So I like to think I'm pretty crafty with HTML for not knowing what in the world I'm doing. So of course, new year means new layout, right? Uh not so fast there slick. As it turns out I'm not nearly as crafty as I thought I was. Back to the drawing board, er copy and paste and google searches for me.
In other news, I think my career in EMS is coming to a close. With the prospect of a new zip code and quite frankly and entirely different climate (yay!) doesn't bode well to continuing one's volunteer "career" in EMS. Of course being the short-sighted person that I am I let my national registry lapse. No big deal, right? Just go take the test again. Call it laziness, call it fear but I don't know if I can or will. Reading those sentences again sounds like a list of excuses and maybe it is.
I don't think I can really say how I feel about it. Am I sad that I wont have that joy of connecting with people, both coworkers and patients? Yes. Am I sad that I wont be adding to the library of images that creep up on me at the oddest times? No. Will I miss it? Definitely.
I'm good at what I do. I'm not the best nor do I think I will ever be. When I sit down and think about it, the set up I have here is pretty close to perfect. I have a great job that pays me better than I could have ever imagined but I don't LOVE it. But what I don't LOVE about it, I make up in the hours when I get home responding to calls, learning new things and working with the community. I get everything I need. A paycheck and fulfillment. Unfortunately, like most adults I have to make concessions. I have to decide which is more important. Being with the man that I love and who makes me a better person or keep my set up as it is.
It is no mystery that I have struggled with burnout and malaise in the recent past. I'm sure it has some to do with my personal life and a lot to do with the fact that I have zero interest in department politics. I want to do my job, do it well and go home. I don't care if Sally was upset that she wasn't allowed to transport because it wasn't what was best for the patient. I don't care that Fred is pissed and Roger because wanted to run for A/C. I just can't get myself worked up over stuff like that. As much as I hate the phrase... it is what it is. If in the grand scheme of things it is but a tiny little bump that will soon be forgotten, then let it go.
I haven't quite thought it all through yet which I'm sure is evident in this choppy, all over the place rant I've got going here. The bottom line is, I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks that I could walk away and be happy with it and part of me feels like I'm not done making a difference in people's lives.
Who knows. I have applied to several different jobs. Some in the hospital with direct patient care and some that are more like my full time job. I'm not sure if a patient care in a "controlled" environment of a hospital will trip my trigger the same as emergency care. I just don't know. For now, I am leaving it in the hands of the Big Guy and waiting to see how receptive they are of my resume.
In the mean time, hang in there with me while we pretty the place up around here.
7 comments:
Hey Bernice!
Let it go...(EMS) You did it and might do it again, who knows. Enjoy your life now, because that is all that matters.
It was fun getting to know you, (and J.) You really are awesome.
If you let it go and it comes back it was meant to be, right?
The same to you, sir.
EMS isn't going anywhere. We'll all be here when you get back.
I've been where you have been. I would be careful about letting your certs lapse it is harder the second time, not that I know. Sometimes a different department makes the world of difference, trust me.
What ever you decide Bernice, I am sure it will be the right decision, for you and your family!
Although I personally cant imagine doing anything different with my life, that sometimes causes trouble between me and my family. I had to readjust my priorites early last year and dropped out of a whole load of extra stuff that I was doing at work (committees, training etc). That gave me more time with the family and made me realise what really is important.
It sounds like you have made the right decisions in the past, and all I can do is wish you all the very best for whatever you decide to do.
Ill still be coming back though, whatever you have to write about!
I'll still be writing but probably more about sandy beaches and life in a completely different state!
I plan on keeping my certifications current even if I am not active in EMS.
Thank you for all the encouragement. I am very excited about this phase of life and I look forward to what it brings, even if that means setting aside something I love.
I have been doing this 17 years and tried to walk away a few time. It doesn't work. EMS is either a calling or a mental affliction. Either way we are all drawn back in one way or another.
Take the registry and get your reciprocity. Even if you don't use it now keep it up. It will make it a lot easier when you do get drawn back in.
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