the newest nephew. That and work. Oh and did I mention work?
Going out tonight with friends as St. Pauli Girl even if I don't have the massive knockers for it.
Everyone have a safe and fun weekend and enjoy the extra hour if you get it.
Going out tonight with friends as St. Pauli Girl even if I don't have the massive knockers for it.
Everyone have a safe and fun weekend and enjoy the extra hour if you get it.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
When it rains...
10 calls in 24 hours. TEN!
Three of them within five minutes of each other.
And it all happens on the one night the Lieutenant and I go out of town for dinner with friends and I come home with a stomach ache that could cripple a horse.
Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something...
And on another note, tomorrow we go for assisted attempt #2 at a little one. It's already time to break out the Platinum card... ugh.
Three of them within five minutes of each other.
And it all happens on the one night the Lieutenant and I go out of town for dinner with friends and I come home with a stomach ache that could cripple a horse.
Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something...
And on another note, tomorrow we go for assisted attempt #2 at a little one. It's already time to break out the Platinum card... ugh.
Monday, October 27, 2008
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Aretha sang it first. And sang it well. Unfortunately, I am realizing that not everyone knows that tune.
It feels as though I am stuck smack dab in the middle of a losing battle. Respect is not automaticall given, it is earned. I'm not sure what I am not doing right, but I am definitely not getting it. When others talk, I listen. When they state their opinion I take it into consideration and talk it through with them so they know I am taking them seriously. I am open and try to see both sides of every story even when the odds are stacked against someone. And yet when I talk, it is generally mass chaos. There are eight other conversations going on. If and when I do get my change and people actually listen, I seem to be rewarded with eyes that can't seem to sit still and chuckles and snorts of anger and contempt.
I am so frustrated, the idea of throwing in the towel sounds more and more appealing every day. Is it really worth all of this?
It feels as though I am stuck smack dab in the middle of a losing battle. Respect is not automaticall given, it is earned. I'm not sure what I am not doing right, but I am definitely not getting it. When others talk, I listen. When they state their opinion I take it into consideration and talk it through with them so they know I am taking them seriously. I am open and try to see both sides of every story even when the odds are stacked against someone. And yet when I talk, it is generally mass chaos. There are eight other conversations going on. If and when I do get my change and people actually listen, I seem to be rewarded with eyes that can't seem to sit still and chuckles and snorts of anger and contempt.
I am so frustrated, the idea of throwing in the towel sounds more and more appealing every day. Is it really worth all of this?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Have you ever walked IN a lake?
I have... You would think such low water would make fishing easier. Not so much.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Standoff.
I opened the back doors and felt the rush of warm night air on my face. The fresh breeze was welcomed as it swept through the ambulance, diluting the smell of sweat, blood and tension. There were far too many bodies huddled around the curls that were now tinted a deep red. I swung the doors shut and clasped my shaking hands together doing all I could to make them work as I wanted them to. My temper and the images that were slowly embedding themselves into my memory fueled the fire and my hands continued to shake.
My feet took over and did whatever they pleased. They carried me back and forth across the road alternating my view from an empty road and a single helicopter to controlled chaos highlighted by flashing reds, blues and whites. The scrape-thud of my heavy boots and the ragged breaths acted as the metronome calculating each step.
I turned anticipating the same empty road but found a new figure, it's dark silhouette outlined by the lights from the helicopter behind it. My feet stopped, my breathing stopped and my eyes narrowed, trying to determine the outline that lay just past the last firetruck. The realization of what it was hit me in the stomach like an angry fist. The little red light blinked off and on off and on, taunting me causing the vomit rising in my throat and anger to mix dangerously. I turned towards my ambulance which was still sealed shut despite the overflow of EMT's, firefighters and flight nurses.
With a heavy sigh, I turned my boots towards the blinking light.
"Hi there. I'm Bernice with the fire department and I have a favor to ask of you. They will be taking the patient past you in a few minutes and I would hope that you could discontinue taping while they wheel her past."
"No can do. I am a reporter and I have every right to be here and take whatever pictures I feel necessary."
"Actually, you do not have a right to be here as this is an emergency scene and you have no right to take pictures of my patients, especially when they are underage. Despite that fact, it is just a courtesy I am asking of you. So, if you could, please turn off your camera while they wheel the patient past. No one needs to see that, espeically her family."
"I already told you, I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me. It's not like I am taping her face. Besides, the lawyers wont allow me to show it anyway."
The click of the doors opening raised the hair on the back of my neck. It took everything I had to keep my voice calm and cool.
"I'm afraid you do not have a choice. I am asking nicely, please stop filming. Especially since you just stated yourself you will not be able to use the foorage anyway. There are plenty of trucks and personnel. You are more than welcome to film that, just not my patient."
My mind was racing. This could end very badly for me, especially if this conversation was actually being recorded. That thought reinforced my cool demeanor. The image of a mother seeing her daughter on tv in this state sent hot waves of goosebumps up my spine.
The voices of my crew grew closer and my stomach knotted tighter.
I didn't think, I just reacted.
My gloved hand rose and stopped three inches from the lens. Somehow it remained there, steady and unwavering.
When the mass of blue passed, I slowly lowered my hand.
"I'm sorry it came to that but the next time you insist on filming my patients, I will have you excorted from the scene by the sheriff."
And with that, I spun on my heel with my chin high. Even my boots changed their tune. Instead of the scrape-thud, they retorted with an authoratative singular clump. The tears bruned the back of my eyes with the knowledge that the name on my coat would surely remove any speculation as to who the other voice was on that tape. I didn't care. I would rather lose my ass to a reporter than allow a mother to see her daughter that way.
I quietly slipped into the ambulance. My head hit my hands and my shoulders shook. I cried for her. I cried for me. I cried for her mother.
A firm hand on my shoulder raised my tear-stained cheeks. Above me stood Arrogant Paramedic.
"You did great Bernice. And I will back you 100%. Welcome to being a captain."
With a wink and a smile, he turned and disappeared out the door into the strobes and chaos.
My feet took over and did whatever they pleased. They carried me back and forth across the road alternating my view from an empty road and a single helicopter to controlled chaos highlighted by flashing reds, blues and whites. The scrape-thud of my heavy boots and the ragged breaths acted as the metronome calculating each step.
I turned anticipating the same empty road but found a new figure, it's dark silhouette outlined by the lights from the helicopter behind it. My feet stopped, my breathing stopped and my eyes narrowed, trying to determine the outline that lay just past the last firetruck. The realization of what it was hit me in the stomach like an angry fist. The little red light blinked off and on off and on, taunting me causing the vomit rising in my throat and anger to mix dangerously. I turned towards my ambulance which was still sealed shut despite the overflow of EMT's, firefighters and flight nurses.
With a heavy sigh, I turned my boots towards the blinking light.
"Hi there. I'm Bernice with the fire department and I have a favor to ask of you. They will be taking the patient past you in a few minutes and I would hope that you could discontinue taping while they wheel her past."
"No can do. I am a reporter and I have every right to be here and take whatever pictures I feel necessary."
"Actually, you do not have a right to be here as this is an emergency scene and you have no right to take pictures of my patients, especially when they are underage. Despite that fact, it is just a courtesy I am asking of you. So, if you could, please turn off your camera while they wheel the patient past. No one needs to see that, espeically her family."
"I already told you, I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me. It's not like I am taping her face. Besides, the lawyers wont allow me to show it anyway."
The click of the doors opening raised the hair on the back of my neck. It took everything I had to keep my voice calm and cool.
"I'm afraid you do not have a choice. I am asking nicely, please stop filming. Especially since you just stated yourself you will not be able to use the foorage anyway. There are plenty of trucks and personnel. You are more than welcome to film that, just not my patient."
My mind was racing. This could end very badly for me, especially if this conversation was actually being recorded. That thought reinforced my cool demeanor. The image of a mother seeing her daughter on tv in this state sent hot waves of goosebumps up my spine.
The voices of my crew grew closer and my stomach knotted tighter.
I didn't think, I just reacted.
My gloved hand rose and stopped three inches from the lens. Somehow it remained there, steady and unwavering.
When the mass of blue passed, I slowly lowered my hand.
"I'm sorry it came to that but the next time you insist on filming my patients, I will have you excorted from the scene by the sheriff."
And with that, I spun on my heel with my chin high. Even my boots changed their tune. Instead of the scrape-thud, they retorted with an authoratative singular clump. The tears bruned the back of my eyes with the knowledge that the name on my coat would surely remove any speculation as to who the other voice was on that tape. I didn't care. I would rather lose my ass to a reporter than allow a mother to see her daughter that way.
I quietly slipped into the ambulance. My head hit my hands and my shoulders shook. I cried for her. I cried for me. I cried for her mother.
A firm hand on my shoulder raised my tear-stained cheeks. Above me stood Arrogant Paramedic.
"You did great Bernice. And I will back you 100%. Welcome to being a captain."
With a wink and a smile, he turned and disappeared out the door into the strobes and chaos.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Huzzah!
Baby is here and doing well! 5 pounds 13 ounces. He is up in the NICU but he is doing great, and he even has a name! A little supplimental O2 to bring the stats up but that is about it. YAY for healthy babies.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
This is it.
Tomorrow is D-day. Baby Marshmallow will be delivered via c-section some time after 6am. (They are REAL specific here. Ha!)
But I have to say, the nurses and techs that have been in here as of late have been rockstar and full of sunshine and awesomeness. So I didn't have to go all 'little sister' on their asses. Ha ha ha! Kidding. Sort of.
Anyway, good thoughts for good lungs for Mr. Marshmallow are greatly appreciated.
But I have to say, the nurses and techs that have been in here as of late have been rockstar and full of sunshine and awesomeness. So I didn't have to go all 'little sister' on their asses. Ha ha ha! Kidding. Sort of.
Anyway, good thoughts for good lungs for Mr. Marshmallow are greatly appreciated.
Confidence.
I have been faced with quite the task. Take the timid EMTs and get them comfortable with their job. Make them confident. I have no idea how I am going to do this.
No idea at all.
No idea at all.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thanks Epi.
Have I:
Gone on a blind date: No. That is one thing that I have not done. And I'm okay with it.
Skipped school: I haven't skipped class, but instead I got a pass out to the band room to "practice"... AKA Watch Varsity Blues and Blues Brothers.
Watched someone die: That seems like a silly question considering my profession.
Been to Canada: I flew OVER Canada once on my way home from the east coast.
Been on a plane: Yes. Several times.
Been lost: I may or may not be lost at this very moment.
Been on the opposite side of the country: Both coasts, since I love smack dab in the middle.
Swam in the ocean: I did. I also inhaled at least three lung-fulls and ended up being sick as hell from it. Like coughing up small child sized lung butter chunks.
Had your booze taken away by the cops: Nope. That is what cornfields are for.
Cried yourself to sleep: More often than I would like to admit.
Recently colored with crayons: Not recently. I might need a brand spanking new box though.
Sang Karaoke: No. Never. Nor will I ever.
Paid for a meal with coins only: That is what the change jar in my car is for. Emergency meal stops.
Cheated on an exam: I have never cheated on an exam. It just isn't worth the grade if I didn't earn it myself.
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: Yes. And that is the best. I wish I could do that now.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue: Yes. One of my favorite things about winter.
Danced in the rain: One of my fondest memories from my childhood is running around in the rain with my brothers.
Written a letter to Santa Claus: Not that I know of.
Been kissed under the mistletoe: Sadly, no. I think I will be hanging mistletoe this Christmas.
Watched the sunrise with someone you care about: For the purpose of watching the sun rise, no. But I have seen the sun rise because I was up at that time and I did happen to care about the people I was with.
Been arrested: I'm a good girl.
Blown bubbles: Yup. The bottled kind, and also the snot kind, from laughing too hard after crying (Me too!!! - Epi) Can I say me three?
Gone ice-skating: It has been far too long. In fact, I think I need to break out the old skates and get them sharpened in anticipation for ice hockey on the pond.
Been skinny dipping outdoors: I have. It was a blast.
Favorite drink? Straight up water. Or anything with SoCo.
Tattoos? ONly one. I REALLY want another one. Badly.
Piercings? Working on getting the money and courage for the tragus again.
How much do you love your job? My paying job provides the insurance and the paycheck. The second is fun, mostly because of some of the people I meet and the people I work with. The last I don't get paid for, but it makes my heart happy.
Birthplace? A hospital. Somewhere in the middle of the country.
Favorite vacation spot? Door County, Connecticut, South Dakota... oh who am I kidding... I just love vacation.
Ever been to Africa? No, never.
Ever been on TV? Yes, I was. And I was screaming like a looney toon... but that was my job to. (Gotta love scenarios!)
Ever been in a car accident? One I faceplanted in the windshield, one I hit an officer of the law and one I backed into out house. It was only the corner!
Favorite movie? The Princess Bride, Hope Floats, Boondock Saints, oh so many!
Favorite holiday? Christmas. No doubt.
Favorite food? What's my mood? Because my food has to match my mood.
Favorite flower? Lilacs and yellow roses.
Favorite smells? Fresh cut grass, leaves in the fall, burning leaves, the frigid cold of fresh snow.
What do you do to relax? Write, paint, draw, laugh with my sister.
How do you see yourself in 10 years? A mother of beautiful children and the wife of a farmer.
Ever been given an engagement ring? Twice. I only married one of them. The right one.
Longest relationship? The one I am in.
Last gift you received? A card. For my anniversary at work.
Ever dropped a cell phone? Does a dog piss on brick walls. (Ten points to the person that names the movie.)
When’s the last time you worked out? Well, I WAS going to start the 30 day shred tonight, but unfortunately Becoming Jane and a clay mask was the better option for me.
First thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and smile. How he treats others around him.
One favorite song? What a Shame - Shinedown
Favorite mall store: Steve & Barry's
Longest job you’ve had: The one I am presently rocking.
Biggest lie you’ve ever heard: Those aren't mine.
Favorite place to eat with friends? Anywhere the food is good and the conversation is better.
Can you cook? I can cook the pants off a chicken.
Best kiss: The ones that land somewhere between the ear and the shoulder.
Last time you cried?: Oh it has been nonstop for about an hour or two now.
Most disliked foods: Raw onions. Anything super salty.
Thing you like most about yourself: My ability to see both sides regardless of my feelings.
Thing you dislike most about yourself: My tendancy to become overly attached emotionally to people and things I shouldn't.
Longest shift you’ve worked at a job?: I'm not sure. Unfortunately I think it was a few jobs running together.
Can you sing? Physically you could call it singing, but it isn't very pleasing to ears that function.
Last concert you attended? A friend's band.
Last movie rented: Becoming Jane
One thing you never leave the house without: Cell phone.
Laptop or Desktop? I prefer the laptop
Favorite comedian? Me. Duh.
Do long distance relationships work?: If you want them to and you both put the effort into it. The same for off shift relationships.
How many times have you been pulled over by the police?? Hmm, at least six of not more.
How do you like your eggs? Over medium on toast.
Number of pillows?: Two, one shoved between the mattress and headboard and one for laying on.
Can you play pool?: Only when drunk.
Favorite season? Fall, hands down.
Best thing about winter? The crunching squeaky sound your boots make when you walk on fresh snow. And warm kisses on cold lips.
Name of your first pet?: Skipper the English Setter
Birthday? August26
What do you want to be? A mom.
Smiling right now?: Not at all.
Do you miss somebody right now? Yes. Very much.
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? To bed. With my husband.
Are you in high school?: Sometimes it feels like I am.
Do you have a harmless crush on anyone? Check out a few posts back. It is truly rediculous.
Ever been on a cruise?: No. I'm not sure I would like that.
What jewelry are you wearing? My wedding rings, my gold band and my watch.
What are you going to do after this questionnaire?? Finish watching my movie and maybe write another chapter.
Gone on a blind date: No. That is one thing that I have not done. And I'm okay with it.
Skipped school: I haven't skipped class, but instead I got a pass out to the band room to "practice"... AKA Watch Varsity Blues and Blues Brothers.
Watched someone die: That seems like a silly question considering my profession.
Been to Canada: I flew OVER Canada once on my way home from the east coast.
Been on a plane: Yes. Several times.
Been lost: I may or may not be lost at this very moment.
Been on the opposite side of the country: Both coasts, since I love smack dab in the middle.
Swam in the ocean: I did. I also inhaled at least three lung-fulls and ended up being sick as hell from it. Like coughing up small child sized lung butter chunks.
Had your booze taken away by the cops: Nope. That is what cornfields are for.
Cried yourself to sleep: More often than I would like to admit.
Recently colored with crayons: Not recently. I might need a brand spanking new box though.
Sang Karaoke: No. Never. Nor will I ever.
Paid for a meal with coins only: That is what the change jar in my car is for. Emergency meal stops.
Cheated on an exam: I have never cheated on an exam. It just isn't worth the grade if I didn't earn it myself.
Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: Yes. And that is the best. I wish I could do that now.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue: Yes. One of my favorite things about winter.
Danced in the rain: One of my fondest memories from my childhood is running around in the rain with my brothers.
Written a letter to Santa Claus: Not that I know of.
Been kissed under the mistletoe: Sadly, no. I think I will be hanging mistletoe this Christmas.
Watched the sunrise with someone you care about: For the purpose of watching the sun rise, no. But I have seen the sun rise because I was up at that time and I did happen to care about the people I was with.
Been arrested: I'm a good girl.
Blown bubbles: Yup. The bottled kind, and also the snot kind, from laughing too hard after crying (Me too!!! - Epi) Can I say me three?
Gone ice-skating: It has been far too long. In fact, I think I need to break out the old skates and get them sharpened in anticipation for ice hockey on the pond.
Been skinny dipping outdoors: I have. It was a blast.
Favorite drink? Straight up water. Or anything with SoCo.
Tattoos? ONly one. I REALLY want another one. Badly.
Piercings? Working on getting the money and courage for the tragus again.
How much do you love your job? My paying job provides the insurance and the paycheck. The second is fun, mostly because of some of the people I meet and the people I work with. The last I don't get paid for, but it makes my heart happy.
Birthplace? A hospital. Somewhere in the middle of the country.
Favorite vacation spot? Door County, Connecticut, South Dakota... oh who am I kidding... I just love vacation.
Ever been to Africa? No, never.
Ever been on TV? Yes, I was. And I was screaming like a looney toon... but that was my job to. (Gotta love scenarios!)
Ever been in a car accident? One I faceplanted in the windshield, one I hit an officer of the law and one I backed into out house. It was only the corner!
Favorite movie? The Princess Bride, Hope Floats, Boondock Saints, oh so many!
Favorite holiday? Christmas. No doubt.
Favorite food? What's my mood? Because my food has to match my mood.
Favorite flower? Lilacs and yellow roses.
Favorite smells? Fresh cut grass, leaves in the fall, burning leaves, the frigid cold of fresh snow.
What do you do to relax? Write, paint, draw, laugh with my sister.
How do you see yourself in 10 years? A mother of beautiful children and the wife of a farmer.
Ever been given an engagement ring? Twice. I only married one of them. The right one.
Longest relationship? The one I am in.
Last gift you received? A card. For my anniversary at work.
Ever dropped a cell phone? Does a dog piss on brick walls. (Ten points to the person that names the movie.)
When’s the last time you worked out? Well, I WAS going to start the 30 day shred tonight, but unfortunately Becoming Jane and a clay mask was the better option for me.
First thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes and smile. How he treats others around him.
One favorite song? What a Shame - Shinedown
Favorite mall store: Steve & Barry's
Longest job you’ve had: The one I am presently rocking.
Biggest lie you’ve ever heard: Those aren't mine.
Favorite place to eat with friends? Anywhere the food is good and the conversation is better.
Can you cook? I can cook the pants off a chicken.
Best kiss: The ones that land somewhere between the ear and the shoulder.
Last time you cried?: Oh it has been nonstop for about an hour or two now.
Most disliked foods: Raw onions. Anything super salty.
Thing you like most about yourself: My ability to see both sides regardless of my feelings.
Thing you dislike most about yourself: My tendancy to become overly attached emotionally to people and things I shouldn't.
Longest shift you’ve worked at a job?: I'm not sure. Unfortunately I think it was a few jobs running together.
Can you sing? Physically you could call it singing, but it isn't very pleasing to ears that function.
Last concert you attended? A friend's band.
Last movie rented: Becoming Jane
One thing you never leave the house without: Cell phone.
Laptop or Desktop? I prefer the laptop
Favorite comedian? Me. Duh.
Do long distance relationships work?: If you want them to and you both put the effort into it. The same for off shift relationships.
How many times have you been pulled over by the police?? Hmm, at least six of not more.
How do you like your eggs? Over medium on toast.
Number of pillows?: Two, one shoved between the mattress and headboard and one for laying on.
Can you play pool?: Only when drunk.
Favorite season? Fall, hands down.
Best thing about winter? The crunching squeaky sound your boots make when you walk on fresh snow. And warm kisses on cold lips.
Name of your first pet?: Skipper the English Setter
Birthday? August26
What do you want to be? A mom.
Smiling right now?: Not at all.
Do you miss somebody right now? Yes. Very much.
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? To bed. With my husband.
Are you in high school?: Sometimes it feels like I am.
Do you have a harmless crush on anyone? Check out a few posts back. It is truly rediculous.
Ever been on a cruise?: No. I'm not sure I would like that.
What jewelry are you wearing? My wedding rings, my gold band and my watch.
What are you going to do after this questionnaire?? Finish watching my movie and maybe write another chapter.
I love fall.
Yesterday I helped the Lieutenant and my father in law shuttle equipment to their farthest field. Granted I did not get to drive any tractors, I did get to drive the Lieutenant's truck. Yes it is technically "our" truck, but as he puts it, it just isn't right for a man to ride shotgun in his own truck, so I rarely get to drive it. Besides, I have my own 'old man's dream.'
The weather was a breezy 80 degrees and the sun was shining. Dressed in jeans and a comfortable tank-top I rocked out to Shinedown's latest CD and admired all the blazing colors. I tried to get a few pictures, but the camera on my phone is pretty sub-par so you will have to use your imagination a bit.
I arrived at the field a good ten minutes before the Lieutenant (he was pulling a wagon and couldn't safely travel any faster than 35mph). I rolled down the windows, rested my arms on the frame and just sat and watched the planes take off and land, the billows of bean dust roll across the sky and enjoyed the breeze.
Of course I got a little teary watching the Lieutenant doing something he loves (even if he is doing it in a red tractor). I really wish he could farm full time, but unfortunately, it just isn't an option right now. It was nice talking with him on the way home too. Planning and dreaming.
It was a good day.
The weather was a breezy 80 degrees and the sun was shining. Dressed in jeans and a comfortable tank-top I rocked out to Shinedown's latest CD and admired all the blazing colors. I tried to get a few pictures, but the camera on my phone is pretty sub-par so you will have to use your imagination a bit.
I arrived at the field a good ten minutes before the Lieutenant (he was pulling a wagon and couldn't safely travel any faster than 35mph). I rolled down the windows, rested my arms on the frame and just sat and watched the planes take off and land, the billows of bean dust roll across the sky and enjoyed the breeze.
Of course I got a little teary watching the Lieutenant doing something he loves (even if he is doing it in a red tractor). I really wish he could farm full time, but unfortunately, it just isn't an option right now. It was nice talking with him on the way home too. Planning and dreaming.
It was a good day.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I'm an addict.
It's true. I am addicted to school. I can't seem to get enough of it.
I have been looking into paralegal programs as of late even though I will not be going back to school. (I just like to pretend so I can trick myself into thinking I have the time and money to go back to school for a career that I love that pays more than $8.50/hr.) ANYWAY... I was looking at online classes since I don't really have the time to have one more place to be during the week. The online program I was looking at costs $351 per credit hour. The total number of hours it takes to complete this program is 96. Making a total of $33,696. (I have been doing this over and over on a calculator because I just cannot except the fact that it would cost that much!) Of course this includes your books, technical support, blah blah blah. Something tells me that if I am going to pay that sort of money, a bachelors degree is the better option.
I then researched the cost for a paralegal program at a local college campus. This is an adult learning class so it meets three nights a week. Total cost... $4,220. And it is taught by lawyers and they have a 98% job placement upon graduation.
Gee... which one is the better option...
I have been looking into paralegal programs as of late even though I will not be going back to school. (I just like to pretend so I can trick myself into thinking I have the time and money to go back to school for a career that I love that pays more than $8.50/hr.) ANYWAY... I was looking at online classes since I don't really have the time to have one more place to be during the week. The online program I was looking at costs $351 per credit hour. The total number of hours it takes to complete this program is 96. Making a total of $33,696. (I have been doing this over and over on a calculator because I just cannot except the fact that it would cost that much!) Of course this includes your books, technical support, blah blah blah. Something tells me that if I am going to pay that sort of money, a bachelors degree is the better option.
I then researched the cost for a paralegal program at a local college campus. This is an adult learning class so it meets three nights a week. Total cost... $4,220. And it is taught by lawyers and they have a 98% job placement upon graduation.
Gee... which one is the better option...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
What did you do?
To my calendar?
Summer is over so there should not be so many weekends days with notes in them! I guess that's what you get when you take on a second job and I'm thinking it is even more overbooked since the state has mandated that massage therapists must be CPR/AED certified and I'm both a CPR instructor and a massage therapist. Of course all my classmates and coworkers are begging for classes.
At least I am sticking to my rule of no work on Sundays. None. Zip. Zilch. I'm thinking it is going to be Fa-la-la-la-la time before I know it. Eeeek!
Also, my sister will be about 36 weeks pregnant on Friday and her BP will not come down from 140's/90's-100's. She is already on bed rest but with three other children, that is like asking a rabbit not to hop. So any good thoughts or prayers you have are greatly appreciated. That baby boy needs to stay in there and cook a little longer. If he can't stay put, a healthy baby with healthy lungs is what we are praying for.
Summer is over so there should not be so many weekends days with notes in them! I guess that's what you get when you take on a second job and I'm thinking it is even more overbooked since the state has mandated that massage therapists must be CPR/AED certified and I'm both a CPR instructor and a massage therapist. Of course all my classmates and coworkers are begging for classes.
At least I am sticking to my rule of no work on Sundays. None. Zip. Zilch. I'm thinking it is going to be Fa-la-la-la-la time before I know it. Eeeek!
Also, my sister will be about 36 weeks pregnant on Friday and her BP will not come down from 140's/90's-100's. She is already on bed rest but with three other children, that is like asking a rabbit not to hop. So any good thoughts or prayers you have are greatly appreciated. That baby boy needs to stay in there and cook a little longer. If he can't stay put, a healthy baby with healthy lungs is what we are praying for.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Halloweenie
So I am playing nice and again dressing up for Halloween this year. So instead of trying to throw something together seconds before heading out the door, I am planning ahead. I know, imgine that.
So if you have some wonderful idea please feel free to share. And if it includes the Lieutenant, it is that much more awesome.
So far, I have found some fun wigs that would probably confuse most as to who I really was at first glance. Looks like 'real' hair, but drastically different from my own. (Think very short and very black.)
Otherwise, I've got nothing. So please, help a girl out.
So if you have some wonderful idea please feel free to share. And if it includes the Lieutenant, it is that much more awesome.
So far, I have found some fun wigs that would probably confuse most as to who I really was at first glance. Looks like 'real' hair, but drastically different from my own. (Think very short and very black.)
Otherwise, I've got nothing. So please, help a girl out.
Stupid email, stupid people.
I hate being scared. Not like ooh, this is a suspenseful movie scared - the RAWR I just jumped out at you kind of scared. And what is more perfect for scaring the ever loving daylights out of someone than with an innocent email. "Hey, check out this song... Watch for the puppy... See if you can see the trees move when the car goes by..."
They all suck. Each and every one of them and usually I am on my game in detecting such shenanigans. Not so much today though.
Watch this movie, but the sound sucks so turn it up...
Usually that is your red flag right there. Did I listen to that little voice in the back of my head saying "something just don't look right here..."
I swear, the next person to send me an email with some ungodly creature that jumps out at me and makes some sort of sound that would make a tortured and dying hedgehog feel out-screeched, I am going to punch them right in the throat.
I hate Halloween AND all the BS that comes with it.
Blarg.
They all suck. Each and every one of them and usually I am on my game in detecting such shenanigans. Not so much today though.
Watch this movie, but the sound sucks so turn it up...
Usually that is your red flag right there. Did I listen to that little voice in the back of my head saying "something just don't look right here..."
I swear, the next person to send me an email with some ungodly creature that jumps out at me and makes some sort of sound that would make a tortured and dying hedgehog feel out-screeched, I am going to punch them right in the throat.
I hate Halloween AND all the BS that comes with it.
Blarg.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Thanks AD
Jean Arthur
You scored 17% grit, 33% wit, 33% flair, and 24% class!
You are a little bit of everything: smart, nutty, classy, and even a little scheming when you need to be. However, you aren't exactly the most effective dame around, as you're sometimes given to fainting and mumbling incoherently. But you're pretty steadfast and true, and might I add, cute as a button, even if you're not sure exactly what you want. Still, you end up with the likes of Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant...not too shabby!
Friday, October 3, 2008
It's Potty Time!
If you have been a healthcare provider for very long, the odds are slim to none of your nose NOT becoming acquainted with a smell so foul it will make a skunk's eye water - the GI bleed.
I had just finished off the last of my mega-cup-o-tea and headed to the ladies room and stopped in my tracks outside the door. At first I thought I was crazy because there is no way someone would be at work in a state that would omit that smell. I REALLY had to go so I forged on. As soon as I opened the door it was like getting punched in the throat. *gag*
I really hope they are heading to the doctor and not planning on finishing out their day. Because well, that is just plain old stupid on so many levels.
Nothing like the smell of GI in the morning.
*barf*
I had just finished off the last of my mega-cup-o-tea and headed to the ladies room and stopped in my tracks outside the door. At first I thought I was crazy because there is no way someone would be at work in a state that would omit that smell. I REALLY had to go so I forged on. As soon as I opened the door it was like getting punched in the throat. *gag*
I really hope they are heading to the doctor and not planning on finishing out their day. Because well, that is just plain old stupid on so many levels.
Nothing like the smell of GI in the morning.
*barf*
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Damnit.
"Thank you for applying with us, however we are pursuing other candidates for this position."
There goes that idea. I'm starting to think that I am doomed to stay here forever. Ugh.
There goes that idea. I'm starting to think that I am doomed to stay here forever. Ugh.
Hello. It's me.
I have been experiencing a serious lack of motivation and creativity. My weekend is shaping up to be a busy one with a CPR course Saturday morning (I hate teaching in the am... especially since I gave up coffee). I have a date with the Leiutenant Saturday night. He is planning it and surprising me (LOVE IT!).
I am making a ton of finger foods for the game on Sunday and we are just sitting at home eating food until we can't eat anymore.
Other than that, nothing interesting is going on, which really is okay by me.
I am making a ton of finger foods for the game on Sunday and we are just sitting at home eating food until we can't eat anymore.
Other than that, nothing interesting is going on, which really is okay by me.
Monday, September 29, 2008
A little pimpage.
Ladies and gentlemen, let me direct your attention to a friend and fellow blogger, Lt. Michael Morse over at Rescuing Providence.
I have come upon many med blogs here in the blogging world, but few have moved me like Michael's has. His writing puts you in his shoes and gives you a glimpse into the range of raw emotions that come with the job. If you enjoy his blog, you really should check out his book. You will not be disappointed.
Oh and Michael, I knew you couldn't stay away. :)
I have come upon many med blogs here in the blogging world, but few have moved me like Michael's has. His writing puts you in his shoes and gives you a glimpse into the range of raw emotions that come with the job. If you enjoy his blog, you really should check out his book. You will not be disappointed.
Oh and Michael, I knew you couldn't stay away. :)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I ran smack dab into doom.
Finished a 9 hour shift at the spa and headed to Wally-World for the makings for chili. Mmmm... chili... Right, so I was chatting with my sister and swung the car door shut and pinned my naughty finger half way in the door. I looked down a watched my keys skitter underneath the car JUST out of reach. The door is locked. So I yanked. And cursed and then cursed some more. And then cursed even more. I called the Lieutenant in hysterics as I climbed back into my car. When I couldn't sit and wait anymore, I headed to Small town ER.
Got me some x-rays, some good natured ribbing and one percoset.
Now I am soaking the blood out through the cauterized hole the nice PA made for me and typing very slowly with my left hand. And enjoying the percoset buzz. And trying to stay awake.
Of course I know you people want to see the carnage, so I will get those to you when I don't feel so loopy.
The percoset has worn off so I finally have the brain power to post this. Here you go. This was shortly after they burnt a nice little vent hole in my nail. Blehck.
Got me some x-rays, some good natured ribbing and one percoset.
Now I am soaking the blood out through the cauterized hole the nice PA made for me and typing very slowly with my left hand. And enjoying the percoset buzz. And trying to stay awake.
Of course I know you people want to see the carnage, so I will get those to you when I don't feel so loopy.
The percoset has worn off so I finally have the brain power to post this. Here you go. This was shortly after they burnt a nice little vent hole in my nail. Blehck.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Make it go away.
That impending feeling of doom.
Maybe it's the quarter hourly PVCs I'm throwin.
Maybe its low blood sugar.
Maybe it's the fact that I am wathcing My Girl.
Maybe its going to be how it always is and have some horrible, mind-numbingly bad call.
Either way, I just want this feeling to go away. Blehck.
Maybe it's the quarter hourly PVCs I'm throwin.
Maybe its low blood sugar.
Maybe it's the fact that I am wathcing My Girl.
Maybe its going to be how it always is and have some horrible, mind-numbingly bad call.
Either way, I just want this feeling to go away. Blehck.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
It's just so liberating!
My phone has been on silent for the last 6.5 hours.
I missed four text messages, three voicemails and I don't care.
I have done nothing except make myself a delicious dinner, set up our new wireless router and watch brain numbing tv in my jammies with three doggies piled on top of me.
I have the day off of work tomorrow.
I get to spoon with my incredibly and utterly sexy husband in the morning.
Life is good.
I missed four text messages, three voicemails and I don't care.
I have done nothing except make myself a delicious dinner, set up our new wireless router and watch brain numbing tv in my jammies with three doggies piled on top of me.
I have the day off of work tomorrow.
I get to spoon with my incredibly and utterly sexy husband in the morning.
Life is good.
The choice is yours...
You can vote on my next act of pretend rebellion.
To pierce or not to pierce.
I want my tragus redone. Every vote counts. The fate of my ear is in your hands. Choose wisely.
And while you choose, my new favorite song from my new favorite movie. Gosh I love Jay Baruchel.
3-0 people. I wonder what the Lieutenant votes...
To pierce or not to pierce.
I want my tragus redone. Every vote counts. The fate of my ear is in your hands. Choose wisely.
And while you choose, my new favorite song from my new favorite movie. Gosh I love Jay Baruchel.
3-0 people. I wonder what the Lieutenant votes...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
MISSING:
If anyone has seen my Motivation, please send it right on back. I have a lot of work and house cleaning/organizing to do and I just can't seem to get it done without her.
I truly appreciate it.
.
I truly appreciate it.
.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Brain Dump
My head is filled with cobwebs and fog and I am surprised I haven't left the house without a damn shirt on. I also got my ass handed to me this weekend. Both in call volume and also with a head to head blow out with a full timer. It was just *so* much fun.
There's nothing like being told the many ways you suck at life to perk a girl up.
But a text message requesting to be friends makes it aaaaaall better. *snort*
There's nothing like being told the many ways you suck at life to perk a girl up.
But a text message requesting to be friends makes it aaaaaall better. *snort*
Scared doesn't cut it.
We all trickled into the driveway turning an empty concrete slab into a mini-parking lot. It has long been a Sunday tradition. Mom cooks, dad frets and we all eat ourselves silly. It is brat day and they have been simmering on the stove since before church. Mom's kitchen smells like a little slice of heaven. We all take our places at the table, built to feed a family of six now expanded to accommodate all of us, including the grand kids. The prayer is said and bowls of steaming food are passed this way and that. We chat, we laugh and we are all happy.
Lizzy is proudly sitting across of me. She has recently graduated to a stool in the chair. The same stool her mom sat on as a child. She reaches for a chip and Rick happily hands it to her with a reminder to be careful. Orange powdered cheese smears across her smiling face.
We all turn and look as her little face turns red. He gags and gags again. Her mom picks her up and pats her back. Everything in the room freezes. She gags some more and tries to cough. Her eyes are wide and her face red clinging to her mom "HELP ME!" Without blinking three chairs race away from the table. My brain has shut off and everything is happening like I am watching as a seperate person.
I'm on my knee and Lizzy is flipped over it. My left hand cradling her chest and my right hitting her in the back between her shoulders. A thin line of orange drool spans between her little mouth and the linoleum. Slowly it turns to a steady stream of vomit. As the puddle on the floor stops growing, she takes a deep breath and lets out the most heart warming scream I have ever heard. I hand her back to her mother as I bite back the tears that are pooling in my eyes. This is the first puddle of vomit I have ever been thankful for.
Lizzy is proudly sitting across of me. She has recently graduated to a stool in the chair. The same stool her mom sat on as a child. She reaches for a chip and Rick happily hands it to her with a reminder to be careful. Orange powdered cheese smears across her smiling face.
We all turn and look as her little face turns red. He gags and gags again. Her mom picks her up and pats her back. Everything in the room freezes. She gags some more and tries to cough. Her eyes are wide and her face red clinging to her mom "HELP ME!" Without blinking three chairs race away from the table. My brain has shut off and everything is happening like I am watching as a seperate person.
I'm on my knee and Lizzy is flipped over it. My left hand cradling her chest and my right hitting her in the back between her shoulders. A thin line of orange drool spans between her little mouth and the linoleum. Slowly it turns to a steady stream of vomit. As the puddle on the floor stops growing, she takes a deep breath and lets out the most heart warming scream I have ever heard. I hand her back to her mother as I bite back the tears that are pooling in my eyes. This is the first puddle of vomit I have ever been thankful for.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Neverending Story
Not the one with the dog-dragon thing and the kid that wears the same sweater every day... I'm talking about tattoos. Now before you get all huffy and defensive, let me put it out there that I have one. A rather large one at that. One that will eventually wilt and closely resemble a willow tree, but whatever... I'm okay with that.
I have always been fascinated by tattoos. Whether or not it was intended, every tattoo comes with a story. That story may have inspired that tattoo or it very well may go the other way around. In fact, I remember very clearly the day I came home with my shirt tied to the side in an 80's flashback and my jeans unbuttoned and rolled down. I turned around and proudly displayed the masterpiece the artist and I created, planned and perfected. My mom immediately reached out to peel the "puff paint" off of me as there was no way this needle-phobic would have a real tattoo. Of course I yelled and informed her that it was indeed one hell of an expensive scab she was picking at. My dad got up and walked away.
Everyone asks me what the story is behind the tattoo. There really isn't one. I wanted one, but wanted something unique. Something no one else could stake a claim to. Something I helped create. It really has no deep meaning that I can identify. Sure, I was smack dab in the middle of my streak of defiance and rebellion, but that wasn't it. I wanted something beautiful and something in this world that was mine and mine alone.
I hear it everywhere that my generation is going to be the first to fill the nursing homes with 'mutilated' bodies. I really couldn't disagree more. Every time I ask these people if they have been to Old Vet's Place. Because if they have, they will realize we are not the first generation. There are several that came before us that bear the scars and memorials on their arms, chests, legs and hearts. I am usually rewarded with a blank stare that can do nothing more than blink a few times. When I take them to the hospital I notice the tattoos and I want to know the story, but I don't ask, afraid of what the story might do to me or them. Even so, I know it is there hiding somewhere in the pigment.
So what's your story?
I have always been fascinated by tattoos. Whether or not it was intended, every tattoo comes with a story. That story may have inspired that tattoo or it very well may go the other way around. In fact, I remember very clearly the day I came home with my shirt tied to the side in an 80's flashback and my jeans unbuttoned and rolled down. I turned around and proudly displayed the masterpiece the artist and I created, planned and perfected. My mom immediately reached out to peel the "puff paint" off of me as there was no way this needle-phobic would have a real tattoo. Of course I yelled and informed her that it was indeed one hell of an expensive scab she was picking at. My dad got up and walked away.
Everyone asks me what the story is behind the tattoo. There really isn't one. I wanted one, but wanted something unique. Something no one else could stake a claim to. Something I helped create. It really has no deep meaning that I can identify. Sure, I was smack dab in the middle of my streak of defiance and rebellion, but that wasn't it. I wanted something beautiful and something in this world that was mine and mine alone.
I hear it everywhere that my generation is going to be the first to fill the nursing homes with 'mutilated' bodies. I really couldn't disagree more. Every time I ask these people if they have been to Old Vet's Place. Because if they have, they will realize we are not the first generation. There are several that came before us that bear the scars and memorials on their arms, chests, legs and hearts. I am usually rewarded with a blank stare that can do nothing more than blink a few times. When I take them to the hospital I notice the tattoos and I want to know the story, but I don't ask, afraid of what the story might do to me or them. Even so, I know it is there hiding somewhere in the pigment.
So what's your story?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Hello! Hello in der!
Yeah, nothing. That's what I've got.
Sorry I have nothing of interest to say as of late. My boring life is starting to permeate into my now boring blog.
So say hi and leave a comment because I'm needy like that.
Sorry I have nothing of interest to say as of late. My boring life is starting to permeate into my now boring blog.
So say hi and leave a comment because I'm needy like that.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Unacceptable
So I have been on a quest to eat healthier and lose some weight. I don't HAVE to by any means, but it sure would be nice if I didn't have to do the "jeans squat" after I finally get the zipper to close. I thought I have been doing very well. I even went so far as to take a five pound weight and test my scale at home. It appeared that it was correct even though I did not re-test this theory.
I have been noticing the little needle slowly but surely travel a little less every time I hopped on the dreaded thing. I was finally back down to 151. I was happy. My jeans were happy. Everyone was happy.
Until my most recent appointment. I happily hopped on, sparing the tech by usual smart assed quips about scales anticipating the affirmation of my weight. And then the numbers appeared.
162.
There is no way on God's green Earth that I gained 11 pounds in two days. There is no way I weigh 162. My jeans fit better than ever, I FEEL better than ever and I tested my scale dammit! The tech was sweet and delicately delivered the "numbers don't matter" speech. She was awesome and kind but I was still miffed.
Flash forward to the NP. The minute she walked in the room she was condescending and nasty. She commented on my weight (which even at 162 is still in the "normal" range for my height). Some other *wonderful* things happened that I will spare myself the embarrasment and you the details, but trust me when I say, she almost got a foot to the face. By the time she left the room I was on the verge of tears.
I went straight to the nearest Kohl's and got my sister on the phone. Between the NP bashing with my sister and the two new pairs of shoes (I actually did need them) I felt a little better. The true satisfaction came from the letter I wrote to the hospital. I'm not sure if it will do any good, but you can better believe the next time I see my regular doc, she will get a copy of the letter and an earful.
And I did find out some good/bad news. Diagnostic tests for IF are in fact covered by my insurance. This is GREAT news. The bad news is that I have already paid more money that I would like to admit to the hospital for the preliminary testing they did. I am wondering if it is even worth the headache to try and submit that back to the insurance company. After all, they still haven't figured out my claim from August 2007.
.
I have been noticing the little needle slowly but surely travel a little less every time I hopped on the dreaded thing. I was finally back down to 151. I was happy. My jeans were happy. Everyone was happy.
Until my most recent appointment. I happily hopped on, sparing the tech by usual smart assed quips about scales anticipating the affirmation of my weight. And then the numbers appeared.
162.
There is no way on God's green Earth that I gained 11 pounds in two days. There is no way I weigh 162. My jeans fit better than ever, I FEEL better than ever and I tested my scale dammit! The tech was sweet and delicately delivered the "numbers don't matter" speech. She was awesome and kind but I was still miffed.
Flash forward to the NP. The minute she walked in the room she was condescending and nasty. She commented on my weight (which even at 162 is still in the "normal" range for my height). Some other *wonderful* things happened that I will spare myself the embarrasment and you the details, but trust me when I say, she almost got a foot to the face. By the time she left the room I was on the verge of tears.
I went straight to the nearest Kohl's and got my sister on the phone. Between the NP bashing with my sister and the two new pairs of shoes (I actually did need them) I felt a little better. The true satisfaction came from the letter I wrote to the hospital. I'm not sure if it will do any good, but you can better believe the next time I see my regular doc, she will get a copy of the letter and an earful.
And I did find out some good/bad news. Diagnostic tests for IF are in fact covered by my insurance. This is GREAT news. The bad news is that I have already paid more money that I would like to admit to the hospital for the preliminary testing they did. I am wondering if it is even worth the headache to try and submit that back to the insurance company. After all, they still haven't figured out my claim from August 2007.
.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Grr...
I hate writing cover letters. I am horrible at talking about myself and blah blah blah. I think I might cry if I don't even get an interview. I am actually wondering if it would be better to go and apply in person at the hospital. Who the heck knows...
Do I *really* need to be a certified Medical Assistant? Really?
Do I *really* need to be a certified Medical Assistant? Really?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
For you EMT types out there...
I need an opinion...
A certain training officer organized a training that involved direct feedback from each EMT.
One patient (yours truly) and two EMTs. Longboarding is in progress.
All the other EMTs in attendance are watching the skill being performed. After the scenario, each EMT has to write down one good thing and one thing to work on for each EMT that was involved in the scenario. Names are not required.
Basically blind feedback.
Yay or nay?
All feedback is greatly appreciated. Depending upon how this goes, I may utilize this in the future for other scenarios. Hopefully they don't skin me alive and send me up the flagpole by my toes...
A certain training officer organized a training that involved direct feedback from each EMT.
One patient (yours truly) and two EMTs. Longboarding is in progress.
All the other EMTs in attendance are watching the skill being performed. After the scenario, each EMT has to write down one good thing and one thing to work on for each EMT that was involved in the scenario. Names are not required.
Basically blind feedback.
Yay or nay?
All feedback is greatly appreciated. Depending upon how this goes, I may utilize this in the future for other scenarios. Hopefully they don't skin me alive and send me up the flagpole by my toes...
No one could say it better.
Thanks LawDog for posting it.
Here is the direct link as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4fe9GlWS8
*Photo borrowed from Will*
Here is the direct link as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4fe9GlWS8
*Photo borrowed from Will*
Monday, September 8, 2008
Weekend Update
Friday night I was escorted by the brothers to the theatre. Will, being the rockstar that he is paid for Rick and me. Unfortunately, I think I lost more brain cells than it was worth to watch Tropical Thunder. Although you could have been misled by the many guffaws of laughter that I let out. Overall, it was pretty dumb.
Saturday I worked all day and made a record in tips. We also had the sister and her troops over for dinner. We were having a swell time until the power went out. Nothing like having a 6, 4 and 1.5 year old freaking out and trying to feel your way around the house to get to them. Thankfully, no toes were injured in this search and rescue mission. I did realize though, that I have far too many candles in my house. They were slowly collected from every room and placed in the living room. The littlest of the bunch thought it was great and continued running, well the off-balanced version of running, around the kitchen and living room. They soon left for their home with modern day ammenities and I packed a bag to shower at the station. Of course as soon as our gear and everything else that goes with it loaded into the truck, the power came back on. We headed back into the house and finished the evening watching Julia Roberts do her damndest to wreak havoc on her bestest buds nuptuals.
Sunday started late. Slept in, enjoyed each other's company and dined on french toast for breakfast. Then we headed off to the state park to take the two bigger beasts for a much-needed walk. Henri isn't good on the leash but walks perfectly without it but rules are rules and she had to remain on the leash. 15 minutes into the hike, she got the hang of it and I could let most of the leash out and she would stay put. The Lieutenant had some issues with Montana as she just wanted to run after everything her super sonic nose picked up on. Eventually she got the hang of it too and it turned out to be a nice long walk resulting in flaming thighs for Bernice. I'm thinking I need to pick up excercising again and I have an elyptical on my wish list for Christmas.
Later we had a PI that had us all scratching our heads and wondering if the patient was having some identity issues and somehow thought he was Luke Duke in the General Lee. I also recived a marriage proposal from this very same man. I felt compelled to respectfully decline. He got a ride on the whirly-bird based solely on mechanism of injury since once we finally got him extracated we barely found a scratch on him. Go figure. (The 'finally' is based on the idea that when someone is stuck in a compacted vehicle they generally want to be removed, but not this guy. He kept grabbing the vehicle as we tried to pull him out stating he was fine. A touch more than annoying, you could say.)
Sunday evening, the Lieutenant and I reinstated a tradition we started way back when he first moved to second shift. Sunday dinners home-cooked by us. After a trip to the local grocery, steaks, potatoes and asparagas were prepped and prepared and devoured. Of course the evening was much calmer with the help of a new-found friend.
I wonder if I will ever know boredom. I doubt it.
Saturday I worked all day and made a record in tips. We also had the sister and her troops over for dinner. We were having a swell time until the power went out. Nothing like having a 6, 4 and 1.5 year old freaking out and trying to feel your way around the house to get to them. Thankfully, no toes were injured in this search and rescue mission. I did realize though, that I have far too many candles in my house. They were slowly collected from every room and placed in the living room. The littlest of the bunch thought it was great and continued running, well the off-balanced version of running, around the kitchen and living room. They soon left for their home with modern day ammenities and I packed a bag to shower at the station. Of course as soon as our gear and everything else that goes with it loaded into the truck, the power came back on. We headed back into the house and finished the evening watching Julia Roberts do her damndest to wreak havoc on her bestest buds nuptuals.
Sunday started late. Slept in, enjoyed each other's company and dined on french toast for breakfast. Then we headed off to the state park to take the two bigger beasts for a much-needed walk. Henri isn't good on the leash but walks perfectly without it but rules are rules and she had to remain on the leash. 15 minutes into the hike, she got the hang of it and I could let most of the leash out and she would stay put. The Lieutenant had some issues with Montana as she just wanted to run after everything her super sonic nose picked up on. Eventually she got the hang of it too and it turned out to be a nice long walk resulting in flaming thighs for Bernice. I'm thinking I need to pick up excercising again and I have an elyptical on my wish list for Christmas.
Later we had a PI that had us all scratching our heads and wondering if the patient was having some identity issues and somehow thought he was Luke Duke in the General Lee. I also recived a marriage proposal from this very same man. I felt compelled to respectfully decline. He got a ride on the whirly-bird based solely on mechanism of injury since once we finally got him extracated we barely found a scratch on him. Go figure. (The 'finally' is based on the idea that when someone is stuck in a compacted vehicle they generally want to be removed, but not this guy. He kept grabbing the vehicle as we tried to pull him out stating he was fine. A touch more than annoying, you could say.)
Sunday evening, the Lieutenant and I reinstated a tradition we started way back when he first moved to second shift. Sunday dinners home-cooked by us. After a trip to the local grocery, steaks, potatoes and asparagas were prepped and prepared and devoured. Of course the evening was much calmer with the help of a new-found friend.
I wonder if I will ever know boredom. I doubt it.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Huzzah!
The dog barking ticket has been resolved. The attorney decided to write it off and dismiss it. Thanks to the neighbor that called to complain but couldn't call the attorney back. Bottom line is, it wasn't habitual so it didn't apply. Go us.
Nothing terribly exciting going on. Had some interesting calls lately, but I just can't seem to my frustrations into words. Truth is, I just don't have the brain power. So until I come up with something of interest I will remain Boring Bernice.
Have a safe and fun weekend.
Nothing terribly exciting going on. Had some interesting calls lately, but I just can't seem to my frustrations into words. Truth is, I just don't have the brain power. So until I come up with something of interest I will remain Boring Bernice.
Have a safe and fun weekend.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
It's the little things.
Yesterday was a rough day. When I finally pulled into my driveway, I knew I only had a few minutes before I would have to leave again. I put the car in park and trudged to the mailbox. When I opened the door, there was a white little package sitting patiently for me. Puzzled, I reached in and pulled out the package, barely noticing the stack of bills that came with it. The address label caught my eye... Australia? I squealed in anticipation and delight.
My long time friend had sent me a package! I sat in my car with the door wide open and opened ripped the package open. I read the card through my blurred sight. First I pulled out a snappy new bracelet that lights up in seizure-inducing patterns. Next came the color and cuddle me turtle complete with a set of four markers. Then came the cap with AUSTRALIA across the front. Then I felt something squishy. I unwrapped it and saw that she had sent me the most magnificent bar of chocolate known to mankind, but it was MELTED! I guess it couldn't withstand the 90+ degree heat of the day. (It went in the freezer and I intend to eat the entire thing before work tonight!) The last gift that I pulled out made me all out cry. I am a big ol' sap and this just did me in. It is small but the thought that went into it is just well, so friggin awesome.
It is my very own fertility pig. Seriously, C. I love you and you are just amazing.
Now all I have to do is save up to buy that plane ticket to visit her so I can tackle her and hug her until she turns blue.
My long time friend had sent me a package! I sat in my car with the door wide open and opened ripped the package open. I read the card through my blurred sight. First I pulled out a snappy new bracelet that lights up in seizure-inducing patterns. Next came the color and cuddle me turtle complete with a set of four markers. Then came the cap with AUSTRALIA across the front. Then I felt something squishy. I unwrapped it and saw that she had sent me the most magnificent bar of chocolate known to mankind, but it was MELTED! I guess it couldn't withstand the 90+ degree heat of the day. (It went in the freezer and I intend to eat the entire thing before work tonight!) The last gift that I pulled out made me all out cry. I am a big ol' sap and this just did me in. It is small but the thought that went into it is just well, so friggin awesome.
It is my very own fertility pig. Seriously, C. I love you and you are just amazing.
Now all I have to do is save up to buy that plane ticket to visit her so I can tackle her and hug her until she turns blue.
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