Rough Days and Birthdays

I've been pretty lucky in that I have handled and processed the whole massive life changes pretty well. Maybe I have excellent coping mechanisms or I'm just really good at shoving it way down and ignoring it. Who knows, possibly a combination of both. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be where I am at and there is never any doubt in my mind that moving across the country was the right decision. Despite this, there are still some bad days. Today just happens to be one of those. Today is my sister's birthday. It totally sucks that I don't get to see her. Usually round about this time we are having a celebratory corn dog at the local county fair. Sure, she can't have them anymore due to the discovery that she has Celiacs, but at least I could stand in front of her and in true little sister fashion, try my best not to rub it in while I devour one myself. Not this year. This year I am sweating it out in another state while she is back home celebrating with the rest of my family and the cold that seems to have caught up with her. So far this year, I have missed every one of my family members birthdays. That would be 7 family members out of 10. Awesome, right? I knew this was going to be a reality of moving away, but I guess I did a pretty good job of pretending it didn't bother me.

Of course there is salt for this wound as well. Today would have been my grandma's 70th birthday. I mean it is pretty cool in a very strange way that she shared a birthday with one grandchild, the first to be exact, and died on another grandchild's birthday, his 21st. I didn't think this day would be as hard as it is but it sucks. I just really wish I could be there with my sister not only to distract her but myself as well. Preferably with a crying jag in the middle of our retail therapy. Instead I will be going to dinner for my father-in-law's birthday and doing my best not to be my crybaby self. Although they are awesome and amazing people and love me despite my proclivity to crying at random moments, it doesn't mean I enjoy being a blubbering fool.

These are all things that I cannot change. I have to just accept reality and deal with the barrage of emotions as they come. So instead of whoa is me I say, happy birthday to my sister who wasn't always my best friend but who I can't imagine living without. The one who can finish sentences with me. The one who turned me into a girl and not just the tomboy in sweatshirts. The one who has worked miracles in times of desperation... I love you, I miss you and I wish you all the happiness anyone could ever endure.