Today, the world lost a beautiful soul.

Born July 30, 1930 she became a mother to four, a grandmother to thirteen and great-grandmother to four. She was a avid Cubbies and Bears fan. She was the queen of jigsaw puzzles.

We always swore she had nine lives like that mean old cat she loved so much. She survived bipass surgery, cancer, two seperate broken hips and various other bumps and bruises along the way. She did it all without ever complaining.

Her last few weeks were painful to witness. Uncomfortable and confused, we knew it couldn't be long when she even refused her beloved hot fudge sundaes. She may not have been able to recognize us by name but I believe that she knew she was surrounded by those that love her.

This morning she left this world behind along with all the pain and uncertainty. She may be gone, but she definitely will not be forgotten.


Goodbye Grandma. I love you.

Trailer for ‘The Chronicles of EMS’

If you haven't been following along, you are missing out. The Chronicles of EMS is taking on it's own lifeform and turning heads. Watch the trailer by clicking here and when you are finished with that, check out Justin and Mark's blogs.

Enjoy and follow along!

Yes, I'm counting.

It has been 13 days since I saw JB. I have another 4 to go.

PleasesomeonemakethisweekgofasterImissmyhunny!

Hugeoid favor

Okay, so what if that isn't a word... I am still in great need of some assistance.

First, I need a link to prove that it is proper form to start CPR once a choking person goes unresponsive. I have a love/hate relationship with our facilities guy here and because I don't have the proper male anatomy, I am dumb. This is the same man who will not recognize my CPR certification for the company-wide list because I didn't take the course through the class my company offers. Granted, I could teach the class, but you know... that just doesn't matter. Oiy. I have searched high and low and the man just doesn't believe me and refuses to take down the poster in our lunch room that still advertises abdominal thrusts via straddling the patient. Any links provided earn you 200 cool points.

Secondly, Peppridge Farms is trying to kill me. While in Florida over Thanksgiving, JB and I had an attack of I NEED JUNK FOOD NOW so we ran to Publix where I found come cookies that would make angels cry. I am not even kidding you, they were amazingly delicious. So delicious that I ate the entire bag of cookies in a matter of hours. Perhaps you don't understand, but I don't do that. I will have a couple cookies or a little treat and then I'm good. But noooo... they had to go and lace those things with crack! Of course I needed more, so off we went to the Publix on the other side of town and they didn't have them! I have searched their website trying to find the cookies and they are no where to be found. I'm sure they are part of their limited holiday collection because they were in the red-tinted bag. They had raspberry filling, a spiced, shortbread-esque cookie part and had powdered sugar on them. I swear I am starting to think I made them up. Please tell me I didn't!

There are exactly...

120 days, 7 hours and approximately 38 minutes until I become Mrs. JB. Not that I'm exciting or counting or anything.

I have accomplished some things in order to secure my title as the Mrs, other than charming him with my amazing wit and intelligence. Such as hiring a photographer, purchasing the most amazing dress I have ever laid eyes on (for about 1/3 of the price of retail mind you) and having both sets of rings. Other than that, I have gotten zero accomplished. Do you know how difficult it is to find a suitable place for dinner for a party of 35-40? To large for plain old restaurant reservations and way too small for 99.9% of reception halls. What is a girl to do? I know, avoid the subject all together and instead focus on Christmas! And that is exactly what I intend to do. I figure I'll really get moving on planning the wedding after the holidays. Three months is enough time to send out invitations and put everything together right? Of course it is!

I guess if you are in the Florida panhandle area and have the scoop on a fantastic restaurant or place to have dinner by all means, let me know. Wait, does this count as calling for mutual aid?

The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town;
They were out partying, chugging them down;
The drinks were all poured and shared with a smile,
One more wont matter I only live but a mile;
The presents were wrapped all shiny and bright,
While they soon all headed back out into the night;
The engine turned slowly protesting the cold,
While they were ignoring what they had been told,
When out of my pager there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to tend to the matter.
Away to the scene we flew like a flash,
Threw open the doors and eyed up the crash.
The moon lighting a scene of hurt and of sorrow
Gave sight to tears and pain for the ‘morrow,
She didn’t have a chance you could tell from afar,
But we worked and pryed to free him from the car,
Pulled from the mess, so swiftly and quick,
Excuses were coming, the road is so slick!
Rapid as eagles the assessments were made,
While talking and working we all silently prayed;
Now, pressures! Now, fluids! Now, IVs and blood sugar!
On quickly! On swiftly! A helicopter to conjure!
To the top of the roof! To the end of the hall!
Now fly away! Fly away! Fly away all!
For him there’s no presents from under the tree,
That can replace smiles, hugs and cheers full of glee,
Just pain and regret of the choices he made,
For their night of celebration with her life she paid.
No time for us here to dwell on the thought,
For our warm beds and a clean engine is sought.
Out we all headed into the cold night
Knowing that man would never be right.
To stay sober and drive it isn’t such a task
And I really don’t think it is too much to ask.
So this year please just do what is right.
Don’t drink and drive, and have a safe night.

Where in the world?

Have I been? Well the correct answer is a little bit of everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.

Life for this girl has been great and crazy and wonderful and terrifying.

I'm planning our first attempt at a winter fundraiser for the fire department and in all honesty, I'm not quite sure how well it is going. I guess the numbers will tell.

I'm planning a wedding and inching closer and closer to going to see the man with the famous gyrations instead. Whoever wants to attend can get a plane ticket and show up.

I'm planning on putting my house up for sale despite the fact that my trusted mortgage/real estate guru about swallowed his tongue when I told him how much I needed to sell it for in order to cover what I owe.

I'm planning on asking something of my boss that I'm not sure will go over or not but I'm praying that I can at least give it a trial run.

Basically, my head is about to spin right off my neck. I'm trying to remember that everything will be just fine and it will work out as it is intended to, but dangit if I wouldn't love some answers right now. What can I say, I'm not a patient woman.

I have a lot to say but I lack the brain power to say it and honestly, I don't think more than the four people that still visit me here are interested in my day to day adventures. So, I will try and come up with something other than more appologies for not writing anything in the near future. Unfortunately for now, this is all you get.

Peeved.

I have seen many posts over the last couple months about things that just rub you the wrong way and annoy you like no other. Last night or this morning, however you look at it I came to the realization of what exactly makes me want to kick puppies.

Tape. Little dirty pieces of tape. Stuck to doors, rails, seats, everything. It's gross watching the edges slowly turn greyish brown and finally mutating into black.

I am just as guilty as anyone about sticking pieces of tape to the edge of the counter, to the rail of the cot really, wherever I can put it where it is within reach to secure IVs. But when I'm all done, every last piece gets taken off and tossed in the trash.

I'm not sure why it sends me into a fit, but it does. I even go as far as to pick it off of any surface my hand lands on - bank counters, grocery carts, bay doors... everything. So please, for the love of cheese, for the sake of my sanity clean up your tape!

EMS 2.0

I just read AD's response to the EMS 2.0 frenzy that has exploded across my known corner of the Internet and well AD, that was quite a mouthful (er, handful)? Read it here. And honestly I am being pulled in two different directions. It isn't that I don't think that things can change it is just such a huge and daunting task.

I am constantly seeing/reading a huge difference between full time EMS and volunteer EMS, not to mention between the service I run with and those that I read about. It is actually quite staggering. So if there are these huge gaps in training, experience and just the way of doing things how in the world are we going to move forward as a profession if we all aren't even on the same page?

I want to be excited about a change in EMS and honestly I am. I have seen how a small town's view of EMTs can change. We went from "those people with the medical supplies" to skilled and knowledgeable EMTs working alongside firefighters who once boasted the last good ol' boys club. It sucked, it was hard but dang if it isn't awesome to sit back and realize that I helped change that. So why can't it be possible to change the country's view of EMS? Right? I'm not so sure.

I'm not always a glass half full kind of gal, but I try. I want to be all sparky and go-get-em about this whole idea, but there is this nagging in the back of my head that you wrote about. This is a great idea and in Utopia it would work and work well. Things would change and life would be peachy and keen for those of us riding in the big metal box. Unfortunately, I can't even get past working on myself to be the best EMT I can and we wont even start in on the others on my department.

I have been absent for a while, dodging calls and just feeling sorry for myself. (See I told you I'm not always a sparkling ray of sunshine.) Why? Because it sucks. I don't run calls that often (you know, when I'm not dodging them) and I don't use the skills that I have now as often as I should. Hell, I couldn't tell you the last time I ran a code and did CPR. I'm embarrassed to think of the last time I even opened a protocol book. So to quote Mel Gibson in one of my favorite movies, "aim small miss small."

Before you write me off as a looney toon and send me off to the men in the white coats, hear me out. Before we can change how the public sees us, shouldn't we first change how we see ourselves? It's no mystery that EMS is chock full of whiny, egotistical, backstabbing slackers. So if we treat ourselves and each other that way, why would the public do any different? What I'm saying is start small. Lets dip our toes into the water and maybe hang out on the edge of the pier before jumping into the deep end of the giant scary pond.

I guess I'm agreeing with you and disagreeing. I think and hope, that we can start some sort of push to better ourselves and our individual services and eventually EMS as a whole. It's not that we don't already, but I know for myself I could do a heck of a lot more. Even if this does fizzle out in a few months, I can't see how it can be a negative if even a few people get the kick in the pants to train a little more frequently and ask a few more questions.

I am but one lowly EMT-IV Tech who has a big mouth and an even bigger heart but dangit if I don't wish I could make a difference. Isn't that what we are all here for anyway?

And with that, I will stop talking, or writing. Whichever you prefer and see what kind of response comes out of this...

Liar Liar Pants On Fire!

Okay, so his pants weren't on fire but I sure did a number on them when my trauma shears came out to play. But that isn't the point of this post, I just had to have something to go with the phrase that popped into my head and became the title. What I really have to say isn't very nice at all and doesn't apply to everyone, but dang if I didn't want to slap a (insert derogatory term of choice here).

Pedestrian vs car. I'm sure you can figure out who lost. I get on scene and what do you know, someone is crouched over the patient holding c-spine. Sweet is what I thought. Sweet it was not.

We have all had times (particularly if you are a first responder of some sort) where you hear the words I'm a (insert medical profession here) and we breathe a sigh of relief knowing you have a person willing to help who has hopefully at least been exposed to some sort of medical training. Now, don't get me wrong. I have had many lay-people who's only medical experience was being birthed by their mamas that have been rockstars, but this post isn't about them. This post is about those people that strut around and with a tape measure attached to their belts to ensure doorway clearance. Those people may think they are helping, but they are in fact not.

Generally my rule for family members on scenes are that if they are calm and are providing some assistance by way of reassurance for the patient or elsewise, by all means stick around. On the other hand, if you are earning/yearning for a slap to the face to get you back to the realm of controlled emotions, please take a seat in the next room.

So what does this giant digression have to do with what I have to say? Well, it has everything to do with it.

Person in the road just got hit by a car. Person is scared. Ms Immanurseiknowwhatimdoing keeps finding the exact time I open my mouth to ask a question the appropriate time to console/question the patient. Ugh. Since I was the only person there at this time, I could hear the ambulance sirens coming and the kid was talking/breathing/had a pulse, I didn't think much of it. She was keeping him calm, well for the most part, so that was good enough for me.

The problem was when the calvary showed up and this person refused to relinquish control. They continually talked over all of us, answered questions for the patient and generally got in the way. Add that to the chaos of multiple agencies trying to work together it was a cluster. Being the awesome rockstars we are, we got the patient loaded and on the way to the hospital despite the few speed bumps along the way but it doesn't irritate me any less. (Insert inappropriate joke about patients and speedbumps here.)

How do you handle people like this? When in a home/room it is a little easier asking them to step out of the room, but when you request they step back the question is, how big of a step? At what point do you request someone else to step in and play referee/bouncer/bad guy? I can have quite the silver tongue when need be, but sometimes - okay most times, I am blunt and to the point which of course is quite offensive to most despite the lack of ill intent behind the words.




So how do you do it? Please enlighten me because frankly, I just don't know if I'm making the proper decisions anymore. I second guess myself enough, but when the eyes of those around you are also second guessing you, it just makes me sweat. And ladies shouldn't sweat, we should glisten. So help a sistah out. What say you?

Ice ice baby.

Okay, so you know how I have been flying a lot? Well I was getting good at it too. And then I trusted an airline employee and just like that it was 10:45 and my plane departed at 10:30. Yeah. So I gave JB a little jingle and that sweet, amazing, loving man drove 9 hours one way to come and pick me up. So for 11 or so hours this was my view.



We turned around and headed back through two more states going straight to work where we both propped our eyelids open with whatever various office supplies we could find. 3:00 rolled around and it was decided we might both pass out if we didn't get some sleep and STAT!

Once back at the house JB asked if I wanted to wash up before hitting the hay because well I always do and I just spent 11 hours in an airport about two hours of that time laying on the floor. I politely declined stating the need for a pillow much greater than that of a clean face. Of course he asked again, you know just to be sure. But of course I just wanted a pillow! So I stumbled down the hall when I was abruptly steered into the bathroom. Of course I was quite befuddled as I stared at an empty sink. And then my tired eyes moved up to the mirror and desperately tried to decipher the hieroglyphics's that decorated the reflective surface, illuminated by candles. Like a ton of bricks I my brain de-scrambled and realized exactly what preceded the question mark.

Now we all know I am smooth and suave and always say the right thing at the right time, so when the first thing out of my mouth was exclaiming "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I turned to find him on one knee. Around this time I once again forgot my manners and forgot to say yes. Of course I did eventually answer in the affirmative. Lots of hugging and squealing... I mean I was perfectly composed the entire time...

And then I saw this.



Holy sweet mother of pearl! Do you see that thing?


What can I say? I think he loves me.

So there you have it folks. This girl is getting hitched to the most patient, kind, loving and understanding man. I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I am to have him in my life, but to call him mine... now that folks, is something to smile about.

Oh yeah!

Work is insane, my project list is only getting longer despite busting my butt every night of the week, I haven't been on a call in weeks and I just need a break and it is only Wednesday. So, crank it up and dance. That's right... you know you like it.

No Mercy - Where Do You Go

Real McCoy - Another Night

Real McCoy - Come And Get Your Love

La Bouche - Sweet Dreams3

Scatman John: Scatman music video

Eiffel 65 - I'm Blue

Daft Punk - One More Time

Have fun storming the castle!

Last weekend was my second of four weekends spent with JB in the Great White North. (Thank you JetBlue!) I decided we should do a little sight-seeing along the way and I found Boldt Castle. A love story that tragically ended, it is a beautiful island and really neat place to visit. See if you are me, you think that Mr. Boldt was devastated when his wife passed, but if you are JB, you assume she nagged him incessantly about building her a castle, you know, if he really loved her and when she died he was relieved to know that he no longer had to build a castle he didn't want laden in girly hearts. So, it depends on who you talk to. Whichever story you chose to go with the beauty of the buildings and island is hard to deny.

While you are there, stop by some of the little shops in Alexandria Bay, NY. It is a cute little town with plenty of parking, once you find it. So without further delay, I present Boldt Castle.

This is the Yacht House. We didn't pay the extra money to head over and check it out, so I can't tell you much about it. But you get a picture anyway.

This one is the Play House. There were no plans made and it was build ad hoc if you will.

That's JB and the Play House.

This is from the 4th floor balcony. It had an amazing view.

The next three pictures are of the outside of the castle. I'm not sure who those two people are but now they are semi-famous as "those people" in my picture.

These two pictures are of the Power House. It was build before the castle was even thought to be built. It is really cool and might be my favorite building on the island.

The pictures really don't do it justice. The weather was beautiful and my time was spent laughing, which of course makes the whole thing that much more enjoyable. If you are ever in the area, I say check it out. Next on the list is Singer Castle. :)

Thankful

Ten things I am thankful for today:

1. A little brother who should really start wearing a cape because he really is a hero both in combat boots and out.

2. A man who loves me with all my oddities, forgetfulness and crazy emotions.

3. A job where I am secure and make enough money to pay my bills and stuff a little away for my future.

4. Friends that make me laugh until I have to scurry cross-legged to the bathroom.

5. Good health.

6. JetBlue and their fly-all-you-want pass. :)

7. Dove chocolate from Jo

8. Rootbeer and pretzels

9. Leftovers for lunch

10. Pens that write nice



And with that, I'm off to eat some lunch and get my butt to the airport. Weekend #3 of all JB all the time. Makes me happy.

So I'm now a landlady and you know what? I really, really dislike it. I honestly don't know how people do it. I like to talk the big talk and let people presume I am a big old tough girl, but really I am squishier than a marshmallow in July. It really doesn't help that my renter cries. A lot. In front of me. This is where you can break out the awkward turtle. It has been a rough first two months with issues with the security deposit and managing rent on time. Granted all was within the grace period, but still aggrivating.

Instead of whining about the bad stuff, we will focus on the positive. What is the positive you ask? I am a handy little bugger. It's true. I may be prone to skinned knuckles and unexplained bruises from forgotten furniture corners but dangit if I haven't proven myself with my limited selection in my sad little tool box. For example... the garbage disposal (that was running properly when I moved out) decided for one reason or another to stop functioning. I grabbed my flashlight, a few buckets, a rag or two and my tools. Somehow, some way I got that thing running again. I took the whole blasted thing apart and managed to get it all back together with zero injuries and zero leaks. AND it worked. I know. I was just as surprised as you. Granted after about a day they called and let me know it was broken again so I gave up and just bought a new one. Even though I eventually had to spend the money on a new one, I still have the satisfaction that I fixed it once. Right? Sure, we will go with that.

Also, you know that wall I have been whining about off and on? Well after Monday, the drama shall be (mostly) behind me. Tonight shall be the night of venting frustrations when I head over and *finally* take down the studs. I have a big hammer and some pent up aggression waiting to come out. Afterwards I will have plenty of 2x4's. I'm thinking they will be stacked in the corner and saved for some future project. You know, right next to the trim for the master suite. All that will be left is to fix the landscaping outside to grade away from the house instead of right towards it. I'm really hoping that will be a single weekend project and I will have plenty of volunteers to help.

In news completely unrelated to anything I am searching for the perfect pair of boots. Of course this includes a balance of style, comfort and most importantly, cost. I bought one pair, but I'm not sure I love them and since they do not have a heel I can't figure out if they are comfortable or not. So there they sit on my kitchen table sad and alone wanting nothing more than to be worn.



Okay, so I started this on Thursday and never posted it. I had a fantastic weekend with JB and I'm excited to see him again on Friday. Thank you JetBlue. :) In the mean time, it's laundry, replacing a garbage disposal and training at the FD. You know, life. Now if you will excuse me, I have a pot of coffee to drink.

Today, I remember quietly. Ever thankful for those that gave and continue to give their lives for others. Ever sad for the families of blood and profession, broken and shattered. Always proud to part of a nation that can and will pull together in a time of tragedy, anger, hurt and sorrow.

I have so much I would like to say. Something profound to convey my feelings about this day, but I can't seem to get them just right. However, my simple words cannot possibly capture the emotion like the images of the day and the days after.

I will board a plane today and fly into a city whose scars still throb with the sting of that day. I will remember. Will you?

Why hello there...

Hi, I'm here. Well not really here in the sense that I am around the "blog world." Been sitting back and ignoring it for a bit to be honest.

Things are good. Wait, scratch that. Things are great. JB is headed my direction for the weekend and I will see him for exactly 5 if not 6 weekends in a row, Will is headed home for good and the bosslady is talking a pay grade boost. So all in all I can't complain. Can you imagine that? Me... not complaining? Or if you are JB - whining? I know. Crazy.

I've noticed some of you out there *cough*Michael*cough* have been somewhat quiet as well so I say you should at least let us know you are still upright and kicking. Okay? Great. Thanks.

In other news... the fire department has hit is fall frenzy. It happens every year around this time when everyone decides to roll cars, break bones, forget how to breathe and well, up and code. Unfortunately I am a giant slug have not been very successful in getting my tired butt out of bed in the middle of the night. I mean, I do, but not nearly as often as when I was young* and sparky. This is not a direct result of covering other people's shifts however more so that the bad stuff happens on my nights I can sleep. And yes, I probably did just jinx myself. Not so good considering I can't find anyone to cover my crew night Saturday which is absolutely no good since I will have company. I might have to stoop to bribery. We shall see.

Well folks, I'm more dull and uninteresting that watching golf on tv on a Sunday afternoon so I will stop yammering (and wasting time until my "Friday" begins) and leave you all with a request to stay safe and enjoy the long weekend.


**I can refer to my "young" days since they were 7 years ago and I'm fast approaching 30. Which of course 30 is the new 20 so in reality I should be the same age as when I started this crazy circus called EMS... right? Oh wait, I think I've confused myself...

The Handover

It's that time again folks!

Head on over to Medic999's blog
and read up on some fantastic stories.

Cuteness Defined

27 years ago today, my mother experienced a whole new version of childbirth. Her stubborn "Steven" wouldn't budge. When that baby decided SHE wanted to make her debut she arrived sunny side up.

You know, just to be different.



Of course she didn't always resemble a primate so much.

Eventually she got even more adorable.



She had a few more trips around the sun - made her fair share of mistakes and perfected the eye-roll. But she has always done what she wants...

Wait for the singing? No way!



This child was not only cute as a button, she was a budding artist. Sharpening her mad pig sculpting skills. Making her parents very proud.



So come on folks... Celebrate this painfully adorable genius child's birthday!



I know my momma is.

Routine.

What the….? Oh yeah, that’s a pager. My pager. Ripping me out of my precious and much adored sleep.

Feet on the floor. Shirt over the tank top. Swap jeans for pjs. Shake the cobwebs from your brain.

Phone… check. Radio… check. Pager… check. Shoes?! There they are…

Pause at Jo’s door. Detect no movement or light.

Grab car keys and boots. Don’t forget to lock the door.

Wipers on to clear the fog on my window. Window down to allow the cool air to chase out the spiders from my brain.

Updates… location change… doesn’t sound good.

Pull in. Phone into the pocket. Pager and radio on my hip. Grab your helmet. You always forget your helmet.

Into the ambulance and off we go.

Ration out gloves and talk game-plan. Right there. See the squad?

Wow! That looks like it hurt… don’t cringe on the outside. Gloves on… Jump kit… check. Spinal board… check.

Crap, I forgot my reflective vest.

Blood. Lots of blood. Music is blaring. Odd thoughts of musical notes floating upside down out of the car on it’s roof. Dancing to the beat on the inside. Hands are steady holding c-spine.

Frustration mounts… my questions are more important that yours. I’ll get you his info in a minute.

What? Trauma shears? Right pants pocket. Oh wait… left. Speaking of spiders, please shoo that one off my leg.

Ants? What’s with the bugs? Ick. Can’t let go. Kinda itchy.

No-Bama. Funny even in pain.

Whoa. That looks like it hurts. I’m intrigued. Memories in check. Stay there please. Thanks.

C-spine kit in a giant ant pile. More itchy. Yuck. Tease new guy about placement of gear. Surprised it wasn’t me this time.

Check the back. Roll him on my count. Straps and backboards. Out of Bug Central.

Wow… things are going smooth as silk.

Big needle… giggle. All before the BP cuff deflates. Booya. One shot. Go me.

Wait. He just asked that question 2 minutes ago. Here come the 11’s... Put your thinking cap on.

Okay, time for the mental checklist…

Anyone else? Any changes?

No, don’t get mad at us. We are helping you. I’ll smile. You take deep breaths.

There. That’s better.

What’s that? I can’t tell you one way or the other. Yes, I was holding c-spine. Sorry it’s not the answer you want to hear but I can’t say yes or no. Sassy man with a star…

Helicopter is here.

Nice Flight crew. New partners to dance with. They join effortlessly.

Recap and recheck. Switch monitors. Pack up IV’s. Pain meds mean a happy(er) patient.

Personal items nestled in between his legs.

Off to a hot load. Man… that never gets old. Rush of cool night air as they ascend into the black. Straight up sure is impressive.

A blinking star takes off into the night.

Disaster in the squad. Gloves. Blood. Wrappers. Remnants of a shirt.

Clean it up. Back to the station. So tired.

Paperwork. Restock. Clean. Don’t look at your watch. The watch I get teased for. Happy thoughts.

Windows down. Music up. Need to stay awake for 5 more minutes.

Hot. Sweaty. One hour until daily beeping.

Fan on high. Beg for sleep.

Pillows to the floor. Pillows on the bed.

Right side. Left side. Flop like a fish.

Forget it.

Time for a shower.

One of our own...

For those that are in the field of EMS we often wonder where all the "good" people are. Stuck with partners that don't care or just don't get it, we dream every day for the elusive soul that is not only good at what they do, but you know they have your back no matter what. The same holds true for people not in EMS. When you find yourself dialing those three numbers for yourself, your mother, your friend, your child - you want someone there who can connect with you and earn your trust in seconds. So what are we to do when that person everyone wants to come running when they call 911 can't? What are we supposed to do? Well folks, this is your chance.

There is one such woman who puts her heart and soul into the job day in and day out. Her heart takes permanent residence on her sleeve while she cares for you physically and emotionally. This woman has worked her butt off to attend medic school. And wouldn't you know it has been faced with a barrier I hope we can all help her overcome. Epi has become like a sister to me. She is strong, passionate, loving and one of the coolest people I know. And she needs our help.

I know money is tight. I know we most of us don't "know" her, but I dare you to take five minutes and read through Epi's blog and tell me she doesn't deserve a chance to make her dream come true. She has worked so hard to get where she is today only to be stopped in her tracks.

I'm challenging all of you to three fives. Give five dollars, tell five friends and take five minutes to stop by Epi's blog and give her some words of encouragement.

I have put a donation button in the sidebar. Every last penny goes to Epi and getting her to medic school. I HATE asking for money but I can't think of anyone else that deserves this as much as she does.

Thank you all so much!

UPDATE: Epi gives a bit more of an explanation here. There have been several people wondering why I have been so vague as to why we are helping her out financially as well as with as much love and support we can muster and frankly as much as I would like to remove any doubt from your mind as to why she needs us, I don't want to cross lines of revealing more personal information than she is comfortable giving out. The bottom line is we have all been there at one point or another. When everything seems to fall apart and the one good thing you had your sights on gets taken away. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask. But as I said before, I'm not sure how much I can truly share beyond what she has already.

Thank you for your understanding.

*gigglesnort*

Enjoy.

Canadian, please.

Mucho funny. Considering...

Because you know you want to know...

Okay, so I totally stole this from TJ. Thanks for providing my mental break for my Tuesday afternoon. So here you go folks. Enjoy watching the paint dry.




Have I:

Gone on a blind date: Nope. Never.

Skipped school: High school – no. I was a goody-goody. Well for the most part anyway. College – Yep. A person can only read/debate/dissect Hamlet so many times before you want to drink the wine yourself.

Watched someone die: I guess that is the debate. Are they already dead when I get to them or do they slip away despite our best efforts. I assume I have in fact watched someone die, but it just sounds so passive. You know, like I wasn’t busting my butt to save them. Ick. I don’t like this question.

Been to Canada: Indeed. I foresee a lot of Canada in my future.

Been on a plane: Yes. Quite a bit in the last 6 months. That’s what happens with long distance relationships.

Been lost: Never lost, just taking a detour.

Been on the opposite side of the country: Well I kind of live in the middle section, but I have been to every side at one point or another.

Swam in the ocean: Yes. I tried surfing in California and ended up sicker than sick. Do not inhale ocean water. Just sayin’. AND I went snorkeling in St John. Of course I am the freakazoid that got motion sickness from snorkeling. Go figure.

Had your booze taken away by the cops: Funny story with that one. Maybe some day I will write about it. Oh, right… the answer is yes. If you hadn’t figured that one out yet.

Cried yourself to sleep: It used to be a nightly occurrence. Not so much anymore.

Recently colored with crayons: YES! I made a pretty sign complete with hearts and sent a picture to JB. I’m a dork, but he loves me.

Sang Karaoke: Never. Nor will it ever.

Paid for a meal with coins only: Two words for you… dollar.menu.

Cheated on an exam: Nope. It’s just not worth the satisfaction in passing if I didn’t pass on my own.

Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose: You hang out with Will and see if YOU can keep things from flying out your nose.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue: It’s the only way to go. Less odds of ground contamination if you know what I mean.

Danced in the rain: Not really “danced” persay, but we used to run around in the yard when we were kids. Then my dad would hold our heads under the downspout and call it “Chinese Water Torture”. In fact that might be one of my favorite memories from my childhood. The running around, not the face under the downspout.

Written a letter to Santa Claus: I can’t say that I did or didn’t. I remember waiting for “Santa” at my grandparents house and watching out the window. When he arrived, I freaked the hell out and ran to the safety of my mothers lap and would not release my judo death grip until the creepy man left. Funny enough, that creepy man was my uncle. Who is still, to this day creepy. Even without the Santa costume. I was a smart child.

Been kissed under the mistletoe: No! Never. What a rip off.

Watched the sunrise with someone you care about: I’m not really a sunrise kinda person if ya know what I mean.

Been arrested: Negatory. I’m a good girl.

Blown bubbles: I love doing this with the nieces and nephews. They LOVE it and it occupies them for hours. HOURS I tell you! Well if you don’t pass out first that is.

Gone ice-skating: I grew up next to a lake. I was practically born on ice skates. Just beware the TOE PICK. (100 cool points to anyone that can identify the reference.)

Been skinny dipping outdoors: Yeah.

Favorite drink?: If we are talking non-alcoholic it’s water. But room temperature water. I hate cold water. It makes my teeth hurt. As for alcoholic – it totally depends on my mood. But I do enjoy a good Woodchuck from time to time. Nummy.

Tattoos?: I have one on the small of my back that is an ivy design and another on the inside of my left wrist of a dragonfly. I’m not sure if I want any more. I feel “complete” right now.

Piercings?: Two holes in each ear. I miss my tragus piercing like crazy, but alas it does not jive with stethoscopes so I wont have it redone. Bummer.

How much do you love your job?: Which one? My full time, sit at a desk and stare at numbers one? That one is okay. I wish a few things were different, mostly the commute but for the most part I like it. I don’t love it though. The EMT thing… of course I love it. Even if I do get tired of the drama-llamas and whatnot. Few things put a smile on my face and a spring in my step like interacting with patients. When I’m on the job, it just feels right. Like it is what I was meant to do with my life. Oh and then the massage thing… I don’t love it. Well I might if it didn’t beat me up so bad. I think I would like it a whole lot more if it was more rehab/treatment based and not all Swedish boring blah massages that are exactly the same every time.

Birthplace? It’s a secret. And you don’t get to know.

Favorite vacation spot? I can’t tell you enough how much I loved St John. So laid back and the weather was perfect. It helped that I thoroughly enjoyed the company I kept while I was there too. My mom is awesomeness. Although there is something to be said for my grandparent’s house “up north”.

Ever been to Africa?: No, never.

Ever been on TV?: Yep. I was screaming bloody murder for a scenario. They didn’t use the audio though… I wonder why.

Ever been in a car accident?: Yes. One when I was 17 that has absolutely no bearing on my memory or lack thereof (love you babe!) but did produce some nasty scars (that only I see at this point) and another a few years later when I t-boned a cop. Again, a story for another day.

Favorite movie?: I love so many movies it’s ridiculous, but you really can’t go wrong with Princess Bride, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Hope Floats, Big Fish and just about any Julia Roberts movie ever made.

Favorite holiday?: Christmas. My favorite thing ever is buying presents for other people.

Favorite food?: Have I ever mentioned I’m a mood-driven person? Ask me this tomorrow and you will get a different answer. Today… I want sushi. Bad.

Favorite flower?: Lilacs. I LOVE LOVE LOVE lilacs. The deeper the purple, the more I love them. And yellow roses because they are bright and happy and out of the ordinary. Oh and coral roses because they remind me of my cousin.

Favorite smells?: The ocean. Lilacs. Summer (a mixture of grass, flowers, fresh air and food grilling), the smell right after it snows and it is freezing cold outside… I could go on for days.

What do you do to relax? Write, run, sleep, draw, clean…

How do you see yourself in 10 years?: Can I say still hot? Ha! Happy and content.

Ever been given an engagement ring?: Yes.

Longest relationship?: Six years.

Last gift you received?: Flowers from Jo.

Ever dropped a cell phone?: They designed the Nextel construction grade phones just for me. True story.

When’s the last time you worked out?: Weeks ago. I stopped running so I would stop shrinking.

First thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Their smile and how they carry themselves. And eyes. I love it when you can see the smile in their eyes.

One favorite song?: Ra’s version of Every little thing she does is magic. It makes me giggle.

Favorite mall store: Anything with cute shoes.

Longest job you’ve had: It’s either this one at just short of 5 years or my “job” as an EMT at just about 7 years.

Biggest lie you’ve ever heard: I’m gonna go ahead and plead the 5th on this one thankyouverymuch.

Favorite place to eat with friends?: It doesn’t really matter as long as I’m hanging out with friends.

Can you cook?: Anything but pancakes.

Best kiss: Any one I can get from him.

Last time you cried?: Sunday.

Most disliked foods: Onions, beets, peanut butter, sushi with the skin still on it

Thing you like most about yourself: I always find the good in people even after they’ve done me absolutely no good.

Thing you dislike most about yourself: See above.

Longest shift you’ve worked at a job?: 18 hours I think.

Can you sing?: I don’t know if you would refer to what I do as singing. But I still do it. HA!

Last concert you attended?: Shinedown.

Last movie rented: I have no idea. I have had Netflix forever and I don’t even have that anymore. Like I have time to watch movies. Pshaw!

One thing you never leave the house without: Keys or my cell phone.

Laptop or Desktop?: Laptop

Favorite comedian?: Me of course.

Do long distance relationships work?: Yes, to a point. There comes a time where something definitely has to change.

How many times have you been pulled over by the police?: Seven? Eight? Twenty?

How do you like your eggs?: Over medium. Cooked whites, runny yolks and a piece of toast. Or scrambled with cheese and peppers and hot sauce.

Number of pillows?: When he is here, one. When he is gone, 7.

Can you play pool?: I can, but it sure isn’t pretty.

Favorite season?: They all have their perks, but I think fall is my favorite.

Best thing about winter?: The smell of fresh snow and Christmas.

Name of your first pet?: Skipper – an English Setter

Birthday?: August 26! Mark your calendars people!

What do you want to be?: Happy.

Smiling right now?: Actually I am. I just remembered something wonderful and had to take a minute to just sit here and enjoy it.

Do you miss somebody right now?: Yes! A thousand times YES! :(

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?: Canada. Ontario to be precise.

Are you in high school?: Sometimes I wonder.

Do you have a harmless crush on anyone?: Hmm, I don’t know if that can be classified as a crush. And now I have Paramore stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.

Ever been on a cruise?: No. Apparently I will be going on one next October though. Ha!

What jewelry are you wearing?: Just diamond studs in my ears. Need to replace the chain for my necklace… again.

What are you going to do after this questionnaire?: Um, get back to work.

Brain Child.

It is a bad idea to tie the corners of a blanket to a rope suspended from a 40 foot tree. Climb up with said blanket in hand to about the 25 foot mark. At which point to encase yourself in the blanket and jump.

Fact: Knots fail.

Fact: 25 foot fall means several broken bones.

Fact: Youtube videos are not worth the surgery or the cast for the remainder of your summer.

Fact: Your mother will ground you until your dying day.

Fact: You cannot be a shadow ninja if you glow in the dark.



The antics of teenagers will never cease to amaze me.

Monday Morning Music

Jake Shimabukuro: While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Lights! Camera! Action!

So I had a little date with my mom last night. We ran a bunch of errands and then grabbed some dinner at Subway. Mmmm... yum. I've got to tell you, The Ugly Truth was funny. Overly crass in parts I'm sure to appeal the men that were drug along to a girly chick flick, but over all it was funny. There were mushy 'aw' inducing parts for the women-folk and girls in jello for the other gender.

If you can get past some mediocre acting, a predictable plot and the crude language and innuendo's then you will probably enjoy it. I mean, it's no Borat (blehck) but still... a couple eyebrow raising lines in there.

Oh and one more thing... Gerard Butler has massively massive mitts and he talks out the side of his mouth. BUT if you happen to not like him in his role in this movie, you will adore him in P.S. I love you.


I will stop being overtly girly now before I start to scare people.

Unexpected

I pulled my old pickup into the drive. Today was one of the first days of fall where the weather was neither hot nor cold. I paused as I opened my door to inhale the sweet smell of aging corn stalks and falling leaves. I knew today was a good day. I cheerfully pulled my bags of groceries from the back seat and headed up the stairs to my apartment. My tiny kitchen was warm and welcoming as I laid out the ingredients for dinner. Before I could even set a pan on the stove, my heart jumped into my chest as the now-familiar tones broke the silence. My heart immediately started racing. After all, I was the sparky newbie. Actually, to say I was sparky was an understatement. I was full on blazing for this job. I was truly enjoying my new responsibilities as a baby EMT. Of course, my service was nothing like what people described in class. Rarely did I go to the station. When we were paged, my vehicle was transformed into a first responder vehicle with a willing and mostly capable EMT inside.

Down the stairs I went, ignoring the fact that I was still in heels and a skirt, a byproduct of my full time job. As I pulled on scene, I was relieved to see AC's truck on scene. As I swapped heels for steel toes, I heard a voice over my shoulder.

"Here. You are going to need this." It was Jay, the AC's son handing me the big, scary orange defibrillator.

I peeked around the front of my truck and sure enough, there is a crowd around the patient... and a cop doing CPR. My heart dropped to my feet to the beat of a million a minute. Cold sweat stung my forehead and the pinch of anxiety knotted my stomach. I grabbed my coat and the d-fib and jogged to the ever-growing crowd.

I knelt to the right side of the patient, hid my shaking fingers in purple latex and lowered my ear to the patient's face. Nothing. My heart raced faster. I placed my two fingers on the neck of the patient and counted... and waited... and realized I was holding my breath. With the exhale I grabbed the BVM and placed it on the burly man's face. A shiver of discomfort and reluctance vibrated up my arms as the mask failed to seal to the shattered structures coated in broken, bleeding skin. I looked up to the faces staring expectantly back at me. The deputy to my left fumbled with the pads, bystanders randomly fussed with the patient's limbs and circled like vultures casting doom down on my head. I wasn't thinking, I was only reacting. It was almost like those dreams where you are floating somewhere above your body watching your own actions, unable to reason with your own muscles. Then, a face. A face I didn't know, but a face that topped black turn out gear that boasted my department's name. Never in my life have I been so happy to hear, "I'll take care of the airway." With renewed vision and strength, I pulled the pads from the trembling hands of the deputy and placed them neatly on the patient's chest. With an authority to my voice I didn't know I had, I demanded all hands be off the patient.

*No shock advised.*

Hand over hand, my palm met the sternum. I hesitated, expecting the crack of bone to reverberate up my forearms. Instead the chest caved to the left with no resistance. Fire rose up my throat. I gulped it back breathing in the scent of blood and soil. As if we were a well oiled machine, we gave the best CPR we could. All the while I prayed for the sound of a siren to signal my relief. It may have been 5 minutes but it felt like 5 years. The rest blurred by. I spit out a report of what happened and watched as the crew wheeled the patient to the ambulance. I stood there unsure of what my role had turned into. I tip-toed through the debris to the engine that had arrived and peeled off my gloves. Someone sat me down on the front bumper, revealing a perfect view of the flurry of activity inside the ambulance. I was shocked. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry. I was optimistic. And happy. Surely survival would occur. It had to. We were EMT's, and damn good ones. We save lives and I just put on one hell of a show.

It was in that moment that I realized I loved this job. Until that point it was basic transports on which I was pushed into the corner and told to watch. I had made decisions. Heck, I had remembered what to do and I did it. In the right order even. I wondered if I should have felt worse, even if the patient lived, it wouldn't be any sort of quality of life one would hope for. Would I be this uncaring about all my patients? Would I ever feel badly about poor outcomes? My mind was in warp speed with no signs of slowing. Little did I know that this patient was the first of three I would see pronounced on scene in the next four weeks.

Looking back and knowing better how I respond to patients and their outcomes, I am surprised that I was so numb to the events that occurred. I don't know if it was the shock of it being my first call I was "in charge of" or my first patient to be called on scene. I can't really tell you. What I can tell you though, that the years and stories can and do change us. Sometimes it is positive, and sometimes it is negative and cause us to pause and wonder why we do what we do.

But by the grace of God I am what I am,
and his grace to me was not without effect.
1 Corinthians 15:10


A simple post by Meester Detzel ala This is Reverb.

It hit me and in a good way.

Go check him out.

Misinterpretation.

There is a distinct odor that surrounds certain events. Various foods that have been submerged in oil that may or may not be from 7 fairs ago, burning rubber mixed with the distinct smell of oil laced Earth, sweat, blood and animals... they all combine to form a distinct scent that could never be mistaken for anything other than the county fair. That is exactly what I inhaled for no more and no less than six hours yesterday. The shift started off all well and good. Various bumps, bruises and requests for band-aids later, my stomach told me it was time to seek out something deep-fried. I set out wandering through the crowds growing ever so thankful for all my teeth and remembering the radio on my hip which prevented me from shaking various patrons. I settled for something not so fried, but still served on a stick. Mmmm... pork chops. As I headed back to the EMS station my radio crackled to life. "Sheriff to EMS." Crap. "Respond to the pitts for a person with an injured knee." I picked up the pace knowing Jo, who was standing by while I went to find sustenance, wasn't in any sort of mood to go and "play". I called over advising I was 100 yards out. I handed off my oinker on a stick and hopped onto the six-wheeler. Away we went.

Now, I don't know if this is some sort of natural phenomenon or just something ingrained in all mouth-breathers, but what is it about red lights that causes people to turn and stare. No amounts of "excuse me" or "please step aside" snaps them out of it either. Just sweat-stained lumps of cells standing with their mouths even more agape, almost to the point of jaw dislocation. Some crafty driving and plenty of patience later we arrived safely at the side of the patient. His pant leg was rolled up and he was icing his knee. I introduced myself and put on my detective hat. Good CMS. Not noted deformities or bruising. 10/10 pain. No I don't have an ace bandage. No I don't have pain killers. Yes, I can get you to the hospital. Oh and I have more ice. That's about it as of right now. My debate team skillz came in handy, convincing him he should at least come back with us so we could fill out some paperwork and take a better look. AKA not breathe dust and exhaust.

Back at the EMS station, we had a conundrum. How to get this person inside? What better than human crutches? Knee injuries make a fireman's carry quite uncomfortable so with one arm around me and another around Neighboring Department EMT, we slowly made our way inside. Time lapse at this point is perhaps 10 minutes. I removed the bag of ice and noted the knee had grown from an orange to a grapefruit and was starting to show hues of a blueberry. Ruh roh Raggy.

I started the paperwork and offered to call rescue to respond and take the patient to the hospital. At the mention of an ambulance the already misty eyes about popped out of their sockets. "I don't have insurance!" Hmmm. Conundrum. I explained the importance of having the knee checked by a doctor and eventually it was decided a personal vehicle to the ER would be sufficient. A wheelchair and some grunts and groans later, the patient was on the way to Big Hospital.

While wiping down the table, Tank asks me if I saw the patient's shirt. Of course, I hadn't read the shirt. To which he enlightened me...

"If I don't get laid soon, someone's gonna get hurt."

I don't think they were hoping for the hurt.


*************************************************************


Jo and I were having conversation about an EMT from Neighboring Department who was throwing out some serious stink eye for at least an hour or two. Now in order to truly appreciate thefunneh, both of us were engaging in this conversation with total seriousness.

I turned to Jo and stated, "I think that girl keeps giving me the stink eye." To which she turned and dead-pan "I think that is just her face."

*blank stare*

It took a moment for both of us to absorb and truly appreciate the genius of what had transpired. What followed was leg-crossing, gut-clenching hysterics.

No wonder I love her so much!


*************************************************************


Jo sat in a folding chair laptop in it's appropriate place and me laying on the cot. We were in the midst of cementing our plans for taking over the world, or just discussing our feelings on the new guy, and in walks a man in a button up shirt which was tucked into the typical wranglers. Judging by his attire and lack of offending stench, I presumed he was someone of some sort of significance around these parts. I surmised correctly. Dirt and mud caked his arms in splotches that gave his previous location away. He was holding his forearm with his opposite hand. Before we could really assimilate what was going on, he blurts, "Bitch bit me!" Jo and I exchange a look and suppress the laughter. My eyebrow has now started to orbit from shooting up so fast.

"I'm sorry, what is the problem?"

"I was in the grandstands breaking up a fight and the bitch bit me! What can you do for me?"

I can't lie. I let out a chuckle.

"Did her teeth break the skin?"

"No. But you never know where a mouth like that has been."

I think I may have convulsed from the effort it took to hold back the BWAH! that came screeching to my lips.

I offered the gentleman an alcohol wipe. The 1x1 square was black with demo-derby dirt with one swipe but he kept on scrubbing.

He refused any additional medical "intervention." With a smile and a wave he was off. Heading back into the crowd of crayzees.

Not five minutes later a little 5 foot nothin comes in spouting something about a fight in the grandstands. Jo and I wondered silently if this was The Biter. We were right.


*************************************************************


Six hours was more than enough time at the fair. Between hearing the screams from the rides for 5 days straight and the horrendous traffic, I for one am not sad that it is over. Sure enough come July next year I will be craving processed leftovers wrapped in corn batter and deep fried to a golden sheen. Until then I'll just enjoy the normal small town crayzees.

*blink* *blink*

What’s that little flickering speck I see in the distance? Wait… is that the light? My eyes are having a hard time adjusting to the shimmer of hope in the form of a tiny globe of light. The walls of this tunnel are dark, cold, dreary and wreaking havoc on my eyesight. Alas, the end is in sight. *whew*

Today is work at the “real” job, work at the spa, dinner/shopping with the girls, back to the house to finish packing and cleaning, home to crash for a few hours. Tomorrow the alarm clock will rip me from my exhaustion-induced slumber far too early. I will then head back to the house to bring garbage to the dump, meet with my renters, do the inspection and swap keys for a check, then off to the spa (if I’m not there already) for a few appointments, then home to go for a run (if I can manage), and movie night/crew night with Jo. You know, if I can make it past the initial credits. Sunday morning up bright and early for church then back to my parent’s for birthday lunch for Jeannie and then off to the local county fair to work the EMS booth. Before I know it, it will be Monday again. After that… I am quitting life for a week. I will go to work and go home and sit my happy butt on the couch and do as little as humanly possible.

What’s that? You don’t think I can do it? Really? Is that a challenge? Oh you are ON!

I just keep telling myself if I can survive this weekend, I deserve a week of no to-do list. Maybe I’ll even catch a movie at the theatre. There are a few chick flicks that I have been meaning to see. MAYBE I’ll even get myself a massage to see if I can remedy this ridiculously sharp pain in my shoulder.

Me thinks it’s high time I start taking care of myself a little better. And with the house stuff taken care of, I will have that much more time to do just that.


The good thing is, I’m sure I will have PLENTY of things to discuss after a shift at the county fair. At least I hope so.

The thing about sisters...

The thing about sisters
Is truly perplexing
Each other's boundries
To always be testing
Stealing of clothes
and makeup galore
Some day you'll find
Common ground at the store
That outfit is too boy
That hair is too flat
Usually ends up in
A commonplace spat
One moves away
To cities afar
It's then that you learn
How lucky you are
You can't always say
Things at the same time
But it does happen
With that sister of mine
When things do get scary
And boys break your heart
It's my sister who's there
Like she was from the start
We are weird and unruly
Sometimes it's a shame
There's no camera rolling
We'd have fortune and fame


We may not agree
On all things it's true
But in the end
I'll always have you


Thanks for everything.

Happy birthday!

My used stuff brings all the freaks to the yard...

And damn right, they're weirder than yours.

Somehow I had forgotten the hilarity and awkwardness that is garage-sale-goers. Women that stock up on baby stuff before they are pregnant, crayzee cakes that would split a penny if they could and disheveled old people just looking for a conversation.

My sister and I had several good laughs, mostly at the expense of others but at least we waited until they were gone. Right? Right.

Today has been one of the best days in a while and it is only going to get better. I talked to Will on the phone for about 20 minutes. Apparently "I" passed through two x-ray machines in Singapore. Who can say they have done that? Ha! I swear, that kid is hilarious and awesome wrapped in bacon. Truly. And not only did I get to talk to him, I get to see my other favorite person tonight. JB should be arriving in town some time this evening. To say that I am excited is an understatement.

I know this has nothing to do whatsoever with EMS or patients but dangit if things aren't falling right into place.

Stars and sunshine and all that happy crap. Go me.

Funneh.

Talk about having a good time.



I can only imagine how the reception went!

Birthday Love For Will.

Today it's his birthday on his side of the world. Tomorrow we celebrate here. Birthday or not, every day I am thankful for him.


He routinely pushed me down the flight of stairs in our tiny two bedroom house. I retaliated by scrawling his name on walls and furniture leading my parents to believe it was him that did it. He got in trouble.

He bit me every day before I left to catch the bus for kindergarten. I retaliated by tying him to the grand piano with robe belts. I got in trouble.

I would tease him until he got so angry he would swing out of blind rage and swear. I'd act like he hurt me and I was going to tell. We were even.

We were like oil and vinegar. He was the annoying little brother that always ruined everything. I was the big sister who picked on him with no mercy.

And then came high school. One year ahead of him I got a head start. Of course, he got picked on. Sometimes pretty badly. We didn't get along at the time, but he was my brother and no one was going to pick on my little brother. No one except me and I would take you down if you tried. I spent more time in the principal's office for taking on boys three times my size for challenging my promise.

We both fell in with the wrong crowd. Our lives went to hell in a hand basket strapped to a rocket ship. At the end of the day, we were all we had. And in that moment we realized our powers combined, we were unstoppable.




The tears wouldn't stop the day his heels made a deafening roar in the awed silence of the parade deck. My heart shattered with pride and love.



The tears wouldn't stop the day he hugged me goodbye and made the long trip down the gravel driveway headed straight into a war zone. My heart shattered with love and fear.



The tears wouldn't stop the day he told me I would have to make the decision of whether or not to continue life support, heaven forbid. My heart shattered with fear and responsibility.



For all the breaking of my heart he has done, Will and only Will knows how to put it back together. Few make me laugh and cry like he does.






I was cruel. He was a beast. And I wouldn't trade him for all the little brothers in the world.



Stay safe and come home soon.


I love you kiddo.

Choo choo!

Things are chugging along. I am exhausted beyond the realm of tired and I have many bruises scattered across my body from carrying things up stairs and around corners. It is all worth it though. Everything I need for day to day living is now in the apartment, cleaned and put away in their rightful place. Sigh with me now. The only things that are left to do is pack the rest of the house for storage or put it in the garage for the rummage sale. Oh and clean the house. I have this week to finish the packing/sorting and next to finish the cleaning, so I'm not terribly worried. Ask me that Friday night how far I am down the list of things to do. I may have a completely different answer for you.

We did have our first visitors last night as well. I thought it was a bit odd to have someone knocking on the door at 9:00pm but as it turns out it was the neighbors across the hall welcoming us with two pieces of carrot cake. I had to suffer through both of them for the sake of Jo and her Celiacs. What a shame!

While I was having my nightly conversation with JB, I wondered what the probability would be that I would wake in the middle of the night and walk straight into a wall. Of course his reply was "If anyone would do that, it would be you babe." Meanie. But I love him anyway. The truth hurts I guess, sometimes literally. The good news is I did not walk into any walls but I did have a fitful night of sleep. I was seemingly unconscious and had not moved since I hung up the phone, that is until the pager woke me. It wasn't the beeping that got my heart going it was the dispatch info. It was that same info that kept me awake and colored my dreams for the rest of the night. It's amazing how one small detail can open the doors to memories we had previously locked away.

If I had more brain cells firing that what is required for the essentials like breathing and holding myself upright, I would find some creative way to tell you about the adventure Jo and I had this morning. It took three stops to find coffee. Stop #1 = sludge in the making (Jo felt guilty so she bought some candy). Stop #2 = BK drive through with no answer and people eating inside. Stop #3 = Success.

Unfortunately, I think that is the most coherent I can be for the day. There is so much more I'd love to blabber on about including how Henri broke my heart, but I will spare the five minutes of your life you would spend reading it. I have a training burn tonight so hopefully I will at least have some cool pictures for you tomorrow.

Simply Amazing

Few people render my mouth speachless. This woman did just that.

Thanks to Bayou Renaissance Man for posting.

Please read about Army Sgt. Jennifer Watson here. Oh and you might need a box of kleenex to go along with it.

Thank you Sgt. Watson. It truly is people like you that make this world a better place.

You know you are tired when...

You loose your phone three times in a matter of 4 hours and then proceed to losing your car keys only to find them lying in the parking lot next to your rear tire. But not until you have spent at least 15 minutes walking around the station and repeatedly searching your gear pockets. I swear, I would have a hard time thinking my way out of a wet paper bag this week.

In other news you probably care nothing about, I found homes for both of my dogs. My parents are taking Henri and a coworker is taking Montana. Both will have more acres to run on than they will know what to do with.

My renters signed the two year lease on Tuesday night. Now I have to pack up my house and move 5 minutes down the road to my apartment with Jo. Not to mention finally finish all those little projects I have started around the house.

So that will be my next few weeks. Packing, cleaning and moving. I will appologize now for the dead air space.

Helpful Hints

It never ceases to fail me that much like the unspoken rule of urinals I hear so much about, people do not know the ettiquite of public transportation. So we shall discuss a few general rules. Todays edition: The Airplane.

Most airlines board by zone or row. I'm going to take my chances and assume you can count from 1-10 and I dare I say even 10-1. Therfore, if they are loading the plane starting with zone 1 and you are seated in zone 6, please do not stand directly in front of the podium causing the rest of the plane to squeeze by you while trying to deflect the lazer beams flying from your judo death stare for bumping into you. Standing there will not get you onto the plane faster.

Airlines generally try to load planes quickly. This means there may or may not be a bit of a backup down the walkway to the plane. Once you have made it this far, the plane will not leave without you. You are guaranteed your spot on the flying machine. Therefore, there is no need to stand so close to the person in front of you that they can identify the exact ingredients included in your last meal and your body temperature. Imagine everyone in the world has a safety bubble of at least a foot. If you pop their bubble, this gives them the opportunity to pop you based on the sole fact that it's just not nice.

When stowing your carry on luggage, it is deemed polite to stow your suitcase with the wheels to the rear of the compartment. You are no more important than the rest of us and your bag certainly does not require it's own compartment all to itself. If you would like preferential treatment, feel free to upgrade your ticket to first class and leave us poor schmucks to our allotted share of overhead compartment. Another way to ensure your bag will stow easily, it is adviseable to measure your carry on after you pack. This will ensure a proper fit in the overhead compartment. If you pack like I do, your luggage can swell up like grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner before you finally get around to zipping it closed. This will save you time and few beads of sweat.

When on an airplane if there is a row of three seats and two people, it is general knowledge that the middle seat becomes the 'buffer seat'. This ensures there is no elbow wars over the 2" wide arm rest. You can lean comfortably from one side to the other without fear of sharing your severe halitosis with your neighbor as you snore and create a river of saliva from your mouth to shoulder. Also, it is polite to ensure that you have decent hygeine and have recently showered or are at least mostly free of offensive bodily odors. Deodorant is a beautiful thing. Cologne and perfume can be severely offensive.

If you are not fortunate enough to have a buffer seat, please be respectful of your temporary neighbor. Holding out your hand in hopes that they will share their $80 airport shop gummy bears with you will get you nothing but a high five from this girl.

Traveling can sometimes be pretty stressful, particularly when the airlines overbook their flights or routinely fail to get their planes in on time. But with these simple little hints, everyone's travel experience can be just a little less unpleasant.

Processing...

I am processing a few things right now. Some good, some bad but all in need of some serious chewing. Also, I am off to Florida for 5 days! Vacation! Yes, AGAIN!

What can I say, I'm getting a little spoiled. ;)

I hope you all have a safe and happy 4th of July weekend.



I promise interesting content when I return. Until then, I'm off to find my 100SPF sunscreen...

Song of the Day.

Thanks to Jo (who also has got it bad) for sending me the link to this song. This is the acoustic version since I am a sucker for a guy with a guitar, but you should check out the original of She is Love - Parachute here.

Enjoy.

New tune!

I'm really digging this song right now for both the figurative and literal interpretation. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Stuff me with hay...

And call me the Scarecrow... because dang if I feel like I should be dancing along the yellow brick road lamenting on how much better life would be if I only had a brain.

Ran a call last night of the variety of what the heck else can we do... nothing. I hate calls like that. I'm all for hand holding and comfort (which I did of course) but I just didn't feel like I did anything of importance medically. I really don't want to get back into the rut of feeling like nothing I do makes any difference. It was hard enough to get out of the first time, I don't know if I could do it a second time.

Sorry for the Eeyore-esque post, but dang if i don't need something good to happen to remind me that life is good and people aren't dead set on making everything more difficult for me.

Come on world, throw me a bone here!

Saturday Night Shenanigans

Step One: Go grocery shopping at an insane time of the night in your local warehouse grocery store.

Step Two: Find small toy that fits in the palm of your hand and fuzzy. White works, but brown is better.

Step Three: Hold fuzzy toy delicately in your cupped hands.

Step Four: Walk towards sister, hands outstretched. It is preferred if she is distracted by product labels.

Step Five: Say “Hey look! I found a mouse” and simultaneously toss fuzzy toy at sister as if creature where crawling out of your hands.

Step Six: Enjoy her reaction.

Step Seven: Try not to pee yourself from laughing.

Step Eight: Replay the events over and over until sister threatens to pummel you with box if Chex.

My night... a timeline.

3:30PM - Leave work to drive north.

5:15PM - Arrive at home, change, feed dogs, head east to pick up sister and children.

5:45PM - Head back south.

6:30PM - Arrive at Walmart to purchase birthday dinner ingredients.

6:32PM - Realize store is just a regular Walmart with no birthday dinner ingredients.

6:35PM - Emergency run back into store for potty stop.

6:39PM - Arrive at Jewel-Osco to purchase birthday dinner ingredients.

7:00PM - Arrive at birthday dinner destination.

8:30PM - Consume birthday dinner.

9:00PM - Clean up birthday dinner.

9:05PM - Consume ice cream and GF brownie.

9:15PM - Pack up kids and head back north.

10:35PM - Arrive home, let dogs out, pass out.

10:45PM - Wake up to Montana whining and howling. Yell. A lot.

11:00PM - Wake up to Montana whining and howling. Yell. A lot more.

11:35PM - Wake up to thunder that literally shakes your windows.

11:38PM - Conclude you are not going to die.

11:55PM - Fall back asleep.

12:05AM - Wake up to weather alert advising of tornado warning.

12:10AM - Reaffirm you are not going to die.

12:12AM - Wish JB was there.

12:14AM - Contemplate sneaking into roommates bed.

12:15AM - Chastise self for being a baby.

12:30AM - Turn on laptop to track weather pattern.

12:35AM - Cry a little a the sight all.the.purple. on the map.

12:39AM - Beg for sleep. Reaffirm you are not going to die.

1:30AM - Wake up to thunder and lightening putting on their show simultaneously.

1:35AM - Cringe at the sound of water running below you.

1:37AM - Take picture of waterfall in the basement.

1:38AM - Curse. A lot.

2:00AM - Pray for sleep. Consider the benefits of the house being decimated by tornado.

2:15AM - Decide no house = no Bernice. Dismiss idea.

2:27AM - Consider wacking self with frying pan to induce unconsciousness.

2:45AM - REALLY wish JB was there.

2:56AM - Fall asleep.

4:30AM - Launch alarm clock into orbit.

6:51AM - Waste 30 minutes of your day typing out a timeline of your night.





THIS is what I woke up to. Even though it just seems so... so... I don't know, wrong ---- when it rains, it pours.




I am at that point of exhaustion and frustration where I really don't even know what the answer is. It seems that right now, the best idea is to list the whole house for rent and then from there figure out just where the heck *I* would live.

In order to end this on a positive note, today I am thankful for rubber spatulas, rubber maid bins and coffee.

The Thing About Big Brothers

It isn't that I feel sorry for those that don't know what it's like to have a big brother. After all, there are at least a handful of times that I am sure I spent time wishing I didn't have one myself. But those times were few and far between because well, I have one hell of a kick ass big brother.

Growing up, Rick and I were inseparable. We did everything together. Kind of like Pinky and the Brain, but way way cooler and less rat-like. Sure he did his fair share of annoying big brother stuff like stealing my Blow-Pop and instead of just licking it, chewing it so he couldn't give it back and then repeatedly blowing bubbles in my face. He would tease me endlessly about my unending love for animals. All pretty harmless stuff and somehow he would always manage to find a way to make it up to me.




I really can't tell you how much I love Rick. Some of my happiest memories are of times spent laughing until my stomach hurt and I was running to the bathroom. Making up random songs while playing in the woods at our grandparents house. Spending hours upon hours talking until he was sound asleep on my bedroom floor. We even had a deal while I was in high school. I had to make his lunch for work every night and he would drive me to school so I didn't have to take the bus even though that meant he had to get out of bed 30 minutes earlier. If you know Rick, you know this is something that doesn't happen often. If ever. He doesn't just come out and say it, but it's the little things he does that lets you know he loves you and supports you.




It is a little frustrating for me to not be able to say it exactly how I want to. He is truly an amazing person and an even more amazing brother. He is there whenever I need him. He loves me even when I am being completely irrational. He takes care of me any way he can even if it means telling me things no one else will. He doesn't hug much, but when he does it is filled with intent and love and usually me gasping for air. None of that tap tap tap on the back crap.

Things haven't always been easy for him either but he works hard and doesn't rely on excuses. I am so proud of the man that he has become and I am so blessed to call him my brother.

I honestly believe that if more people had brothers like Rick, this world would be a much better place.

Happy birthday, Rick.

I love you.