Too close for comfort.

For those of us that are EMTs, we complain a lot about family members that are crazy and irrational and well just a giant pain in the ass. Then there are those that have a medical background and can actually be helpful, to a point. It is very easy to say, without a doubt how you will react in the face of a family emergency but until you find yourself smack dab in the middle of it, you just never know.




The Lieutenant and I had recently started dating and we were spending a casual evening at his house hanging out, reading magazines and passing the time until we were to meet everyone for a bonfire. My phone rang and after checking the caller id, I cheerfully answered.

"Dude! Where the heck are you? I thought we were meeting at the farm?"

Rick's voice on the other end cracked as he spoke. "Uh, we aren't going to be able to meet you at the farm."

Looking back now, after receiving TWO phone calls of this nature from Rick, I am realizing that he has this strange direct yet sneaky way of breaking bad news.

"What do you mean?" Something in the back of my head alarming, screaming knowing something just wasn't right.

"Well, we kind of just totalled the farm truck."

At this point, I had shot bolt upright, practically throwing the Lieutenant off the bed. All of the color had drained from my face and settled into my stomach, causing a bitter and sour taste to form at the back of the throat.

"Well are you okay?" I stammered. Trying to get a freaking grip on myself. "Where are you? Are you hurt? Is anyone else hurt?" The questions shot out of my mouth, partly out of routine, partly out of worry.

"Just come and get me okay? They want me to go to the hospital, but I'm okay. I just want you here, okay?" And in that moment, my heart was so full and so broken at the thought of my big brother, scared, hurt and wanting me. Just me. My eyes burned as I reached for my keys and headed for the door.

Wisely, the Lieutenant pried them from my death grip and insisted that he drive. 70 miles per hour is fast, but never fast enough when your best friend in the entire world is waiting for you to come and hug them and make sure they are okay. I rocked back and forth like a lunatic as the Lieutenant navigated the two county divide between me, Rick and JJ.

The intersection was lit up, bathed in flashing reds, blues and yellows. Causing a dizzying effect on a worried sister. I laid eyes on the black Explorer that was missing the majority of it's hood and engine compartment. My limbs were on fire, my heart was working hard to keep up and my mind swam with worry and fear. I was out of the truck before it was in park and I hurried around the front of the fire engine, frantically searching for that tall, dark figure. I man in bright yellow turn out gear slid in front of my path. But much like a mama bear seeing her cub in distress I blew past him. My eyes scanning the graveyard below the road for any sign of Rick. First I saw the truck. A heavy duty F-350, built to pull hay wagons and trailers full of cattle was now bent in the shape of an S. The curves of the metal made my stomach lurch as accident scenes I had responded to flashed in front of my eyes.

"Bernice!" Rick's voice shattered my thoughts and pulled my heart and body towards him and JJ.

Both of them were seated on the grassy bank, facing the headstones. Two EMTs knelt at their sides, BP cuffs hugging their respective arms tightly.

I choked back a sob as the reality of the situation sank in. The shattered windows, the totalled vehicles.

It seemed as though I floated to Rick. My arms stretching past their capacity to touch him as soon as I possibly could. His face, a face that had been so strong on so many nights I needed it to be, a face that reassured me now through the pain and worry was fast becoming marked with the tracks of tears. Never has a hug felt more like a breath of fresh air. Like I had been buried in the darkness for so long and suddenly it was all okay. Rick was okay. It was as if I wouldn't let myself believe it until I could feel him, solid and whole inside my embrace. After what felt like only a second, but was easily three minutes, I turned to face JJ to find him grinning. Always the fucking optimist, he laughed as he reached for his own hug.

I took a deep breath and steadied my spinning thoughts to inspect the damage to my boys. Rick's hand was cut deeply and was being wrapped. JJ's eye looked similar, almost swelling shut deflecting the trickle of blood that ran from the cut under his eyebrow. A pair if I ever did see one. These two men who surely had horseshoes fit for clydesdales implanted in their rectums, each owning their own respective piece of real estate to my heart.

Of course neither wanted to go to the hospital despite MY pleading as well as that of the EMTs on scene. Knowing they were only slightly more stubborn than I, they signed their paperwork and I packed them into my truck and headed to the farm to do a little at-home patch-job.

We stayed awake until the sun made it's debut on a new day. Another chance to see them, love them and hug them. The reality of what could have been lurking in the shadows waiting for the opportunity to remind us.

We eventually named the piece of glass that is, to my knowledge, still taking residence in JJ's eyebrow. Myrtle will always remind JJ of that night. As for Rick, he is pretty adament to never admit how bad it could have been, but instead continually shows how he worries, mostly about me.




Looking back I was not in my right mind that night. The thought of my big brother who I love more than life itself was hurt, scared and needed me. Should I have been on that scene? Maybe. Maybe not. Did the turmoil in my head and heart show on the outside? Probably. Either way, it just goes to show that in any situation we can assume we would act a certain way, but as I said before, until you open your eyes and find yourself surrounded by a sucky situation, you just really never know.