Busted

Scene: Hwy 65 somewhere deep in Alabama, me belting out most of the lyrics to Heart's Magic Man, heading south to the homestead.

Blue lights dance in the rear-view mirror.

JB asks why I'm pulling over. I reply, "I think I'm getting pulled over for speeding. I had the cruise set!" *cue visions of questioning as to why my car is registered to Bernice Oldlastname and my license says Bernice Newlastname. The prickle of nervous sweat stings my armpits. Visions of $300 speeding tickets bombard my brain. The beam from a MagLight travels up the passenger side of the car, pauses on a sleeping dog in the back seat and ends at the open passenger window.


Good evening. License and insurance please.

Oh, no problem officer. *rummaging in glove box* Uh, it seems I didn't put the newest insurance card in here, but it just got renewed this month.

No problem. Do you know how fast you were going?

Well, I have the cruise set at 77, sir.

Actually, you were doing 81. Is there an emergency?

Other than the need to put as many miles between me and sub-zero temperatures? No, sir. Just heading home.

I see. Everything correct on your license?

Yes, sir.

Alright, well sit tight, I'll be right back.

*cue the return of visions of $300 fines*

Well ma'am, I decided to give you a warning tonight. No points and no fines. Any questions for me?

No sir! Thank you sir!

Have a good night and slow it down.

/end scene

I'd like to extend a hearty thank you to the kind officer who decided that it wasn't worth the trouble to write me that speeding ticket round about 01:30 Sunday morning. I swear I had the cruise set at an acceptable speed but apparently my right foot was more anxious to get home than I had anticipated.

The tachycardia kept me wide awake for at least another hour and by that time JB resumed occupancy of the driver's seat.

Happy New Year to me!