Just wonderin'

I spend far too much of my time thinking. If I get an idle moment, my brain kicks into hyper-drive and what I have come up with is that I worry too much. A few of the topics that rotate regularly; some more often than others.

I have had this post sitting in edit status for at least two months. Here goes nothing...




I wonder if I am witty enough and then I see the way my family laughs until they cry when I tell stories. Right there I decide I am actually pretty darn entertaining.

I wonder if I would be as pretty as her and then I catch the Lieutenant staring at me when I am a sleepy makeup-less mess. Right there I decide I am beautiful.

I wonder if I am skinny enough and then I realize that my curves are far more feminine and seductive than those that go without. Right there I decide I am the perfect size.

I wonder if I cry too much and then I realize that my heart is far too caring not to. Right there I decide it’s okay to cry.

I wonder if people think I am a horrible person and then I remember the sleepless nights I spend with people I don’t even know. Right there I decide I am quite tolerable.

I wonder if I will be a good mother and then I remember the nights when little T-bird would call me from across the country, just to say goodnight to a woman that stepped in to be a mother figure. Right there I decide I am going to make one hell of a mom.

I wonder if I am a good EMT and then I hear others tell me they would trust me with the care of their sick and injured children. Right there I decide that I AM a good EMT.



This is my life. Always thinking, always wondering, always doubting. If I could give myself one thing, it would be confidence. Not just faking it so no one knows I am scared out of my mind confidence, but true honest-to-goodness trust in myself confidence.



Some day...