Humbled.

I thrive off of feedback I get from other people. The perception of what I am casting off into the universe can either make or break my day. To hear someone say they are proud of me or love me or think that I am smart clears even the scariest rain clouds and chases away all the thunder of doubt. I feed off of it. I live for it.

I don't know what it is, but even though I need feedback to function, I always find a way to diminish it. Like when the sweet and encouraging words of my mother adorns my blog with more praise than any human can handle, I instinctively tell myself she has to. Why? Because she is my momma and it is the same reflex that made her cherish my horribly distorted drawings and slowly crafted stories in my big awkward child writing. She HAS to. She couldn't possibly tell me it was horrible... right?

And then there was Michael. Yes, THAT Michael. The same one that like me, you hold in high esteem as an intelligent and articulate writer that can capture your attention and make you feel what he feels in such an eloquent fashion you long to write like he does. A stranger you have never met, approves of your writing and even goes as far as to praise it publicly. The warm fuzzies start buzzing around your head and one may or may not get a little drunk on the praise.

But when someone you hold as possibly the smartest and most articulate person you have ever encountered tells you that indeed, your writing moves them, sucks them in and makes them settle into your very shoes... well THAT my friends is what it is all about. I am crazy fuzzy in the brain right now and my cup is running like Niagra Falls.

The funniest thing is, my writing may be pleasing to some, those that I know and who know me - have all said it. My writing exudes, well me. I am full of dramatic pauses and language that may not be so fitting if someone else chose to use the same words. I love it. This is what I live for.

Feedback baby. And damn good stuff too.




So thank you. All of you. Every last one of you that has stopped by my little corner of the interwebz, commented or just plain old didn't mock me straight out. What started as something to get all the crazy thoughts out of my hyperactive brain has morphed into something I need. Something ingrained in my every day life.

Thank you for the love, the encouragement and the willingness to read the things I have to say. I hope not to disappoint.

The new *thing*

I made a purchase today. An investment really, hopefully more so in myself than the actual equipment. That's right folks, I am now one of 'those' people that purchases a treadmill at the beginning of the year. Don't get me wrong though, I have had my eye on one for months now. Living where I do, snow is the rule rather than the exception 6 out of the 12 months of the year and that doesn't even include the rain. So I bucked up and bought it. Great deal, great machine hoping for some great results and not even in the body, but more in the mind.

I need a way to blow off steam before I go absolutely batshitcrazy. Running worked when my life went completely inside out and I am praying it will do the trick now. A leaner, meaner Bernice is merely a perk.

First step was purchasing it. Next step: finding a place for it in the house since all the basement crap is upstairs while we remodel.*




* If anyone suggests I put the treadmill in the basment can save themselves the trouble. My basement was borderline creepy before and now that it is gutted, looks something akin to a bad slasher film so no. The treadmill will not be residing in the dark scary basement. Besides, there's no tv down there. ;)

Put up or shut up.

I am lucky. I work for a company that is not considering any layoffs and is actually still looking to hire people. Sure there are talks of meeting the budget and small shifts in the goals in order to reach those markers, but for the most part I can say I'm pretty 'safe' here. It is a nice feeling really. Sure I don't love my job, but it has decent pay and decent insurance - a combination not many people can rely on. So when I hear people that have lost their jobs saying that they have hundreds of applications in and have only had a few interviews I feel even more blessed. Some how, some way my bills have always gotten paid. I don't think I even have the words to express how thankful I am for that.

I have always been of the mindset that you have to do what you have to do to get the bills paid and the mouth fed. Even if that means working a job that would even make Mike Rowe turn his nose. A good honest paycheck to get you through or at least a little closer to it is a good thing. So why is it that I am hearing a lot of "I'm not qualified" or "They wont hire me anyway" or "I'm too old"? How do you know? Are you psychic and you can see into the future and you know for a fact that you will be turned down? Because if you do have that ability to see into the future, I've got a couple questions for you myself. Hell, I'll even pay you for the answers. If you don't carry a magic crystal ball around in your pocket, freaking apply. It takes a few minutes of your time and possibly even a stamp or two. Really, what is there to lose?



If you just want to whine and bitch and moan, fine. But don't expect me to continue trying to help if you don't even want to help yourself.

Sweet.

What's mine say?

Dude!

What's mine say?

Sweet!

WHAT DOES MINE SAY?

Dude!




I wasn't a big baby nor did I pass out. And now I have my own artwork permanently affixed to my body. Even though this is a pretty predominant place, none of my coworkers noticed. At least not yet. But I must say, I love it more than I thought I would.

And of course, according to the guy that did it, I am the first person to giggle as a response to the pain of a tattoo. It has been confirmed folks. There is something just not right about me.


Two weeks until my weekend with my mom in a sunny place with vast beaches and bottomless drinks. Needless to say, I can't freaking wait. Now if only my passport would show up...



Edit: Ask and ye shall receive... passport showed up yesterday! One less thing to worry about for me!

Happy Friday To ME!

THANK YOU JO! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

OMG Yum. That is all I can really muster at this present moment.

Excuse me while I think dirty thoughts.