A new level of stoopid.

Before the weekend I expressed my hatred for parades and the bottom feeders that generally attend only to have the chance to yell at the parade participants for their lack of generosity with the amount of sugary substances they are donating. This weekend I was exposed to a new level of dumb.

In order to ensure that the candy that was thrown was being shared evenly throughout the route, the organizers resurrected Ebeneezer Scrooge, gave him a golf cart and the authority to "monitor and regulate" the distribution. Insert giant seizure inducing eye roll here. We are seriously considering not even throwing candy next year.

If we do, these are the strict rules I will be following.

If your child is waving their little American flag, they will get thrown candy.

If your child is screaming or acting like a little shit-head, they will be thrown a carrot or perhaps a little broccoli tree.

If your child is smiling and waving, they will get thrown candy.

If your child is shoving other children out of the way in order to get to the candy that has previously been thrown, they will get a smile, a wave and a string of 'encouraging' words, under my breath.

If your child is wearing any combination of red, white and blue, they will get thrown candy.

If you tell me to throw candy to your child, I will smile, wave and throw candy just past your child's reach where other children will be able to snatch it up before he/she does. I will again smile and wave and tell you have a happy holiday weekend.

To summarize, if your child is a nasty, whiny, dirty, snotty little bastard I will ignore you and your child and he/she will receive no candy. If you have a problem with this, you can have your own spot in the parade and throw your candy to whomever you so choose.

Happy 4th Everyone!

Enjoy your weekend and stay safe!

Bah-humbug.

I do not like parades.

I do not like whiny bratty children that yell at you for not throwing them enough candy.

I do not like parents that insult your heritage because you did not throw their children enough candy.

I do not like getting up early on a holiday to be one of three people washing and waxing trucks.

I do not like giving up my time with the Lieutenant to smile and wave at strangers.

I do not like wearing uniform polyester in heat.

I do not like that I do not like parades.





The first person that scolds me for not throwing them candy is going to get a sucker stick to the cornea.

Go ahead... make my day... punk.




Edit: I am on standby at the station in the second unit. Bernice is a happy girl.

When one door shuts...

You better get your ass out the window.

Or something like that.


I have applied for an ER Tech job a few towns over. I would no longer be crossing state lines, but I would no longer have paid holidays and weekends off. It is a toss up on the pros and cons and honestly, I am not sure if this would be a smart thing to do. The biggest issue would be the significant reduction in pay and the switch in benefits. Also, I don't know if new insurance would cover the Lieutenants ongoing care from his accident. All things that must be considered. At least I don't have to worry about it just yet. After all, I should probably wait to worry until I at least get an interview.

Swing!

It seems that I have found a new calling in life. If there ever is a patient that needs to be restrained, you can just call me.

Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough and he got me. It's hard to be mad when you see the saddness, confusion and fear in their eyes because their mouth betrays them.

My nose didn't hurt nearly as bad as my heart did.