Sara is a friend of mine that has lent an ear on more than one occasion listening to my problems and supporting me while she herself asks for none in return. She is poised, graceful and stronger than I could ever hope to be. Hemophelia is a horrible disease that she deals with face to face on a daily basis.
I know times are tough and money is tight, but if you are so inclined please head on over and donate whatever you can here.
I may not have a huge following, but I have seen the kindness come out of this group of bloggers on more than one occasion. Anything you can offer is greatly appreciated whether it be a prayer, a good thought or a donation.
Thanks everyone.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Congratulations!
To Lt Michael Morse over at Rescuing Providence. He is the 2009 Excellence in EMS Award Winner and boy does he deserve it. Check out his entry as well as the entire site.
Congratulations Michael! As always, great job!
Congratulations Michael! As always, great job!
Stronger than glue.
It was a beautiful Friday afternoon. The kind of day where the sky is so blue it seeps into your soul leaving a trail of warmth and contentment. The cotton-ball clouds moved slowly across the deep blue but stayed out of the rays of the brilliant sun. This is the kind of day you expect to end as perfectly as it started. A day you can actually consider that everything is right with the world. Until you hear the tones followed by the words that get your heart racing - smoke showing.
I hit the repeat as I scurried out of my house avoiding the three steps on the porch and instead just leaping to the driveway. It was a gorgeous day and I was going to a fire to watch the people I respect the most do what they do best. We flipped the switches on the dash and started up the siren all while we all asked each other "is there even a house at that address?" We shrugged it off as we followed behind the first engine. I assigned tasks and got a game plan together. The temperature outside was much warmer than I thought.
We rounded the last corner and were greeted by angry billows of black smoke as it clawed it's way into the sky. The usual prayer passed my lips. "Please God, let everyone be out and keep everyone safe." Strangely, this has been a habit of mine since I was very young. Any time my mom would pass an ambulance or firetruck, she would say a prayer for everyone involved - wisdom for the rescuers and courage and healing for the ones that needed them. At times, I found comfort in the thought that perhaps there was someone out there praying for me as I played both parts. It didn't take much to realize the small patch of trees were hiding a house that was well past it's years and one would have sworn was abandoned. As is the norm for my area, the long gravel drive demanded most of our hose.
As we staged and set up rehab we were stopped in our tracks as two crooked figures shuffled down the long drive, away from everything they knew. A sigh of relief echoed along with the breaking of my heart. The state of the house now made sense. These two people could barely hold themselves up but somehow together, they supported each other making the task ahead of them a bit more manageable. Her white hair swayed in the breeze and I feared anything more than that would knock them both to the ground. Both were cloaked in heavy sweaters and he had a stained knit hat pulled down where only a few strands of greying hair braved the world outside the wool. They were a sight to see - arm in arm, preparing themselves for an outcome that was at best grim.
When they reached the ambulance we wrapped them both in another layer of wool. While I was sweating and begging to shed a layer or two, these two creatures were shivering from the same cool breeze that I was enjoying. Up close, their faces were dirty and the smudges of ash on their cheeks only darkened the blue under their tired eyes. I sat and ran through the medical assessment and found neither of them were hurt, at least not physically. I couldn't tell if the fear in their eyes were for the other's well being or for the future the fire was slowing digesting.
My heart ached for them. In an attempt to distract them as well as myself, I asked them questions unrelated to their health or their home. As it turns out, what I thought was an elderly couple still together after years of marriage, was a brother and a sister lost in the world without any family or any other place to call home. They had lived a long hard life but never had either of them left the other's side. To say that I was moved is an understatement. Here these two fragile beings had spent their lives together as one by one, their family members died or left never to be heard of again. Now, the only meager possessions they had were gone too. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought I was watching a movie playing before me. She laid her weary head on her brothers shoulder and grasped his wrinkled hand in hers. The tears slowly washed a trail down her cheek as she whispered, "at least we still have each other."
It was then I realized I was repeating my prayer.
I hit the repeat as I scurried out of my house avoiding the three steps on the porch and instead just leaping to the driveway. It was a gorgeous day and I was going to a fire to watch the people I respect the most do what they do best. We flipped the switches on the dash and started up the siren all while we all asked each other "is there even a house at that address?" We shrugged it off as we followed behind the first engine. I assigned tasks and got a game plan together. The temperature outside was much warmer than I thought.
We rounded the last corner and were greeted by angry billows of black smoke as it clawed it's way into the sky. The usual prayer passed my lips. "Please God, let everyone be out and keep everyone safe." Strangely, this has been a habit of mine since I was very young. Any time my mom would pass an ambulance or firetruck, she would say a prayer for everyone involved - wisdom for the rescuers and courage and healing for the ones that needed them. At times, I found comfort in the thought that perhaps there was someone out there praying for me as I played both parts. It didn't take much to realize the small patch of trees were hiding a house that was well past it's years and one would have sworn was abandoned. As is the norm for my area, the long gravel drive demanded most of our hose.
As we staged and set up rehab we were stopped in our tracks as two crooked figures shuffled down the long drive, away from everything they knew. A sigh of relief echoed along with the breaking of my heart. The state of the house now made sense. These two people could barely hold themselves up but somehow together, they supported each other making the task ahead of them a bit more manageable. Her white hair swayed in the breeze and I feared anything more than that would knock them both to the ground. Both were cloaked in heavy sweaters and he had a stained knit hat pulled down where only a few strands of greying hair braved the world outside the wool. They were a sight to see - arm in arm, preparing themselves for an outcome that was at best grim.
When they reached the ambulance we wrapped them both in another layer of wool. While I was sweating and begging to shed a layer or two, these two creatures were shivering from the same cool breeze that I was enjoying. Up close, their faces were dirty and the smudges of ash on their cheeks only darkened the blue under their tired eyes. I sat and ran through the medical assessment and found neither of them were hurt, at least not physically. I couldn't tell if the fear in their eyes were for the other's well being or for the future the fire was slowing digesting.
My heart ached for them. In an attempt to distract them as well as myself, I asked them questions unrelated to their health or their home. As it turns out, what I thought was an elderly couple still together after years of marriage, was a brother and a sister lost in the world without any family or any other place to call home. They had lived a long hard life but never had either of them left the other's side. To say that I was moved is an understatement. Here these two fragile beings had spent their lives together as one by one, their family members died or left never to be heard of again. Now, the only meager possessions they had were gone too. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought I was watching a movie playing before me. She laid her weary head on her brothers shoulder and grasped his wrinkled hand in hers. The tears slowly washed a trail down her cheek as she whispered, "at least we still have each other."
It was then I realized I was repeating my prayer.
Monday, May 11, 2009
This ain't your fairytale.
When we are little, we spend hours pretending we are adults. We play house, we play school, we pretend we know exactly what our lives will end up like. We listen to fairy tales and we dream of one day finding our prince; someone that can manage to slay that dragon and manage Christmas with the evil step-sisters. We grow older and at some point or another, you swear all the princes have rode off into the sunset only to leave behind a pond full of frogs. So when the first frog comes along that manages to munch on flies with it's mouth closed and doesn't spend too much time hopping from one lily pad to the next, it’s easy to convince yourself this is your prince. Yet somehow we are still shocked that after the first, second and hundredth kiss, our frogs are still just that... frogs.
It doesn't take much for a girl to lose hope and sit back and wonder if the plague has returned or if it's actually just you. Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? Why can't I find my prince charming?
Of course, when you least expect it you look up and there he is. He was right in front of you all along. You can't imagine why you hadn't noticed before. Life is perfect and wonderful and you blood pressure is on the fritz from all the blood rushing to your face and well, we will just leave it at that. You start imagining how everything is perfect and really, it is. It doesn’t take long before life does what it does best and you find yourself locked in a tower, dizzy from the unexpected twist. This is the true test of any relationship, royalty or not.
Prince Charming isn't so keen on those dwarfs hanging around so often and the dragons seem to be on overdrive. Life gets tough. Throw in some crazy family and possibly a talking animal or two and you've got yourself one heck of a bad day. We won’t even start on the bad apples. So what do you do? Call up the local wizard for a potion or two, after all who needs a Prince anyway? Or you can hold each other's hands and head off down the lane, ready and willing to face whatever kind of lying carnivorous beast may cross your path?
Sure life has thorns, crazies and more emotions than thieves in Sherwood Forest, but the demons you face aren't what makes or breaks a forever. The love, respect willingness to listen that will decide. It's a guarantee there will be bumps in the road and more than one flat on the carriage, but if you are willing to give a little, you will receive so much more in return.
In the end, all that matters is whether it’s a good day or a bad day, when the sun sets you get to decide if it ends with Happily Ever After.
It doesn't take much for a girl to lose hope and sit back and wonder if the plague has returned or if it's actually just you. Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? Why can't I find my prince charming?
Of course, when you least expect it you look up and there he is. He was right in front of you all along. You can't imagine why you hadn't noticed before. Life is perfect and wonderful and you blood pressure is on the fritz from all the blood rushing to your face and well, we will just leave it at that. You start imagining how everything is perfect and really, it is. It doesn’t take long before life does what it does best and you find yourself locked in a tower, dizzy from the unexpected twist. This is the true test of any relationship, royalty or not.
Prince Charming isn't so keen on those dwarfs hanging around so often and the dragons seem to be on overdrive. Life gets tough. Throw in some crazy family and possibly a talking animal or two and you've got yourself one heck of a bad day. We won’t even start on the bad apples. So what do you do? Call up the local wizard for a potion or two, after all who needs a Prince anyway? Or you can hold each other's hands and head off down the lane, ready and willing to face whatever kind of lying carnivorous beast may cross your path?
Sure life has thorns, crazies and more emotions than thieves in Sherwood Forest, but the demons you face aren't what makes or breaks a forever. The love, respect willingness to listen that will decide. It's a guarantee there will be bumps in the road and more than one flat on the carriage, but if you are willing to give a little, you will receive so much more in return.
In the end, all that matters is whether it’s a good day or a bad day, when the sun sets you get to decide if it ends with Happily Ever After.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
sideshow
I lay in bed trying to focus on the words on the page. My eyes are heavy and the paragraphs start to blur together. It is time to take on the tiger. My chair and whip in the form of a white and pink pill. I dance delicately across the thin wire. It is all there is between me and the fall I am desperately avoiding. I balance the best I can. My arms spread wide, ready to counter any unanticipated movement. The smell of cranberry and mandarin mixes with the fresh air seeping in my open window, a far cry from the smell of elephant dung and burnt popcorn. It makes me miss him and remember. The happy thoughts tell me there is goodness and hope at the end of the show.
The rain starts, ending the circus and lulling me into a place where everything is possible. My subconscious is in control now. When the morning light comes, I am once again nothing but a ringleader, entertaining the masses, trying to maintain control.
The rain starts, ending the circus and lulling me into a place where everything is possible. My subconscious is in control now. When the morning light comes, I am once again nothing but a ringleader, entertaining the masses, trying to maintain control.
Partly cloudy.
She looked about the room and wondered what time it was. The ache in her belly was a tell-tale sign she had slept too long. This was a habit she had slowly become accustomed to. The basement apartment had been converted by her daughter to provide comfort and accessibility. Unfortunately, the only thing it lacked was a window to the outside world. The old woman sighed and began the struggle of getting out of bed. Her worn Cotton pajamas offered no help as they clung to the sheets.
With one foot on the floor she reached for her walker. Her deformed hands had long since given up the battle against the arthritis. Her muscles rebelled and failed. Gingerly, she tried to scoot down the mattress to put her walker within reaching distance. She reached out again and yelped as her body slid off the edge of the bed and landed awkwardly on the floor. Panic clawed at her throat as an intense burning raged in her leg. The room around her swam and blurred and slowly faded to black.
She was unsure what time it was when the room once again came into focus. Her watch that was too small to read lay behind her on the nightstand and her alarm clock that was never used lay atop her dresser she was wedged against. She reached up to try and pull her blankets from the bed as the chill settled into her limbs. The more she tugged, the hotter the fire in her side grew. The blankets remained securely tucked unto their rightful place. With a sigh she gave up and slowly drifted in and out of sleep.
She awoke with a start. Where was she? Had someone had kidnapped her? What had happened? Why couldn't she move her leg? Where were her children? That's when she heard the voice on the other side of the door. Who was this man? She told the stranger to stop where he was and call the doctor. She was by no means decent for a man to be in her room! Despite her protests, the strange man gently lifted her tiny frame back onto the soft mattress. Even though he had been as gentle as he could, the pain returned causing her to cry out. She grasped the collar of his neatly pressed shirt as the pain ravaged on. She didn't know who this man was or why he was there, but she was grateful for the soft mattress and warm blankets.
Time was nothing but chaotic and confusing at this point. She knew two things, she was hungry and she hurt, everywhere. She could hear voices outside the door but her aging ears failed to decipher the conversation. The concentration was too much for her and she once again dozed off. This time much warmer and although not completely, comfortable enough to forget the pain long enough to fall into a deep sleep.
When she awoke, her daughter was there. How could she have been so late getting home from school?! She was going to have to ground her again. Why did her daughter insist on calling her Grams? She didn't have grandchildren! She berated her disobedient daughter and emphasized her point by not allowing her to go to the sleepover this weekend. Why wasn't she cleaning her room like she just told her to? And why on earth did her leg hurt so much? Her head spun with confusion. Nothing made sense and the pain just made concentrating that much more difficult. Her daughter was talking to her again. There was no mistake, the concern in her face was painful to see, but why? It was then she realized she had had an accident. Embarrassment swallowed her and made her empty stomach churn. Here she was, lying in a room she did not recognize surrounded by faces she did not recognize and a daughter that kept referring to her as grandma.
The terror only grew as she was strapped to a board and carried up the concrete stairway. Surely the doctor would know who these people were.
With one foot on the floor she reached for her walker. Her deformed hands had long since given up the battle against the arthritis. Her muscles rebelled and failed. Gingerly, she tried to scoot down the mattress to put her walker within reaching distance. She reached out again and yelped as her body slid off the edge of the bed and landed awkwardly on the floor. Panic clawed at her throat as an intense burning raged in her leg. The room around her swam and blurred and slowly faded to black.
She was unsure what time it was when the room once again came into focus. Her watch that was too small to read lay behind her on the nightstand and her alarm clock that was never used lay atop her dresser she was wedged against. She reached up to try and pull her blankets from the bed as the chill settled into her limbs. The more she tugged, the hotter the fire in her side grew. The blankets remained securely tucked unto their rightful place. With a sigh she gave up and slowly drifted in and out of sleep.
She awoke with a start. Where was she? Had someone had kidnapped her? What had happened? Why couldn't she move her leg? Where were her children? That's when she heard the voice on the other side of the door. Who was this man? She told the stranger to stop where he was and call the doctor. She was by no means decent for a man to be in her room! Despite her protests, the strange man gently lifted her tiny frame back onto the soft mattress. Even though he had been as gentle as he could, the pain returned causing her to cry out. She grasped the collar of his neatly pressed shirt as the pain ravaged on. She didn't know who this man was or why he was there, but she was grateful for the soft mattress and warm blankets.
Time was nothing but chaotic and confusing at this point. She knew two things, she was hungry and she hurt, everywhere. She could hear voices outside the door but her aging ears failed to decipher the conversation. The concentration was too much for her and she once again dozed off. This time much warmer and although not completely, comfortable enough to forget the pain long enough to fall into a deep sleep.
When she awoke, her daughter was there. How could she have been so late getting home from school?! She was going to have to ground her again. Why did her daughter insist on calling her Grams? She didn't have grandchildren! She berated her disobedient daughter and emphasized her point by not allowing her to go to the sleepover this weekend. Why wasn't she cleaning her room like she just told her to? And why on earth did her leg hurt so much? Her head spun with confusion. Nothing made sense and the pain just made concentrating that much more difficult. Her daughter was talking to her again. There was no mistake, the concern in her face was painful to see, but why? It was then she realized she had had an accident. Embarrassment swallowed her and made her empty stomach churn. Here she was, lying in a room she did not recognize surrounded by faces she did not recognize and a daughter that kept referring to her as grandma.
The terror only grew as she was strapped to a board and carried up the concrete stairway. Surely the doctor would know who these people were.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Polly!
Woman, you crack me up... don't be mad at me for posting this!
A story... as told by my favoritest southerner, Polly.
"Ohhhhh i got attacked by a bird and hurt my knee. i think i just jammed it or something. short version...bird in the stock room, tried to get bird out, store manager hit bird with pole, Polly* tries to trap bird on box, bird gives war whoop and dive bombs Polly*, Polly* jumps off the bay (approx. 4 feet in the air) and lands solely on left leg, pain, bird gets hit again, tote is thrown on bird, bird's neck is broken, bye bye birdie.
and now it's sorta better except when i step just right and then i'm reminded of the pain of trying to save a bird's life.
-----
i should add that the bird had crazy feathers over it's eyes that made it look like a slightly psycho version of groucho marx(sp)
like it had big crazy eyebrows or something."
This is the same woman that introduced me to boiled peanuts, a food that one cannot possibly get in the northern states. I love her and so should you.
That is all. Carry on.
A story... as told by my favoritest southerner, Polly.
"Ohhhhh i got attacked by a bird and hurt my knee. i think i just jammed it or something. short version...bird in the stock room, tried to get bird out, store manager hit bird with pole, Polly* tries to trap bird on box, bird gives war whoop and dive bombs Polly*, Polly* jumps off the bay (approx. 4 feet in the air) and lands solely on left leg, pain, bird gets hit again, tote is thrown on bird, bird's neck is broken, bye bye birdie.
and now it's sorta better except when i step just right and then i'm reminded of the pain of trying to save a bird's life.
-----
i should add that the bird had crazy feathers over it's eyes that made it look like a slightly psycho version of groucho marx(sp)
like it had big crazy eyebrows or something."
This is the same woman that introduced me to boiled peanuts, a food that one cannot possibly get in the northern states. I love her and so should you.
That is all. Carry on.
Exhausted.
That's all there is to it. Yes this is me whining. It's my blog, deal with it. Heh.
Mentally, physically, emotionally... you name it, it is fresh out of give-a-damn. I have no idea how to recharge anymore. Perhaps I should get my whiny butt back running. Yeah, that has to be it.
Any bright ideas other than copious amounts of alcohol or running until I vomit?
Mentally, physically, emotionally... you name it, it is fresh out of give-a-damn. I have no idea how to recharge anymore. Perhaps I should get my whiny butt back running. Yeah, that has to be it.
Any bright ideas other than copious amounts of alcohol or running until I vomit?
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